YOu know how stroppy/rude/answering back kids are nowadays? And our paraents say we never behaved liked that............

[DrNortherner]

Did we behave like that and have they just forgotten, or are we getting this parenting malarkey all wrong?

we didn't behave like that - but twas different times and different generation.

we are getting it wrong. We ban ourselves from the word 'Naughty' and 'NO', the only response we give to bad behavior is neutral - and once children stop seeking immediate parental approval, who cares about neutral?

Hmm, that's what I was worrying about.

Sometimes the way my 5 yr old ds shouts at me I think 'god help me when he's 15'

I wasn't scared of my parents, not that thwy would hit me, juist scared of them being dissapointed in me. How did they do that?

mm good point, something's going on.

children were generally scared of adults.

if that was getting it right i'll take getting it wrong any day of the week.

mine dont asnwer back

sorry but htey dont

My kids don't answer back.

And when they try to they learn very quickly that it will not wash.

Don't say sorry Cod - that's is bloody good.

How do you do it?

My ds NEVER takes no for an answer. He asks again and again and again...... Until you are pushed so far you shout I TOLD YOU NO. Then he gets it.

i wasn't deliberatly disrespectful - my children are not deliberatly disrespectful either

Mine's still just a toddler, but he gets away with nothing. I have a heart of stone when it comes to respect for adults.

And that applies to anybodies kids.

well i dont let htem say no they say "no htank you"

always grates when i hear kids say "No" ot their parents in defiance. liek will you turn the tv off?"
"no"
NEVER HAPPENS HERE

i also use old teachers tricks like" i ma nto talking baout this any more" and zonign out, ignore or walk off but tbh i dont reall need to.

i just say" i have said no fakring yuu gi oh cards three tiems now and i am not saying it again"

then thats it.

People generally are ruder and less considerate, polite, happy, sociable...

If you are considerate, polite and happy to children, they will respond in kind

DS says "I just don't do it, I don't know why though .. XXX does it all the time doesn't he?"

you see he's 6

he's always had a totally negative response and some punishment associated with moving in that direction "don't you dare" and "sit on the stairs/ go to your room" .. do it a couple of times when they're young and it becomes natural to them IME

(I will not be dragged into 'oh my child is different, that's ok for your children' sort of discussion which is the way these things normally go)

they dont fight either
shoot me!

I was born in 1960s. My mother frequently told me what an ungrateful, disrespectful little princess I was, she never would have spoken to her parents like that, etc. After she died I found copies of letters she wrote to friends reiterating the same sentiments.

My DC are gits some time, I guess I just assume that's normal.

I am also very respectful to my children in everyday situations .. they get pleases, thank-yous and apologies and general discussions

Coddy, I agree.

And I can't see my kids being rude either. I don't have it in my classroom (with my excluded kids from Hackney) so I won't have it at home either. But I practise firmness and politeness, not fear of a slap or shouting (which doesn't work anyway).

Obviously my own kids will be harder I guess but I just can't see it...

i laso htink paretns listen too much ot hteir kids tbh

just ignore them or agree" i think tis a rgeat idea mum if we all buy a relally big toy"

"Yes maybe next week"
just dont oevr seplain

Blimey, I wish I could stop my 2 fighting.

It's not really physical though - there's lots of posturing and assertion from dd atm.

adn alot of parents who work are scared shitless of their kdis having a tanrtum or not ikign them
who cares?>

my job is not to always be liked(!) but to make them funcitoning kind popular adults
not someone who has a tantrum at work cos the photocopier isnt owrking

haha! my most often used expressions are a variation of teh same thing

"Hmm, I'll think about it"

"Maybe. I'll have to see"

etc etc

Do you think it can also come down to temprament of said child though?

Dh and I were well brought up, good manners, respectful etc etc. And taught ds this from a very early age. But sometimes he just pushes and pushes.....

coddy, you are right.

but actually you forget to say that doing all that does make you liked anyway. kids like boundaries, it makes them feel safe.

kids do push when they know that they can. that they are safe to do so.

it is absolutly the role of the parent to raise fully functioning adults. thats why all this saying not saying "no" bollocks eludes me. pandering eludes me. treating hilren like they are precious jewels not to be scuffed - eludes me.

what you end up with is either - a precotious little shit or someone who wts himself when you say BOO

whichwouldnt do near the photocopier either - not that you all think your child is ever going to be the one doing the photocpying.

i men they dont say no to me

i say no all i like!