URGENT: Would you 'force' your 5 year old to go to last day of school if they ABSOLUTELY didn't want to go???

[MrsBigD]

DD is begging me not to go to school. Not because she's feeling ill, but 'because my legs hurt and I don't want to go'. Tried to find out if anything happened at school that upset her, but I know her and another girl have been vying for 'top dog' position - quite funny really considering they're only 5!

Tried 'it's the last timeyou'll see your little friends for a while' 'it's last day of school so it's special' and even 'if you don't go you can't have your hair cut this afternoon' (which she really needs to have done as she looks like a shaggy dog atm)...

Would you make her go?

TIA

God, yes. It's the rules for heaven's sake!!

Also, what if you had something really important on that day, what would you do then? The decision wouldnt be so easy.

If she is allowed off for such a weak exscuse she will try it again (or at least i know my kids definitely would) and so on and so forth. She might decide again one day that she dint want to go and you do infact have to do loads of things that you cant get out of it. Id imagine she would find it quite hard to accept, that she does have to go.

Just my opinion, dont shoot me for it!

cba I always admire how people with more than 2 kids manage . DS is very head strong and physicaly strong so actually to get him into the pushchair and then prevent him from toppling it is quite a feat and I need both hands on the pushchair

Pesto, 'it's the rules' yes I guess but the school actually said it's ok to keep her home yesterday.

Personally I think starting school that young is a bit much anyhow . I'm from Germany and we don't start till we're at least 6 or even 7 which I think is much better (goes to hide now before things start flying)

quite possible though I am committed to a good education not just forcefully ramming it down a 4/5 year old's throat... so probably mea culpa

Blimey! My kids are desperate to go to school, at ages 6 and 4. 4yr old cant wait to get into reception class this september. I think i would go insane if they didnt start school until age 7! Good grief what would you do with them all day every day? Anyway, the reception year isnt very demanding on them its mostly learning through play, and getting used to the system of school life. Year 1 was much more taxing for dd1 and she has been incredibly tired towards the end of the summer term. But has learnt so much and her confidence because of her learning has been very noticiable. A great benefit for her personal development.

No obligation to send them to school if that is your view in the UK at least and there are schools where going to lessons is voluntary like Summerhill.
But what you don't really wantis to undermine the authority of a school you have chosen whose philosophy doesn't not fit with your own because then the child is confused by a parent who doesn't agree with the follow the rules of the school. It kind of gives them the view that obligation, rules, authority is something we willingly flout and makes it harder for teachers and other parents who are trying to ram the message home to the child that they have to go every day and it is important they do for the greater public good almost.

well I almost agree with Xenia .
I amnot massively convinced by the benefits of school for under sevens either tbh. I think homeschooling is a perfectly desirable option if possible in the circumstances.
however, once you have put your child into school, then imo it isn't helfpul for the child to learn that it is OK to avoid something you don't like. not to teach them to obey authority but because it teaches them it is acceptable to take the easy way out and that is not the way to be successful in life, in every aspect of life, from school to music to relationships to work to sport. Far preferable to teach your child coping mechanisms and not to bottle it.
imo

my 'philosophy' is go to school because you drive me insane at home, but didn't have the heart because she was in such a state. I know I had days when I didn't want to go to school and my parents made me. Too right too because I was the stroppy 'I'm not going' type but dd was not stroppy she was heart rendering sobbing etc

I think it is also possible to say to your child "well I don't agree with this either but sometimes I have to do things I don't like and that is what you need to do to get by and be successful."

yes of course I'd make her go

yes

and the attitude of 'I'm desperate for my kids to go to school because it's annoying/unpleasant/unbearable having them at home' is one which mystifies me.

pointydog, nothing mystifying about it... I'm recovering from depression so my 'stressability' is rather non existing so kids 'better off' at school

I wouldn't. They're not doing anything particular at this stage. She's obviously hating school at the moment and why does an illness have to be physical in order to be convincing enough to keep them off. We systematically fail to safeguard our mental health and if she just can't bear to go to school on this one day, let her off.

My kids have the odd 'duvet day' but still have attendance of around 92% which is enough in my book. There are days when, whether it's because of an argument with friends, because they're missing home or just because they're tired and fed up, they really don't want to be in that massive crowd which is school.

Some kids can take it more than others. At one end of the scale some kids are actually school phobic and forcing them to go every single day whatever their stress levels is wrong.

We all know there are large problems with the state school system and our children are feeling the brunt of them. There would be an argument for treating them as herd members before individuals if that herd were perfectly cared for and in a good state but it isn't.

I know this is extreme and possibly not relevant but I have to mention it as it's constantly on my mind.
I have an aquaintance who was asking friends about home ed and very worried as her dd was being bullied and was hating school so much. I told her some stuff about home ed, (she had been told by the school it was illegal ) most others told her not to do it for social reasons. Her dd, as young and beautiful teenager, died in her sleep about a fortnight later. They're still not sure why. The girl had been begging her mum NOT to make her go to school.

A handful of people a year kill themselves because of bullying. There must be thousands more who are under terrible stress but we don't hear about them.

We MUST listen to kids when they are stressed about school and not have this blanket blinkered 'send them anyway to sort out the issues themselves' approach.

We're making them go to school. We must be responsible enough to be aware of their stress levels and not be so dogged that they feel they're abandoned by home, into school, daily, come what may.

If they're school phobic of course you take them to a psychiatrist - that's different. If it's just a silly 5 year old creating a fuss to test boundaries you say - great - you're doing something you hate. That does you the world of good.