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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

URGENT: Would you 'force' your 5 year old to go to last day of school if they ABSOLUTELY didn't want to go???

66 replies

MrsBigD · 20/07/2007 07:53

DD is begging me not to go to school. Not because she's feeling ill, but 'because my legs hurt and I don't want to go'. Tried to find out if anything happened at school that upset her, but I know her and another girl have been vying for 'top dog' position - quite funny really considering they're only 5!

Tried 'it's the last timeyou'll see your little friends for a while' 'it's last day of school so it's special' and even 'if you don't go you can't have your hair cut this afternoon' (which she really needs to have done as she looks like a shaggy dog atm)...

Would you make her go?

TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BridgetTheWoollyMammoth · 20/07/2007 09:05

My dd is 5, leaving reception today. She didn't want to go and cried this morning.

I made her go.

I think you only make a rod for your own back if you give in.

FlameDelacour · 20/07/2007 09:06

What did you do?

I'm a mean mummy and send come hell or high water (which yes, there is today, but that's not the point )

robinpud · 20/07/2007 09:07

If you have kept her at home, I would probably still take her up to school after lunch and let her have the last afternoon with her friends and to make clear school isn't optional and to say goodbye to her friends and teacher.

Budababe · 20/07/2007 09:25

Sounds like she might be coming down with something - or just be really tired at the end of the school year.

Ours not so bad this year (Yr 1) but last year they were exhausted and I saw one Mum cajoling her DD into class in the last week say "only 3 more days to go and then we are finished".

She won't have missed anything important - it's just us that feel they should be there!

(Having sat through year-end assembly at DS school in June where 70 children from nursery to IB level were leaving and they talk about each child and it was BOILING. Ugh.

Original poster

MrsBigD · 20/07/2007 10:04

did keep her home but gave her big talk that once she's y1 and a BIG girl that isn't going to stick.

problem is that if I only had her I probably would have dragged her in kicking and screaming but as I also have ds who's a handfull at best of times I don't have enough arms iykwim

As for making home the worse option... I've made her study and she's not allowed 'her' tv programmes today and no handstands, cartwheels etc. ;) and just now I did cancel her hair appointment as she's having another paddy...

And now I'm in a foul mood because dh just basically implied I'm too soft... well next time he can deal with it! Oh I forgot he goes to work and I'm the one taking kids to school everyday... sorry... rant... feeling fragile

OP posts:

Budababe · 20/07/2007 10:08

You made the right decision at the time. (My DH would say I am soft too! IN fact he went to bed last night in a foul mood as he says DS is so disobedient - my fault of course!)

She hasn't been rewarded by not going. If she is throwing another paddy she my just not be feeling great.

FloriaTosca · 20/07/2007 10:21

You have made the decision that is right for you and re-enforced that home is not the soft option; good for you cancelling the hair do and banning her programmes...(and I really do hope for both your sakes that she isn't sickening for something..though if she was I'm sure she would have used that excuse earlier)..just stick to your guns and make sure she doesn't manipulate you any more today.

NKF · 20/07/2007 10:23

At five, I'd have let her off going.

MarsLady · 20/07/2007 10:27

I always make mine go. They need to give me 3 weeks notice of illness before they can stay home. First day, last day... it's all part of the school calendar.

I'm not sure what you decided in the end (only read OP so far).

Speccy · 20/07/2007 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch · 20/07/2007 10:41

I'd have sent her.

Judy1234 · 20/07/2007 11:22

In our house there have never been any acceptable excuses for not going to school unless I determine the child is too ill to be there (I, not they). As it's not debatable no one has ever really tried it on.

It's very important to support the school. If children could just stay off whenever they chose where would the school be?

TootyFrooty · 20/07/2007 11:23

Agree with Xenia.

fedupwasherwoman · 20/07/2007 11:27

Have this to face in September and all advice recieved so far from friends of school age children has been "child goes to school every day - its non-negotiable". As soon as they grasp this fact it shouldn't be a problem except in extreme cases.

NeverTickleASleepingSoupDragon · 20/07/2007 11:30

Yes I would. Personally I wouldn't want to set a precedent that she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to.

harleyd · 20/07/2007 11:38

i would have sent her. doesnt matter if its the last day or not, its still a school day and shouldnt be up for discussion. in my house if the school is open, they go

UsedToBeMLS · 20/07/2007 11:41

You followed your instinct and did what you thought was the right thing at the time.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You're her mum. Your call

Original poster

MrsBigD · 20/07/2007 12:14

one thing just occurred to me... she started 'don't want to go to school' since I started work again 3 weeks ago. I don't work Monday and Friday and that's when she was having slight temperature and not wanting to go to school. Didn't happen when I wasn't working. Oh gawd... I have a psychosomatic drama queen!

I accept all the 'I would have made her go' replies and as of Y1 she will go as there won't be a choice as I'll be working full time ;)

OP posts:

FloriaTosca · 20/07/2007 14:18

Glad you have spotted the pattern; clever little blighters arent they?
As you say, things will be different next term for both of you...we all live and learn..even from our children!
Mine is due in October and in five years you will be telling me and the others in my situation exactly how to handle ours ...it is so much harder when it is you in the middle of it all.

Judy1234 · 20/07/2007 21:46

That's how children are. You just have to be firm with them. There's an article in today's Times about saying no and asking parents when did you last say no to your child.

If a child says to me I don't want to go to school I say tough, there are lots of things we don't like to do in life so you might as well get used to them now and I also say it's good for us all to do things we don't want to do. Of course I've never had a really school phobic child with psychiatric problems which is a different thing entirely.

bookwormtailmum · 20/07/2007 21:54

Yes I would - I've had to persuade my daughter around to the school on a few occasions but when she's got there, she's been fine.

As it happens, she was in tears last night as she realised that she wasn't going to see her teacher again .

cba · 20/07/2007 22:00

mrsbd, you say that you dont have enough arms to control a hysterical dd and ds, cant you put ds into a pushchair, or do you and it is still difficult. Not being funny or anything, I have three children 6,4 and 2. 2 year old full tantrums at the moment and 4 year old militant but I still manage to get 6 year old to school and walk. Just interested!

wheresthehamster · 20/07/2007 22:01

Just because they won't be 'learning' anything is a pretty poor reason. They will be learning that school isn't just about literacy and numeracy but about other things like last-day parties, playing silly games, giving and accepting gifts, saying goodbyes etc. I don't know any children that would willingly miss the last day of the year. Is there a hidden reason do you think?

CalifrauniusFudge · 20/07/2007 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 20/07/2007 22:05

OP - yes, DD would be going regardless, unless ill.

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