A Child Of Our Time

[Enid]

Anyone else watch this last night? Was anyone else left with the feeling that the experiments they do are trivial and random and that they only show the ones that work? I suppose I want it to be a straightforward developmental show (probably selfishly as dd is the same age as the kids on it), but I always find it disappointing.

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This programme infuriates me. I felt very sorry for the woman with depression and thought it was high-handed and patronising to suggest that her sons bad behaviour was wholly due to her depression. At least she had improved by the end of the programme and was having a better relationship with her son.

Agree the disabled artist was an inspirational parent - and proof that proper discipline can be kind and good for kids! Yes, I felt a bit sorry for the Irishwoman, but a LOT more sorry for her little boy, who was imprisoned, lonely, and as another person said, probably starving hungry by 10.30. I actually thought it was good that the programme was child-centred as opposed to parent-centred. And I am glad they do try to help the families involved, and seem to succeed most of the time. Not a perfect programme, by any means (Winston gets up my nose sometimes) but an interesting one.

Have to agree - yes Ethan was getting a bad deal and she celarly needed help - but the sweeping generalisations that Prof Winston was coming out with were just out of this world. One minute it was all due to our genes - the next the triplets were 'behind' because of their parents lack of discipline. Given the lack of sleep the mum had to cope with I thought she was a saint!
It was just a bit too simplistic and I'm VERY glad I'm not taking part!!! I hate to think what they'd make of us....

I find the whole thing interesting despite myself. I always end up feeling guilty and inadequate, but thats parenting for you. By chance,we followed it up by watching some home video the inlaws sent us, which gives an inkling how you might come across yourself (wince). Watching yourself 8 months gone and trying to avoid anything too active with dd is a bit scary.

The situation was hearbreaking, but I think its a bit unfair to suggest Kerry was being a bad mum, as that implies it was concious, I think she was doing her best in the state she was in. Depression can be absolutely crushing and knowing what needs to be done and doing it completely impossible. I am just so glad she is getting help and pulling through to the benefit of all. It makes you wonder how many women there are out there in the state and whether they are being reached.

I do wonder though how selective they are being in the editing as the fathers are conspicuous by their absence a lot of the time. Dh and the husbands and partners of my aquaintance seem to be around their children much more but maybe thats not good telly.

I really wanted to know what the Irish woman's eldest son did in the mornings? I did feel sad for her little boy but thought she was very courageous to allow the programme to be shown.

I missed the programme - never remember that this series is on. Was the disabled woman featured blonde, and born without arms? Is her little boy's name Paris? If so, yes she's amazing - I saw another programme about her a while ago. Was the reason for them being in the programme positive or negative?

Yes its the same woman. Her name is Alison. The programme showed her in a very positive light IMO. At the beginning at about 18 months her little boy was running around, doing exactly what he wanted, hurting her by hitting, throwing etc and basically she said he knew he could get away with it because she wasn't able to stop him, catch him etc. But she also said that because she'd never had this freedom she was very reluctant to restrain him in any way. But she eventually decided that he needed some discipline/boundaries. They showed a session with a play therapist (I think) and then at the end they showed Paris at 2.5 yrs and he was amazing, a totally different child. He was still your typical curious, lively 2 yr old, but she could get him out of the car by him putting his arms around her neck and then they walked across a road (a shopping street) side by side but without any restraint. He really seemed to listen to her and take notice and basically love her.

Can you tell I was impressed?! DS was 18 mo yesterday. We'll have to see what the next year brings....

I was so sorry for Ethan, and his mum. Having suffered from depression myself, I can totally identify with the selfish and inconsiderate aspects of the mother's behaviour. Fortunately for my ds, this was all prior to his birth, so I hope that he will never be affected in this way.

I am the product of a mother who suffered from depression when I was a baby, and times were so different then. There was no help, and depression was almost a dirty word, if it was diagnosed at all. It has certainly affected my life, and caused me many problems, which have been helped by counselling. Long story, but I suppose I am trying to say that at least Ethan stands a chance in life, as his mother will be able to get help for her depression, and the support is there if you ask for it.

I still felt like crying, seing him calling for his mummy, and trying desperately to reach the toy on the floor. I sometimes put my ds back in his cot, after his morning feed, if I can see that he is still tired, or if it is way too early to get up for breakfast. I bung a few toys in with him, and he plays himself to sleep, or just contentedly plays for an extra half hour. As soon as he starts moaning with boredom, or as soon as it is a decent hour to get up, I fetch him.

I too worry after watching this programme. Am I affecting his life by putting him back in his cot, and getting half an hour's more sleep? At the end of the day, he is stimulated well during the day, so I think that it is OK to teach him to be a bit self reliant. Just not for 3.5 hours!

Thanks Bozza. I was just curious because I think it was a magazine article I read about them when Paris was a few months old and Alison said he seemed to know that she couldn't hold him in the normal way and make allowances for that in his movement/behaviour. I did wonder what would happen when he became a wilful toddler, and whether he'd show any resentment of her due to her disability.

I don't think he showed resentment at all (although maybe that will come later) but he seemed (at 18 months) to be taking advantage of her physical limitations (running away, throwing things at her etc). However by 30 months they seemed really close and he was about as well-discplined as you can expect a lively 2 year old to be.

Hi Chinchilla, I definitely don't think you are doing your son any harm at all. If it's too early to get up you are doing both him and you a big favour by teaching him reasonable civilised hours. There's a HUGE difference between that and leaving him in his cot for more than 15hours, crying and lonely for more than three. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job and are incredibly aware of your parenting. I think it sometimes almost helps to have experience of being parented quite badly, as you really make an effort not to repeat patterns. I feel a bit like that myself.

Chinchilla, I worry too about ds - I quite often put him in the cot, just for 10 minutes or so, if there's something I really need to get done, and I worry that I'm neglecting him. But, I read somewhere that children need 'boredom time' as it helps assimilate what they've learned during the day, and it also helps to cultivate their imagination. So when they're older, they are better equipped to amuse themselves, or make up games, rather than always needing some external stimulation (e.g. parent, tv, playstation) to keep them amused. Don't know if this is true, but it makes sense I think. I'd really like my kids to be able to have fun with whatever resources there are - the saddest thing I ever heard was at the zoo when I heard a boy aged about 5 saying to his mum "Mum the lions are so boring!". I just thought, if lions are boring, then what can you find to be interesting?

I missed the first of this series so it may have been answered...... Are the triplets IVF babies? If so why in earth would anyone with three children want / need IVF to have more children??? If they're not IVF children how come they are all non-identical? I know women can release two eggs and if both are fertilised then fraternal twins occur - but three egs being released - what are the chances of that????? Poor woman though!

I don't think the triplets appeared last week at all - so we are none the wiser.

It says here that they weren't IVF -

"With three young children - Jimmy, Hayley and Charlie - Nigel and Tracey were a little dismayed when they found out they were expecting a surprise addition to the family. Especially when the surprise turned out to be not just one baby but three!"

The summaries for all of the last series are here: www.bbc.co.uk/factsheets/child_of_our_time/index.shtml

Re: boredom time, surely our parents didn't amuse us ALL the time when we were kids? Boredom is a part of life, or rather learning to deal with it and accept it. Our parents had playpens. There can't be any difference between using them and putting your child back in her cot for 1/2 an hour to get some rest/get things done. We don't all appear to be damaged individuals.

I was laughing with a friend of mine about how 'neglectful' all parents were in the 70s. We both had vivid memories of stopping off on long car journeys, with our parents INSIDE the pub having a nice drink while we and our siblings sat OUTSIDE in the cold car park, wearing our anorak hoods up and drinking Coke, while our parents waved at us.

And a packet of crisps if you were good! I also remember us being left outside a shop whilst my parents went inside.

We used to lie on the parcel shelf of the car as it was being driven. My parents both smoked and would, relunctantly, open the car window about 1/2 inch when we complained from the back seat about being unable to breath.

When my brother used to come into the living room to say he couldn't sleep , my dad just told him to close his eyes and face the wall!

Yes, we used to sit outside the pub with crisps, Coke and a sandwich while our parents were inside. We were only quite young, as well, say 6 or 7. I'd never trust my 2 in the car on their own - how did they manage to relax while we were up to no good outside?

Yeah, I have memories too of being in the back of an estate car, no seats let alone seat belts! With my 5 brothers and sisters travelling to Scotland. We also used to play out anywhere and everywhere, with one of my brothers being despatched to find me when tea was ready. And walking a mile to school and back every day on my own and in the dark at winter!

Certainly, a typical Sunday afternoon out for us was a visit to Macro (no children under 12 allowed in), so we had to stay in car in car park while dm and dd went shopping!!! Games like "Count the red cars" get a bit dull after a couple of hours.

Oh for the luxury of an estate car! All 3 of us had to squeeze in a sidecar on a motorbike (like Olive in On The Buses!!).

Tee hee. When I was 11 I used to regularly miss the school bus so took the 'short cut' through four fields (complete with bulls), under a barbed wire fence, over a live railway line, a stream (had to jump it) and through a big housing estate. Suffice to say, at the end of this, I was not the most chic child in my class. Also never even thought to mention any of this to my mum...