I'm so scared about autism - please help.

[chillyigloo]

My daughter is 7 months old.

She doesn't make eye contact at all when being held or up close with anyone, however from a few feet away will make good eye contact and smile at anyone.

Also, she doesn't respond to voices at all. I know her hearing is ok but I can call her name over and over without any reaction from her.

I'm so scared about autism that I'm making myself ill. I know it's too soon to get any sort of diagnosis, but does anyone have experience with these traits and their child has gone on to be either autistic or not. Either way I'd like to hear about it.

Thanks in anticipation,
A very tearful Mummy!

I think you need to find a way to put that fear on hold really or it will consume you (and if its not autism is will be something else). I had momentary panics with both ds2 and ds3 as I knew their risk was so high. I really found setting a date "If no pointing by 18 months" & having that agreed with the HV helped. It gave me something to focus on and stopped me analysing everything beforehand.

Perhaps a chat to a sympathetic GP or HV would help?

Chilly - > its horrible being worried about our babies, your DD sounds lovely and absolutely normal if you ask me. You are LOOKING for symptoms so you are bound to find something. My DD has speech delay, i dont bother to compare her to her peers, it upsets me - but she will get there in the end and like your DD she is a perfectly happy, normal little girl. Enjoy your little one while she is still little. If she has a problem then you'll notice it in good time because you are a good mummy who is vigilant about these things but please stop torturing yourself. Now its a lovely sunny day, take your wee bairn off to enjoy the sunshine and just enjoy!!!!

I knew ds1 had a problem from birth, looking back he was born autistic (some people talk about how their kids were 'normal' until 18m/2yr and then regressed. ds1 was different from day 1.

ds2 was a smily happy baby, lots of eyecontact etc and I thought wow, what a difference. In fact, it was the diff between ds1 and ds2 that gave me the courage to push push push. ds1 was diagnosed with autism at 2.5yrs.

ds2 was diagnosed with autism when he was about 2.5!!!

Which goes to show, you really can never tell.

What I would say is trust your instincts. I said there was something with ds1 from birth, hv, gp etc wrote me off. I didn't see anything really with ds2 until he was about 2, then I put it down to copying his brother at first.

If you feel worried, get advice, get input, get noticed. If at the end of the day, they finally come and say we have catagorically ruled out X, Y, Z, you can heave a sign of relief. It cost you nothing and you feel better.

If, on the other hand, at the end of the process, it is discovered that she has something (autism or whatever), then she benefits from early intervention - which is a bloody godsend!!

There really is no downside to getting her seen by someone.

mytwopenceworth, i have to say, despite my advice to OP to simply enjoy her baby that i do agree with your trust your instincts advice. I pushed it when DD lost some skills at about 14 after the dreaded MMR, i was so paranoid i had made her autistic i was climbing the walls. My HV was great, did assesment, assured me i was wrong about the autism, which was clever because even though i didnt mention it she knew that was what was bothering me. She referred DD to pead at my request and stressed to me that we only had to refer if i wanted to. She saw the pead who said she was fine fine fine. She still has speech delay but she is in the system and has started with SALT. I could also file away my autism worries and worry about something else insted

bump

As other posters have said, it really doesn't sound like anything is amiss from what you describe, also I don't think babies are expected to respond to their name until 12 months. But seeing as you are concerned, I don't see any reason not to have a chat with GP/HV (whichever you have more rapport with).

as well as the Baby Talk book, the book called "You make the difference" is also very good. Also your local Surestart centre may run a course to encourage communication/bonding etc - at my local one it's called "Baby Connect", not sure if it's a standard name. If you do go to groups etc at your local Surestart centre, you may find people with more experience with special needs than your HV to talk to about your concerns.

Reading your post brought back a lot of memories for me as I had the same worries when my dd was a baby - specifically the fact that she would not look at me when she was close too - even when feeding, but always made good eye contact from a distance. I don't remember when she started responding to her name but I am sure that it was not as early as 7 months.
I was so worried that I got a private paed appointment and even though he thought she was alright I still worried myself sick.
I was lucky that I had a fantastic health visitor (I know that a lot of them aren't) who knew of a local organisation that offered counselling for mums and kids up to age 3. The lady I saw was a child psychologist and though I did not know this at the time she had a special interest in autism. Our sessions consisted of me sitting in a room on the floor with my daughter and talking about my feelings while dd2 played/ cried whatever. The sessions helped me enormously and it soon became clear that I was suffering postnatal depression which I then had treatment for as well. (Not saying that you have this)
I don't know what part of the country you live in, I am in Oxfordshire but I am sure there are similar projects around the country. The one I went to was called Oxpip and was a charity - you paid as much or as little as you could afford for the sessions.
Sorry to go on so much but really what I am trying to say is that there is often extra support /advice available and your health visitor may be able to help you access it. I also know how wearing constant worry is.
By the way dd2 is know a feisty happy three year old and my worries were unfounded.
HTH

Hi Chilly, I can really sympathise as I am super-paranoid about DS's development. I've posted on here before about the fact that he wasn't copying me (he's 8 months) (and copying me a bit now, but still not very often!). He was the same as your DD in that he wouldn't make eye contact close up, but would happily make it from a distance. In the past month or so he seems to have outgrown that, and now makes good eye contact from whatever distance. I know how you feel because even with rational and reassuring advice you still can't help but lookn for possible 'symptoms'. Even though I know that he has copied me before, I still get worked up when I try to get him to copy me and he won't. I don't like going to mum and baby groups because I know I'll terrify myself comparing him to other babies. However, in my calmer moments, I know that he is OK. My instincts are that he is fine - but my instincts are easily overtaken by fear and I work myself up so easily. I know that it is really hard, but the best advice you can take is to try and enjoy your baby. I still struggle to do this sometimes, and to put these fears to the back of my mind, but in moments of panic and fear I try to remind myself of the saner moments when I am reassured. I find this helps a bit. I bet that your baby is fine, and I bet that you would think my baby is fine. But we're just too panic-stricken to see it for ourselves!

'I can calm her when she's upset, but it's generally by holding her and rocking her whilst singing songs (like moon river!) rather than just talking to her.'

well thats a good sign- wouldnt ahev worked with my 2 asd kids (have one NY one as well)

making eye cpntact at all is a good sign as well, and she is a bit young to respond o her name I think.

Tbh I do think you've no real need to wqorry as yet. She's less likely than the average to be ASD anyhow (being a girl)

Give it until she's 18 months and see how she is then, maybe get a vision screen at a year as we did with ds1?

Agree with gess- couldn't have told ds3 was (probably- paed hedging gets but definite and amrked SN) until older, we were asure he ewasn't- despite ds1 being HFA.

Chances of a 4th child being ASD according to paed is 1/20 for us, with ds2 NT. Still a bg chance they wouldnt be.

I called her today and she turned to me ...it made me ball my eyes out! It's the 1st time she's done it, and she wouldn't repeat it but along with the AMAZING support I've had on here, I feel a little calmer tonight than I have done in months!

If I could kiss you all, I would! ( here's one for you all to share ... x)

Chilly - I had dd's hearing tested at 8 mo for this reason. It was fine and she has turned out fine too. I really wonder if your job is making you extra-fearful - not that ASD can be detected by sonography! I have a research project based partly on the study of ASD and I think I was especially watchful of dd because of that. Jill

It would appear that the turning to my voice was a one off ...

Stop testing her!

Seriously I would talk to someone aboout this anxiety, or you're going to get completely worked up. Really even if your dd is severely autistic (and nothing in your post suggests she is) you are not going to have any sort of screening tool that can be used until she's 18 months (and even if she failed that there would still be a policy of reveiw in a month or 8 weeks initially). You really are going to have to find a way to deal with this anxiety or you are going to make yourself ill.

If you're really worried get another hearing test done to check that both ears are working OK. I'm not sure what age they start to test vision- ds3 was before 2, I was told that long sightedness is normal in young children, but perhaps ask about vision, but autism? The earliest screening tool is the CHAT test really and that's used from 18 months.

DS1 had glasses before he was ayear old, although his problems were amrked (50% vision, which has improved somewhat). Your HV can refer.

I seriously think she sounds bang on normal, but can I ask- if she were ASD - what do you think would change? She'd still be your baby, doing exactly what she does now and you would still feel the same The world doesn't end when I child has a disorder. You stop, mourn a bit and then get on with it. So waht, exactly,are you afraid of?

If you took her to a Paediatrician tomorrow, even the best inthe world, he or she would tell yu it is too early to dx. If a professional who ahs worked in the field every day and trained for years can't tell you, how on earth could you tell by calling her name? Seriously?

DS3 is 4 in a few weeks, and quite significantly delayed- verbal and language issues, developmental and social delays etc. yet our Paediatrician wants to watch him for afew YERAS before she amkes a final DX as there are so many looalike syndromes, and thats with a sibling with HFA!

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6509469.stm

honestly, they aren't expected to respond to their name before 12 months - this article specifically says they tried a bunch of 6 month old babies and found it was too young.

I know how this worry feels, as I had it for ages because my DP's brother has ASD and I was alert for signs from DS. One possible sign I read about was lopsided crawling. DS duly did it, and so of course I went into overdrive worrying. I asked my lovely GP and HV what they thought and they were great - although they did point out that it's not always easy to tell, they have of course both encountered a lot of babies and seen plenty of children with ASD, and they said they felt confident that DS was normal. He's now 2 and still seems normal so far. Talking to them really helped a lot.

Also remember even if your DD did have ASD, it can be mild, it wouldn't necessarily be awful, you would learn how best to help her and you would still adore her and you would still help her reach her full potential. Thinking that way has helped me calm down about DS as well.

Can you discuss your worries with the HV at the 8 month check?

It's not necessarily awful if its severe either! Same child.

Sorry if I offended you gess, I didn't word that very well and I didn't mean it might not be severe so therefore not awful IYSWIM.

However some people do find life with a child with ASD to be awful and I think that is what the OP feared - it is after all something that's generally not wished upon poeple...

chilly, you MUST stop this. It is going to affect the way you parent, your DD is going to pick up on your anxiety (i can talk i know!) and it will affect the way she behaves. Take a step back, read this thread and give yourself some objective advice. Your DD is very young yet to responding to her name. She is fine, she is your lovely little girl and she is fine.

I am going to stick my neck out here, i would imagine that all the mothers on here with SN children would rather they did not have difficulties to overcome. BUT they would not swap their children for the world, they are who they are and they are loved for who they are. My DD does have speech delay, shes getting there, i suspect she wont have any significant problems tbh, but i thought to myself today, would i want her not to have speech delay? Not if it changes who she is, i love her so much it hurts and i just burst with happiness and love when i cuddle her, because she is MY little girl. (ive been at the brandy, can you tell?)

You will love your DD no matter what, you will continue to worry, want the best for her, its all part of being her mum, but you have to relax, she is who she is, no amount of worrying in the world will change who she is (a normal little girl with a mummy who loves her) adn you will get so much pleasure out of being her mum, i promise.

I know snowleopard you didn't offend me. Just being pedantic really. My severely autistic ds1 is the most affectionate of my 3 boys, I get the biggest cuddles from him- so it's not always as people think anyway.

agree with lucyellen as well.

Also if you keep saying her name over and over then she may just be too used to hearing it! Thus won't turn to the sound of it.

You all offer great advice, and in my more sensible moments I agree whole heartedly with it.

Of course, if there was a problem, nothing would change. She'd still be my girl who's the most important thing in my world.

I can't really explain why I'm SO scared. Imagine if you were waiting for a diagnosis of something that you feared or if you have a SN child, imagine back to their diagnosis. It's not necessarily the dx I'm afraid of, because you just have to get on and deal with it. It's the waiting and the wondering. And the torture you put yourself through on the inside because you KNOW that you can't do anything to alter the outcome and make it what you want it to be. You just have to wait. And that wait is so painful at the moment.

Did that even make any sense?

It's a difficult balance. Sometimes parents know best and intervene early and improve their children's chances whilst others let the wool be pulled over their eyes by well meaning friends who want to make them feel good that there is no problem. On the other hand some people look for and almost invent a supposed problem of their child - at its most extreme that thing - munchausen syndrome or whatever - do what you're doing - have her checked but also don't let it affect how you love and deal with her and enjoy her. I was about to say get back to work and also have a second child as useful distraction. Parents of second children tend to worry less. No time.

I'm no expert but my son used to ignore me when I called his name. He first responded to his name at 6 months but soon found that ignoring me was more fun.

He was organizing colours and shapes and pairing up animals in his ark at 7 months and I too had a mini panic about autism but it turns out he was just advanced in that area.

Try not to worry (easier said than done) but what I used to think is, what difference would it make? he'd still be my son and I'd still love him unconditionally so I might as well get on and enjoy him.