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Original poster

please help me out tonight. ds1 (nearly 4) is just so draining right now.

40 replies

oops · 26/06/2007 22:06

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colditz · 26/06/2007 22:08

four year old boys

heartwrenchingly beautiful, frighteningly irritating.

give him some time on his own with you away from his brother?

FrannyandZooey · 26/06/2007 22:08

that sounds grim

I bet you are a saint, as well

do you think there are any other issues here, for instance this sensory thing? or do you think it is all just difficult behaviour getting harder to deal with as he gets older / more strong willed

SenoraPostrophe · 26/06/2007 22:09

milk and sugar?

sounds like a lot of hard work. has anything changed lately? new school/nursery? is he tired?

SenoraPostrophe · 26/06/2007 22:10

oh, does he get a run every day? a bounce on the bed will work as a stand in I find.

SenoraPostrophe · 26/06/2007 22:11

I'm so glad ds has silent tantrums

Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:16

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Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:17

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Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:18

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SenoraPostrophe · 26/06/2007 22:22

oh oops I know the feeling so well.

school broke up for dd last week, but ds1 still goes to nursery because I need to do some work and can't do that with 3 of them. both went to nursery when I just had to look after ds2.

he does the shoe thing too actually. I usually sit him on the settee and offer to do this one if he does that one.

sounds like your ds is harder work than mine at the mo though. hope it's a phase.

can you put him to bed earlier?

FrannyandZooey · 26/06/2007 22:24

Is this sensory thing indicative of anything? It is jumping out at me from your posts

no kissing or cuddling
says you are hurting him if you touch him
can't stand clothes on
hates getting wet
won't wear shoes

apologies if I am talking crap but is there something going on here other than 4 year old problems? Is it worth asking on the SN board?

Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:26

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SenoraPostrophe · 26/06/2007 22:32

well...

I'd really like to be the calm chilled out mother you are, but I'm not. I hate it but I do lose it sometimes and shout at ds1 and dd in a way I am not proud of. but I am calm most of the time.

not that I'm suggesting you do that, but maybe the calm parents you compare yourself to are not all they appear to be?

SenoraPostrophe · 26/06/2007 22:34

and re bedtime - ok then, how about a set half hour for "quiet time" (i.e. a replacement nap) early in the afternoon? it helps dd.

FrannyandZooey may also have a point but it is my experience that many children dislike clothes and shoes. dd has also been through stages of not liking kissing, but not ds. It never ceases to amaze me how different children are in fact.

JetPeanut · 26/06/2007 22:34

Just wanted to add my sympathy. They can really really drain us, even to the point where we wish we didn't have them. That's a fact, because we're all human, oops, and there is only so much we can take. You sound like a wonderful mum. Up making craft stuff in the early hours of Sunday? I bet your little boy adores you.

Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:41

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jajas · 26/06/2007 22:41

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1dilemma · 26/06/2007 22:42

I rant and get shouty too then hate myself. WOuld echo time alone with him IYSWIM.
Shall I put the kettle on?
Also as I said to someone off to bed early because of new baby he will grow up sooo quickly don't beat yourself up too much.

Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:42

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oops · 26/06/2007 22:46

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FrannyandZooey · 26/06/2007 22:46

oops I do awful shouting when I get too stressed

and ds is NOT a problematic child at all, just a normal 4 year old

please don't make this hard job any harder by putting unrealistic expectations on yourself as well

he sounds like an unusual and bright little boy. I think realising we can have any negative emotions about our children is extremely hard to cope with, especially if you have idealistic views about how we want their childhoods and our parenting to be

Bamzooki · 26/06/2007 22:46

Hi - I have a (just) 4 yr old ds - they can be hard work can't they?
One question. Do you know if he behaves in this way with other people? My ds can be very temperamental with me in ways that are designed to create maximum attention from me. My mum says it is very marked - when she looks after them - he is an angel until I get there, whereupon he changes into this attention monster. So just wondering if he acts the same with everyone, or if some of it may be for your benefit as it were.

The other thing that strikes me - is that if it were me - the lack of tactile touch bit would bother me and I would probably try and do some sesssions of touching, like say hand or foot massage if he would allow it, or something small to start with and build from there.
That said - I have no experience with children with sensory issues, so I may be way off with that.

Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:52

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Nemo2007 · 26/06/2007 22:52

Oh oops thank you for posting..my DS is 4 in oct and has turned into a complete nightmare. I have found myself shouting at him more for just generally beingf a wind up merchant, pushing and punching the girls and generally being naughty. He is angelic at playgroup and with anyone else so its just at home. I am drained by him at the minute and his cheeky replies, pushing the boundaries, being overly rough and telling me he doenst love me or telling me to go to my room..I usually respond I wish I could!!

I also have dd1 who is 18mths and learning to say no and slap,scratch Ds which just adds to the fun and of course DD2 is teething so past few weeks have been a bit hellish..so thank you for making me remember it is a phase and I am not alone

Original poster
oops · 26/06/2007 22:55

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HonoriaGlossop · 26/06/2007 22:56

I'm certainly going to pat your hand and say that I can tell from your posts that you are indeed an angel

I too have a very opinionated, hard work, strong willed four year old who has had some humungous tantrums so I fully, fully understand how hard things are for you at the moment. I wonder if some of his frustrations are compounded now that ds2 is much more mobile, demanding and attention grabbing; it's a bit easier to cling on to your pole position when number two spends alot of the day immobile/eating/sleeping perhaps? And again, possibly compounded by his having to be at pre-school while ds2 has mummy at home? Not that I'm saying you should change this, of course you need that time when he's at pre-school, just wondering if it has an effect on his behaviour?

He does sound as if he has sensory 'ishoos' but I have heard of many children who DON'T have special needs, who have these things...he sounds pretty normal to me.

Do you play up to his competitive side with things like racing him to get clothes on; or if he plays at being characters you can make his shoes an integral part of the game - though I imagine you will have tried this stuff. I think it's just a case of repeating yourself about stuff like shoes etc, until he comes out of this phase basically.

I'm sure the testosterone surge they get at around four could be playing a part in the vehemence with which he feels everything right now.

So without being glib and saying 'it's just a phase' I'd say remember that this is just a phase My ds was really similar to how you describe yours, he's not five till August but he is I'd say 75% more a reasonable and reasoning human being. No more tantrums........