Sometimes I don't like me daughter

[golds]

But I do always love her.

My 6.5 yr old daughter is a nightmare, she has the attitude of a 14 year old, everything I say I get 'so' or 'dont care' or 'what ever' she is really starting to make me dislike her.

She is a very talented little girl and a real extrovert, she shines at her ballet and tap and has even had comments made about her, she is excellent at school and is very consistent in all subjects, but at home she is awful, she seems to have so much energy that she wares me down, shes always back chatting me, she wont sleep at night, and the holidays have been very draining, the only peace I'm getting from her is when I'm asleep. It was 11.30 before she finally dropped off last night.

My major problem or potential problem is that our son (4) is an angel, he's so laid back, does what hes told and rarely is naughty, he goes to sleep when told and only takes a few minutes to get off, in fact you can put him to bed and say I'll be back in a minute and he's gone, you don't even have to sit with him.

With her, she wants you there all the time with her, you have to lie with her to get her off and if you move to soon, she wakes up and creates. I keep thinking that she thinks that we favour our ds over her and perhaps she's feeling a little insecure, but she gets all the praise we can offer, we do love her dearly, if I ask her for a cuddle or go and grab her, she turns away and refuses you in her space, she will only dance if I'm not watching for fear of critisism, but I never would.

Because she is SO good at what she is interested in, she seems to have got it into her head (not from me) that perfection is the only thing to stride for. She didn't want to go swimming anymore, because at one swimming class (arm bands) she was the best, but as soon as they moved her up to the next class (no arm bands) obviously because she was new to it, she was the weakest, she refused to go after that.

I think also, she reminds me of myself, always the joker that everyone laughed at, but I didn't feel as loved as my sister, I still have a problem with my sister to this day, my mum and dad said they have never favoured her over me, but because I'm feeling like this towards my dd, how can I believe them. My confidence is very low, and I just feel as if the only job I thought I would be good at (parenthood) I'm failing at.

Please don't get me wrong, I do really love her, but I am currently going through this feeling of hating her at times - I thought all the troubles start when they are 14 and not 6.

Hopefully going back to school will make it better - at the moment I just can't wait for 7 September to arrive

message withdrawn

oh,golds.it sounds like you are having areally hard time at the moment.As for the 'not liking 'her thing, don't all parents feel this way sometimes? I know I do!! Just as I feel it about dh sometimes.Doesn't stop me loving them to bits though,as it doesn't stop you.
Not sure what to do about the attitude etc as have only got v.small boys.Maybe there is an activity that the two of you could do together,something that neither of you have done before and you can learn together.That way she realises that even if you are not the best you can still have fun...maybe something like skating that involves lots of falling over at first!! That would give her lots of your indiviual attention too, and a time for you to be friends.
As for the back chat,I think you should come down on that quite hard as if she thinks it's acceptable now, she'll be worse when she's older!
Maybe play her at her own game ..if she asks for something, and she's in this mood say something like " As if!!"" Let her see how unpleasant it is!

I'm probably talking rubbish,hope something I've said might help.

Thanks - I know your right.

She is too old to be so clingy at bedtime, as for wearing her out, she does more than me, and I'm shattered at the end of the day, she just keeps going on and on.....

I know part of the problem, or even all of the problem is me and dh. obviously we haven't been strict enough. When she was younger, I always took them up for a bath at 6.30, got them out at 7, they would be alseep my 7.30, perfect time for me to relax, but since the lighter nights, school holidays etc.. I have been more relaxed and she played on it and taken me for a ride, I just have no energy at the moment to tackle it.

Actually my mum has just phone and offered to take them both out, so I'm hoping that will give me enough time to recharge my batteries and toughen up ready for tonight. I know my approach is wrong at present, I get so stressed out that sometimes I shout alot and its not very productive, I have never hit her, but at times the anger inside is bubbling over I feel like exploding.

I do try and do things with just her and me, and she is always on the go, this holidays we have been to loads of places, but I can't do it every day, I think she is bored at the moment, although I am keeping her physically occupied, none of her friends have bothered with her and alot of the time she has only us for company, 3 weeks ago she got her school stuff ready, anxious to get back.

Tonight, I am going to reinstate the old routine and take them up for there bath and then not let them down. See if that works

Can your dd read herself? My dd also 6.5 is not good at settling down at night but now she can read she doesnt keep in and outing of bed because shes busy reading.
If you can be bothered startcharts are a good way of getting the things you want from your dd.
And once I told my dds they could have an icepop for breakfast if they were nice and quiet and stayed in bed...I didnt hear a peep from either of them and it got the back to school routine back instantly.
I dont like my dd sometimes either, she thinks the world owes her something and all should be done for her, and she is disgusted if you ask her to help you out....she drives me potty. But I cant change her...oh and when she speaks to me like dirt, I ask her to say it again nicely, and if she doesnt I ignore her till she does.
HTH and much sympathy.

Well we had a good night, they both went up at 7.40 for their bath which was deep and warm, at 7.50 they came out and were sent straight to their bedrooms, they got dressed and got into bed with a book, ds looked at his Thomas book on his own and dh went to see him 5 minutes later. dd got her books out and started reading, I left her for 5 minutes then went back, she asked me if I could leave her again for a further five minutes so she could finish her story, 5 minutes later I went back and she was fast asleep

She woke up at 11pm and came down, but dh just took her to the toilet and put her back to bed - she slept until 9am this morning. RESULT

Throughtout the whole of these holidays, I can't remember when I last sat down and had a evening to myself - I really hope this works again tonight and its not just a one-off. BTW I think a combination of her knowing I wasn't going to give in + her reading made it happen

so pleased for you golds.sometimes they need those boundaries, makes them feel secure.It sounds like she will be loads better when she goes back to school and is with her friends again.Hope it all continues!

Excellent Golds, hope you told her how pleased you were, good result!

Oh I need help, I'm at the end of the line with her. Last night as per night before, stuck to the same routine, bath, bed, reading by 8pm. DS asleep within 10 minutes after looking at book. Promised dd that I would come back to her after 5 minutes, gave her her books, hugs, kissed and left room.

She finally fell asleep last night at 11pm, 3 hours of tantrums, screaming etc etc, we have an old man who lives next door and I wouldn't have blamed him if he had rung the police - she was TOTALLY out of control. She says she can't sleep on her own, shes scared of the dark (her light was on a dimmer) etc etc.... I will not give into pressure and lie with her until she sleeps, she is old enough to be able to fall asleep. At one point I had had enough and held her door shut so she wouldn't get out, she hurst my hand by pulling at the door handle she is so strong. I confiscated (sp?) one of her toys and put a cross on her star chart for bad behaviour - what else am I to do ??????????

Ds is having a friend round to play today, its the first time he's had one round without there mum. Dd has had lots of friends to play and thankfully her friends are kind to ds and let him play too, should I invite a friend for her to play with or just give the treat of having a friend round to play with ds and leave her pondering and reflecting on what she has done.

I felt so bad last night, that if the police had of turned up I would of said 'here have her'

message withdrawn

I think I will contact the neighbours, because if that was me listening to her, then I would be worried.

My mum and dad have just offered to take her out, but if I let them, then surely that looks like she's having a treat and personal attention, do you think I should get rid of her today, or make her realise that she is missing out ?

message withdrawn

I could talk until I'm blue in the face, we have many heart to heart chats, she does appear to understand at the time, but never remembers.

Funny thing happended yesterday and I don't know whether it is the reason, but yesterday she was lovely, she even hugged my dad who she normally tells to go away - she was an angel. We went out to the park, then onto our local Wacky Warehouse, there we had a meal and both dd and ds had a fruit shoot, ds was fine, but dd gulped it down and then started mucking about whilst waiting for our meal to arrive, it was as if a switched had been flicked. I don't know whether it was just bordem of waiting for her dinner or whether this drink affected her, normally I wouldn't see a change but because she had been SO good, it was noticable.

So today, breakfast was a choice of porridge or weetabix and she will only drink water today, see whether this makes a difference, its worth a go.

Ive just asked her if she wants to go out with nanny, but she said 'no' with her face all scrunshed up, well she can be bored then today.

She has just apologised for her behaviour last night, I know its an empty apology, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt and see how my day goes.

Thanks for your support

message withdrawn

message withdrawn

Oh thanks, I think I will look into this, do you know how I where I can get her tested for food allergies ?

I knew I could rely on some good advise on here, I have got to try something its driving me nuts.

Just spoken to a friend about her and she agrees that Ive just got to stick to my guns and she's testing my boundaries, I hope I can get this sorted out before the return to school

message withdrawn

message withdrawn

Thank you

I have made an appointment at the doctors for 3pm tomorrow, hopefully he will be able to allergy test, will have a better picture tomorrow and hopefully a peaceful night. Thanks again, links very useful and interesting

Golds - fruit shoots make both my girls twitchy and manic and very hard to control. If I make a conscious effort to avoid any e numbers they are much calmer and more cooperative.

Hi Golds, saw your reply on my post about my ds. Hope you get on ok with your doctors appointment.
At least we know that we are not alone. Let us know how you get on.

Just got back from the doctors, not sure if I wanted to go as I felt I was wasting their time, our Doctor is lovely and reassured me that I wasn't. He explained that a allergy is not that simple and would be quite intrusive (sp?) he recommended that we at least tried some other tactics first, especially as my dd behaviour seems to be confined to relaxing, bedtime and being at home, as I say at school she is almost angelic.

We have taken the approach of the obvious - praise when doing anything good and normal and ignoring bad behaviour, being firm and making sure she knows I mean it, and being consistant, all of which I know I should do, but sometimes I don't and just end up shouting instead.

I think hes right, but I just wanted a professional view on my approach, my HV said she is not interested (in so many words) with children once they start school. Funny that, I thought they were supposed to be there for you from birth to death !!

Last night we had a better night, she went to bed at 8 straight after being in the bath, she had a little cry and said she didn't want me to go, but I firmly said, I have to, you must do this by yourself, mummy will be back in 5 minutes. Normally speaking I would have gone back only when she started creating, but last night I went back after 5 minutes even though she wasn't crying, reassured her and left again for a further 5 minutes, after 3 trip up to see her, she was asleep. She fell asleep at 8.40pm and got up at 8.30 this morning, so I think I am on the right track, just nice to get it reinforced and know that I have some support.

He also recommended the book 'little Agenls' has anyone read it, can anyone comment ?

Thanks

Please someone, give me the strength to carry on tonight, she's screaming the place down and I don't know what to do, she has been doing this since she went to bed at 8, and has just woken up ds, dh is with him now

message withdrawn

message withdrawn

I don't know why she does what she does, I think sittig in the room with her, would'nt be any good, she will think that she has won by getting the attention from me. Dh has just been and explained to her that I'm upset, its gone quiet, I just hope she goes off soon, I can't spend every evening like this