Not walking almost 18 months

[mummylifesince17]

Hi everyone,I am just looking for a bit of advice. My daughter is 17 months (15/05/17) and is not walking. She started bum shuffling when she was about 13 months old. When she was just 4/5 months old she would literally want to stand all the time I was panicked she would walk super early but when she discovered sitting up unaided she seemed content not to move until 13 months. I take her to toddler classes, soft play, we walk her dogs, she has a trike, we have spread toys at different levels and areas of the house ...we have a push walker and recently even bought a toy kitchen to encourage her to stand.
She can pull up to her knees, the knee that she used to shuffle stays in that position whilst the other she can put her foot flat down. She cannot pull herself up or stand unaided. She does weight bear whilst walking with flat feet. She can walk holding both my fingers and very very occasionally if distracted enough will walk with one hand whilst holding her cup. We assist her up stairs and she can sit on a little chair to eat etc but her balance seemed so off when it comes to standing. I wouldn’t be as worried if she could at least stand or pull herself up unaided but she has to have something to balance her like have her tummy against a table.

I spoke to our HV who came out to see her. I discussed hypermobility however she was reluctant to commit to anything and said she would ask the GP if they wanted to see her. We were supposed to hear two weeks ago and I haven’t been able to catch her on the phone. Pest!

All her wee friends are walking it’s making me so upset seeing her being left behind. I was even told not to bring her to a play date because she couldn’t join in.
She wants to move she now wriggles to get down to walk aided by us even as far as all the way round Asda or to my parents house which is in the next street. She has a want to do it and is very frustrated - soft play become a nightmare as she can’t climb up anything without me taking her. However there is no indication of her improving in balance or having the strength to go it’s been the same for months physically. She cannot even cruise furniture.

I am panicked. I am worried something is wrong and we are wasting time doing the wrong things or not giving her the help she needs. Anyone any advice or similar story?

I should also add we have her in nursery one day a week to encourage her by seeing lots of kids play.i work from home so this was purely to see if it would help but no luck as yet

I've got no expertise in this but I suppose it does sound a bit unusual and I think in your shoes I'd step up the hassling of the health visitor or else just go straight to the GP.

It sounds like she can walk sometimes though, holding your hand, but mostly doesn't?

But I mainly came on to say that the person who told you not to bring her to a play date is a fucking witch.

On the pulling up thing, can she pull herself up against furniture? Do you mean she can't pull herself up direct from the floor with nothing to hold onto?

@Rainatnight she can walk holding my fingers and does this all the time, has very occasionally been able to walk with only holding one hand however can not walk unaided at all or stand without support. Yes you are right about the witch comment also it was so mean lol

@gower4 she cannot pull herself up to a stand even using furniture. She can just get to her knees or have one foot on the floor but the shuffle leg she cannot get to a stand at all.
She can only get to a stand if supported by holding our hands

I have a DS who is now 21 months. He has only just started walking (though he’ll still only walk across a room, and then go into crawl mode). I had a complete meltdown when he turned 16 months and wasn’t walking and took him to see my HV. I also talked to a paediatrician about him at the same time (this appointment was for something completely different, but I hijacked the discussion and with my concerns!). They both said there was absolutely nothing to worry about because he was doing everything he should do, in a typical order, just slower. He’s been behind the curve with all his gross motor skills: started setting up at 8:25 months, commando crawling at 9.5 months, crawling on all fours at 13/14 months, pulling to stand at 14 months. All health professionals told me that there was nothing to worry about, and he will just get there in his own time. They look to his muscle tone, how he stored when leaning against something, his hips, how do you walk on I was holding his hands etc. They said there were no signs of physical problems - they were obviously right as he’s doing it, he is just late.

It may be the same with your LO, she sounds a very very similar to my son. He didn’t start standing on his own until 19 months, and even then, he only did it at nursery and never at home - it got to the point I was wondering if nursery staff had imagined it! Now that he’s finally doing some independent walking, I am seeing improvement every day, which is lovely. Previously, everything took forever. It took months, for example, to go from walking holding two fingers (both hands) to being able to walk holding just one hand.
Having said all this, I would still advocate speaking to professionals if you can. It may just be that this puts your mind at ease, if there is anything, they will be able to put intervention in price.

And I agree that your friend is a cow!

@ilovedotcotton thank you also for your detailed response it’s very kind to share your experience. It sounds similar but your little one seems a bit further ahead as you mention they were crawling at 9.5 months and pull himself up at 14 months. My daughter was really early to sit unaided just shy of 6 months but then progress slowed majorly. She didn’t bum shuffle until 13 months and cannot pull herself up on furniture just until her knees, I have attached a photo of how far she can get.
It is really starting to hamper her confidence when we go out. She was such a social happy little thing but I can sense she is fully aware she is being left behind.
I was really hoping she might do the same at nursery. We are stretching ourselves financially so she can go there and to several classes (not to mention play dates). We obviously don’t grudge these things but it would be lovely to see some benefit. We have gone to a jo jingles class since she was 8 weeks old and a lot of her wee friends have left (mums back to work) but the new ones just leave us out and whisper about how odd it is that she isn’t walking. A class we both once loved is becoming uncomfortable.
Thank you for sharing and it is lovely to hear your son is making progress! I totally relate to the worry and it is comforting to know that people have had similar experiences.

@mummylifesince17

I’m so sorry you’re so worried - I really relate to it. I know exactly what it’s like when people pull a face or question why my son isn’t walking at his age. Although he can walk, he still not walking very far and his default model is to crawl so I still feel a bit uncomfortable sometimes when people ask about this development (or just say, ‘what’s wrong with him?’). Luckily, he’s doing well in every other area so that reassures me a somewhat. DS also goes to nursery, and they have asked me multiple times what I’m doing to help him at home and I have felt a bit attacked by them. I spend every single day (when I’m not at work - only been back 3 months) on the floor with him, or holding his hands to help him walk. I’ve been doing this for months, and my back is destroyed by it, so it’s annoying when they seem to imply that I’m not doing enough!

I would definitely go to your GP and health visitor and ask them to look at her again. It’s certainly can’t do any harm.

When you help her to stand, are you pulling her up or is she pushing up herself and using you for balance?

As an aside, my son is still wobbly and I have wondered about asking the GP to check his ears - I wondered if there might be something affecting his balance.

@ilovedotcotton thank you so much. I hope your son continues to gain strength and make progress which I am sure he will. I can relate to the annoyance I feel like people assume she’s been brought up sitting in front of a tv when it’s completely the opposite. I don’t particularly like swimming but go every week/fortnight to try to work on her strength.

She really uses us to pull up. You can feel her putting her weight into us to do it however and we don’t really pull her up too much. We went to the park to feed the ducks today (she is duck obsessed) and she wanted to walk but would not contemplate doing it with only one hand. She only ever seems to manage that upstairs on a short walk to get in the shower and with a lot of persuasion, and whilst holding her milk cup.

I have never been a particularly anxious mummy however I did have an ectopic pregnancy in September so I know I have been suffering from worry lately - which prob explains why I’m taking it extra hard.

I think I will make an appointment with the GP and push for them to really look at her. I’m just worried she won’t participate as she really struggles with doctors after she had bloods and an operation to remove a small lump on her head.

Hey, just an update. We were referred to a paediatrician who had a really good look at her and watched the videos I took of her (in case she didn’t ‘perform’). No muscle wastage, no apparent issues with her hips and obvious problems with her feet. She said her balance is definitely off but could not work out why. She has referred us to a physio and will put in a referral for an MRI to rule out anything more serious (under general anaesthetic) however she doesn’t think there is anything growing inside her head. She wants to double check that and to ensure there aren’t parts of her brain that haven’t fully developed. She did however say her speech seemed pretty good and she understood instruction very well so that was a positive.
I am very worried but hoping to physio night do the trick. It is so hard watching her cry out of frustration and my back is killing me from assist walking everywhere. She doesn’t really want to bum shuffle now just be walked everywhere. My hubby is 6’4 and I’m 5’7 so we are feeling that struggle too.

I am so glad you have posted an update, as I was only thinking of you last night and wondering how things are. I’m so pleased that you’ve got the referral - it seems to have been very quick, how long did you have to wait? It does sound as though there are some positives in what the paediatrician said, though I know it might not feel that way until you have had the MRI. Do you know when it will be, or when the physio will start? Has the appointment allayed any fears for you?

My son hasn’t made any progress with his walking since I last posted. If anything, he seemed less reluctant to walk, not more. With huge amounts of encouragement, he will walk between me and my husband, but only about 10 paces also. I am now wondering if I should go to the doctor with him and ask for a referral. I’m not sure whether it’s the right thing to do or not because it’s clear that he can walk, but he still seems very unstable to me and I think his balance is a little off too.

I also have terrible backache so I literally feel your pain! I’m 5’9’’ and my son is very small for his age, and I feel like my back is ruined!

@Ilovedotcotton Aw thank you hun. It was really quick we saw the GP on the 6th of November & she put in for the referral to the paediatrian. I got a call from the children’s ward on the 9th to tell us they would see her on the 21st of November. Much swifter than I was expecting! She couldn’t give an indication of time for physio or MRI just said she put it in that day. Hopefully won’t be too long. It was good that she didn’t spot anything awful but at the same time I’m like then- WHY?! She was at nursery yesterday and they said she did a little better with a wooden walker so I’m going to get one (we only have a plastic one) and see if it helps any. Will also go swimming a bit more to try get her legs stronger.

Oh no I’m sorry to hear your son isn’t progressing much that’s a shame. The good thing is he is walking at some level. If you are worried I would push to get him looked at best case they say it’s just going to take him some time or a little physio might do the trick.
My GP and paediatrician was pretty supportive but Piper is probably in a bit of a worse situation in that she doesn’t walk or pull her self to stand or stand fully unaided so possibly more red flags to warrant the referrals. If in doubt push his case and let them know of your concern. Have they checked his ears or his feet before? I know a few people suggested doing this for Piper as ear issues can throw balance off or if they have a high arch or something a wee boot can stabilise them.
It is awful isn’t it I am hunching constantly! Xx

A bit late to post here. DD didn’t walk until 2. I took her to the Hv at 18 months who told me they wouldn’t refer for late waking until 2. At 2 she had started to walk but not great at it, so she was referred to see a paediatrician. The difference was that she could stand/cruise around the furniture from 11 months but didn’t walk unaided until over a year later. She’s 3 and a half. Her walking has come on so much. But we have just been told she has low muscle tone and hyper mobility.

She may surprise you. Bum shufflers tend to be late walkers. My sisters (now 12) bum shuffled and didn’t walk until 2 but is now perfectly fit and healthy. 😊

My dd was the same, like JKCR2017's dd it was a case of low muscle tone and hypermobility; the same condition (Ehlers Danlos) also affected her balance and her proprioception (knowing where her limbs are). It did go on to cause her some problems that could probably have been avoided with an earlier diagnosis, but she is very physically active now (22 yo).

Thank you for your comments.best case she is just a really late walker. On Friday she pulled herself up using my parents couch for the first time to a stand. I was so emotional but she is yet to do a repeat! We are doing our best to encourage her she seems to be on her knees a bit more so I’m hopeful she may at least perfect that soon. I am worried it keeps me up most night. She is so frustrated that it can be difficult. We got a wooden walker and I am just dying for her to use it so my back gets a break but she just doesn’t have the confidence to attempt it no matter how much we coax her.

Good luck... DS didn't walk until exactly 18 months (the week he started nursery). I was getting a bit worried, but I remembered my mum said my brother didn't walk until 19 months.

@mummylifesince17
Yay, well done Piper! It’s great news that she pulled herself up. I know the feeling of being desperate for them to do it again, but just once is a huge step, and it shows she is able to do it (and also has the desire to do it). She WILL do it again!

My DS took a while to warm to the walker but once he got the hang of it, he really loved it (and still does).

Nursery staff were telling me this morning that one of the children has just turned two and taken her first steps this week. She was also late to pull herself up. They said that she has been investigated by paediatricians and nothing is wrong, she is just a late walker. There are probably more of us in this situation than we realise but it’s so, so hard not to worry.

Try not to get too upset about it OP. 18 months is the later end of "normal" for walking - DD1 didn't walk till bang-on the start of 18 months and it was so soul destroying watching her crawl around while tinier babies were literally running rings around her.

In her case - once she figured it out in her mind, she did it pretty much straight away - as she's got older we've realised she's not a natural risk taker and needs to have everything figured out in her mind before she tries to do something - and when she did get walking, she was very steady on her feet almost from the outset and didn't do much of that unsteady walk that's typical of toddlers.

If it helps - she's now nearly 7, usually found climbing or swinging on things, top of the class across the board at school and you'd never know she was later on gross motor skills... in contrast my early walker and early climber is the child who's turned out to have fairly severe dyspraxia and falls over constantly.

She sounds exactly like my DD. She never crawled and started bum shuffling at 14 months. She didn't pull up or cruise furniture until about 18 months. She walked holding 2 hands for another few months then went down to 1 and finally started walking on her own reliably just a couple of weeks before her 2nd birthday. There's nothing wrong with her and she's caught up now at almost 3. Her delay was largely due to not crawling. It is much more difficult to get from sat down to a standing position than crawling to a standing position. She always hated tummy time and we probably didn't push it enough. Bum shufflers are very often late walkers. Once she could sit that's the only position she wanted to be in.

The relief when she could walk was immense. I'm sure that your DD will get there too.

Thank you all so much for your comments I will continue to update. She hasn’t pulled herself again yet (bummer!) but will keep encouraging. She has however been a bit less resistant to walk with one hand. She reaches for things to hold on to quite a bit but we try to give her something to hold to distract her. Pretty wobbly but an improvement from meltdowns. I have ordered her a wee pair of kickers boots (in gold 😍😂) as I have seen a lot of people recommend them for assisting them to feel secure. Worth a shot I guess!
@Oysterbabe wow that does sound similar thank you for sharing that it’s comforting to hear the positive outcome.
It’s fair to say all I want for Christmas is a walking toddler! X

My son had physio (did not take his first steps til 21 months). I remember with the pulling up to stand they used a little stool for him to sit on to pull up from there - kind of breaking it down into easier steps. It is stressful but it sounds like she's making progress.

Ds1 was 20 months before walking unaided. He crawled but was late in doing that too.
Ds2 was 22 months before walking. He bum shuffled and went so fast that getting on his feet wasn't a priority for him.
And anyone who deliberately excludes a baby/toddler from a play date is disgusting.

@dimples76 did your son also not pull himself up prior to physio? Is he ok now? Her progress is subtle she’s still extremely wobbly (similar to mum in heels after a big night out back in the day haha). We are just trying to make walking with one hand her new normal just now in the hope it might build her some confidence. She is very unsure and will try to use things to steady herself along the way. We are waiting on the physio referral coming through I am hoping it will be soon!

Thank you @spanishfly I was hoping she was just late due to the bum shuffling but her balance is so bad I’m not so sure. It certainly hasn’t helped things though. I know it was a sad moment, i have even felt the silent criticism of friends- I know behind my back they are wondering if I carried her too much or I’m not doing enough with her to get going.i certainly think there is a competitive side to parenting

Just keep an eye on her, but try not to obsess over it. Put some of he favourite things on the settee for her, but don't even mention it or "encourage" her to get them. Just put them there and leave her too it. If she wants them, she'll make an effort to get them.
It might not happen on day one or two, but persevere with it while watching from a distance and not pressuring her.
I think you'll soon know if she's just late or whether there's more to it. And if there is more to it, it's also not the end of the world. DS1 has Aspergers, and it's normal to us, completely normal. You won't love her any differently, and you'll get support.
And re the friend who sidelined her, you'll find lots of nutters parents like this as they grow up. I've always tried to be understanding re other kids and issues they may have - and that means I can sleep at night. Those parents will also get a fright when it's their child not invited to a play date or a party etc.
It happens a lot, and it's not usually for a "mean" reason - eg my DS2 had a party, and on the day he said "OHHHHH, I meant to invite Caleb too! I wish he was here." and I felt lousy thinking of this wee boy in his class who was maybe wondering why the hell he hadn't been invited. My DS2 has been forgotten about at times too. DS1 was deliberately excluded now and again, and it sucks.
Oh, and you'll also get parents who think "DS didn't get an invite to X's party, so therefore X will not be getting invited to DS's", which is also ridiculous - they're just kids, and don't need to learn about tit-for-tat etc from their parents. Ugh the whole thing is exhausting.
And I've totally sidetracked from the point of the thread hehe!

He can walk fine now - he's still not the strongest in motor skills e.g. he's 5 now and struggles to hop. He has poor core strength and but unlike your daughter he has other health and developmental problems - he was a late talker.

Thank you @SpanishFly and you are definitely right about loving them no matter what challenges they may face. I think we take it all so hard because we are so crazy in love.
I can imagine parent politics only gets harder as they get older. Thanks for sharing with me :)

Just a wee update- she is now pulling herself to her feet throughout the day. She heavily relies on support from a table or sofa and often looks like she has to ‘build herself’ up to it. She seems to prefer if the stability comes from something lower that she can push down on rather than pull up I’m not sure if that implies anything? She will pull herself to her feet using one hand with a little more ease too.
She has also starting going getting up from her little chair and using the edge of the table and our sofa to walk towards me. She just seems soooo unsure of herself. She fell down on her bum yesterday and starting puffing and hung her head I felt awful for her. I tried not to make a fuss and just said it’s ok darling we all fall sometimes it’s fine don’t panic about it. When she calmed down I got up and plonked down on my bum and did a little ‘whooops silly mummy and laughed then got back up and said see we all fall sometimes it’s ok’. I don’t really know if that was a good strategy but I tried it. I am a bit worried I’ve made her a totally nervous child! She’s an only child and I’m not amazing at rough play she’s quite a gentle child.
She is still pretty wobbly (light she is walking a right rope) but def some improvement in her capability over the past few weeks. Walking with one hand is improving she walked around dobbies the other day the whole time and she even used a walker with one hand (holding mine with her other- another nervous thing!).
I cannot get her to even attempt to drop my hand she freaks and we have tried sitting and encouraging her to go between us but she has a hissy fit.
We now have an app for bloods Dr wants to check she isn’t deficient in anything. She isn’t great at taking cows milk but will eat yoghurts (2/3 a day sometimes!) and has a good diet. She breastfed until 14 months but will only have a small amount of cows milk in her cup a day since stopping. I tried to put it in food to supplement but I previously spoke to the HV about it and she said her diet was great so I shouldn’t be too concerned. Who knows! Still awaiting the physio app. She has cancelled the referral for the MRI just now due to the progress with walking with one hand and pulling up.
Thanks all for taking the time to read my long blab!