"Alpha mums turn parenting into a serious issue and motherhood into martyrdom, and the result is nobody has any fun"

[Twiglett]

article in sunday papers says Alpha Mum might have had her day

and that Beta Mums are raising confident happy children

well hurrah

Of course it's not a job. No one sees it as that. Men and women bring up children all round the world. It's a relationship but it's never been a proper job and these silly alpha mothers thinking they can make it be so are just being idiots really. You work, you earn money and you also bring up children just like you look after your parents and spend time with your husband. Those aren't jobs they're relationships.

There's another thread on this, and I reckon that's the beta thread because they're all putting their feet up on the table and getting pissed.

Is this where the Alpha mummies hang? I want to be one of them.

Right, now I'm going to read what they do.

I'm no Alpha. I have a couple of beta traits that I'm not proud of. Now when is the next pta event...

How to spot an Alpha Mum

• Her children's activities timetable is more complicated than a Heathrow flight plan NO
• She has a copy of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families on her bookshelf NO
• Her nanny speaks Mandarin NO
• She schedules childrbirth for the right month of the school year No - how can you do that then
• She knows the exact nutritional content and GI rating of what her children eat NO
• She schedules sex with her husband No
• SHe has a drawer with cards and presents for all occasions No
• She always manages to get a front-row seat at school plays GUILTY
• She serves alphabet pasta at tea, sot hat her children can practice spelling NO

How to spot a Beta Mum

• you can tell what her children had for breakfast by looking at her jeans No
• SHe has been known to wear pyjamas on the school run No but sometimes I've not washed yet
• She forgets children's birthday parties No
• She gets drunk at PTA parties No
• You can't see the floor of her car for old sweet wrappers, assorted papers and general detritus True but that was true pre-dd as well . It may be marginally better now than it was then.
• She tries to remember what sex wasl like with her husband No
• Her house is in a state of perpetual clutter Yes
• She has rotten fruit and bribery sweets in ehr handbag Yes
• She runs out of petrol on the school run No but we walk to school [preening icon]

mmm.

Hello 100. Good to see you. I can't be a beta because I don't wear pyjamas on the school run.

This is partly because I don't have any pyjamas but mostly they would be very surprised if I turned up at work in pyjamas.

I bet your nanny sees it as ajob xiena

har fio!

Quattrenco - you might get away with pyjamas on a dress-day day .

Although my winter pyjmas would not do for work - they're built for comfort, not glamour.

Hello Quatt. There's an awful lot of people claiming to be beta mummies but still getting seats in the front row isn't there?

I do have a box of cards

We do get front row seats but only because of DH being ill and we get the sympathy vote from the staff!

I just get there mega early for a front-row seat. I have no shame in this either .

I never get anywhere early.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Is Beta Mum like...... Beta ware.....? Beta buy?

I'm a delta mum.

Or even kink-aware.

it's like 'must do beta'

Or get some reading glasses! Oh god, I really think I need reading glasses. That makes me feel so old, I can't tell you.

Is there an option after delta mums?

Oh. Enough Ladies! Come on let's be Alpha Mums, it'll be fun. We can talk Mandarin to our nanny, still get the best seats and it seems that our children will not only be able to spell but they'll also be able to do their x tables.
I'm going to be one. Sounds wonderful.

Aloha, you just did

100x, but where will the Dwarves fit in?

Will you have to teach them mandarin as well?

But I've got to go and put them to bed first, before this transformation can take place.

No, honestly, admitting I need reading glasses makes me feel older than that simple sentence can fully express

No, MB the nanny is going to teach us all. She's got a first from Cambridge, but she really 'loves children'. Dwarves hmmm. They'll have to be timetabled somehow.