Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Should a 21mth old be able to understand the word NO ??

44 replies

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 16:58

My Ds is nearly 21 mths and if he's doing something he shouldn't be (most of the time) and I say 'No' or 'Don't do that please ***' it just seems to go straight over his head and he carries on.

Does he really not understand or is he just ignoring me ??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

tammybear · 26/08/2004 17:03

everytime i tell my dd no, I do it in a firm voice so she knows she's doing something wrong. She'll stop for a minute but when Ive turned my back, she'll carry on again. I think she knows she's doing something she shouldnt be but will carry on doing it anyway. Sometimes she'll cry because Ive told her no, but it doesnt stop her from doing it again. Annoying isnt it?

Chandra · 26/08/2004 17:05

I don't know for sure Nutcracker, DS ignores me some times (specially when he is having lots of fun and sometimes he finds it very amusing to be told off and he gets back to it trying to get a response) but I think he is able to understand 'no' since he was about 9m old

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 17:07

Thanks TB and Chandra

I do say it in a firm voice but he doesn't even stop for a second, and seems to think it's a game. Even if i physically remove him from the situation he will go straight back again.

OP posts:

tammybear · 26/08/2004 17:12

dd's like that, or she'll look at me and either give me an evil look (which is actually really scary ) or give me a cheeky smile and carry on. she's almost 21 months. i havent really thought about it, as dd understands most things, like if i ask if shes okay, she says okay or if i say her name, she'll look at me or come to me. is he ok with understanding other things?

Chandra · 26/08/2004 17:18

My only advice would be to keep removing him from the situation until he gets bored. Probably next time he will know that you mean it and whatever he does you won't allow him to go ahead with that?

I send DS to the naughty step but even that he finds funny, we only need to mention the step for him to go to sit himself on it, I don't know why he likes it so much!

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 17:19

Well I have been a bit worried about his general development too, and am planning on seeing the H.V when Dd's go back to school next week.

He understands when I ask him if he wants a drink (although he doesn';t say yes or no), when i say it's dinner time he will go to his chair, and if i ask him to get his shoes he does.

He doesn't respond to his name very often either though and today at my moms I was pointing to his car and saying put the man in the car, and he kept looking around the room for the car even though I was pointing at it. I even held my finger up and then pointed to the car so he could see where i was pointing to but no, he still didn't look.

OP posts:

fisil · 26/08/2004 17:20

nutty, ds (19 months) has recently "forgotten" the meaning of no. I use my best teacher's voice and say it very sharply and firmly, but he often carries on, or worse starts shaking his head cheekily saying "No! No! No!".

For something that is dangerous we are fairly successful as we say "Dangerous" and he says "ouch" and then leaves it, because he's a southern wuss and doesn't want to get hurt!

For something that is a matter of civilising him (eg throwing food at his uncle) we ask him to look at us then we do a sorry face and tell him we don't like it and that it is not a nice thing to do. If he continues to be cheeky/not take it in, we hold both his hands and keep asking him to look at us until he makes eye contact and eventually he does look sad. If he doesn't he gets one warning about the naughty step. The naughty step really is the best thing since sliced bread!

Sounds a bit strict I know. Sod it, that's because I am strict. But I don't fancy my life being ruled by an errant toddler!

tammybear · 26/08/2004 17:23

i also use a naughty spot too. problem is the door has windows in it so she finds it funny looking through them at me. but it is quite funny when she starts pressing her face against them

Chandra · 26/08/2004 17:23

Does he always do the same when you point something?

muddaofsuburbia · 26/08/2004 17:25

Nutcracker - one thing I do with ds (23 mths) is use my hand to do a no "sign" as well as saying the word. He understands that so well now, that I can just use my hand from across a room without saying a word and he'll know from that and my facial expression that I mean business.

I hold my hand up like a policeman stopping traffic and sweep it from left to right. Then I hold my hand there right in front of his face so he can't miss it until he stops whatever I've asked him to do.

They definitely have selective hearing at this age, but if you have other worries then I guess it's best to check them out. Maybe he needs visual clues as well as verbal ones?

blossomhill · 26/08/2004 17:31

I have followed quite a lot of your threads NC about your ds and think you are right to get it checked out. The fact that he understands to get his shoes and that it is dinner time are all very positive signs!!! I am sure that everything is fine but it is always best to get it checked out IMO.
Has ds had a hearing test recently?
My ds did understand the word no from before the age of 1 whereas dd who has langauge difficulties was much later on.

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 17:32

I do use the naughty step now for Dd's which has varying degrees of success.

I know if i put Ds in a certain place he would just get up again. I don't think he would understand that I was telling him to stay there.

Chandra - Yes he always does that if I point to something. He can point to things himself, to show me something but can't follow if I point to something. I usually find myself having to either tap the item i am trying to show him, so that he'll hear it or actually picking the item up and putting it right under his nose.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 17:34

Meant to say I do also turn him to face me when i'm telling him No, but he genuinly doesn't seem to understand. Although sometimes he will laugh so maybe he just thinks it's a big game.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 17:36

Blossomhill - My Dd2 (4) recently had a hearing test too and got the all clear. Do you know what they would do at a hearing test for a child of Ds's age ??
I'm assuming it would be different to what they did with Dd as Ds wouldn't understand what she had to do at all.

OP posts:

blossomhill · 26/08/2004 17:50

If I remember it's the one where you have to put the people in the bus once you hear the sound.

tammybear · 26/08/2004 17:54

has your ds had the 21 month check up? im suppose to be taking dd in september for it.

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 17:56

No TB he hasn't had it yet. I think it's closer to 2 yrs here.

Blossomhill - If they asked Ds to do that he wouldn't have a clue what they were asking him to do. That seems quite a hard thing for a 21mth old to be able to understand.

Would your Dd understand that TB ???

OP posts:

tammybear · 26/08/2004 17:58

no, dd wouldnt do that. she'd probably just look around looking for where the sound came frome.

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 18:01

Yeah thats what Ds would do too, and he wouldn't of understood them asking him either.

OP posts:

tammybear · 26/08/2004 18:05

my dd goes to tumble tots when its term time. all the other children can put sticks in holes but dd cant, she just pulls them out. she doesnt know how to put the sticks into the holes, which sometimes worries me, but she creates a game with the other children where she'll take them out and they'll put them back in. my HV has always said dd will be about a month behind as she was almost a month premature. was your ds early?

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2004 18:20

He was born at 37 weeks TB.

He doesn't really play much with his toys at all, doesn't seem to show much interest in them. He is obssesed at the mo with his balamory dvd and the vacuum.

He cannot do jigsaws, build a tower or do shape sorters (he will try with those but gets annoyed when he can't do it). Oh he can't kick a ball either, just doesn't seem to have the co-ordination.

He can, climb anywhere, operate the video and dvd and run quite fast

OP posts:

tammybear · 26/08/2004 18:26

he sounds similar to my dd. she'd rather pull out the grass than play with her toys. she cant do jigsaws either, or you know those sort of wire games that you can push balls along that you usually find at doctors or dentists. dd gets baffled by those. and she'd rather knock towers down then build them up which i think they're suppose to do on their 21 months check up which im worried about as she wont do that. my hv doesnt seem to think theres anything wrong with dd though.

linniewith2 · 26/08/2004 18:49

Hi my dd has just turned 2, She knows the word no as she uses it often enough....lol........ also knows & uses "stop it".
However the majority of the time she will stop whatever she was doing but only for a short time and ends up doing it again 5mins later. It's like she has forgotten that I've just told her no to pulling the batteries out of the remote control and putting them in her mouth, but I know she hasn't forgotten and knows exactly what she is doing as if I catch her doing it she will run away and hide, before I get the chance to say no.
Maybee it is an attention thing if they ignore you or repeat the behaviour you end up giving them much more attention than if they stop after the 1st no........!!!!!!!!!!!

Piffleoffagus · 26/08/2004 19:05

my dd has known it for some time... even worse is ah ah... she is 21 mths, I think some kids know and ignore it, some kids listen
Thak heavens for so far having had two that listen....

Jimjams · 26/08/2004 19:17

21 months is still very young language development wise. If you say "no don't touch" many young children will only hear/process "touch". Try giving positive commands instead- so "come away" rather than don't touch for example. This made SUCH a difference with ds1- even now "be nice" works better than "no pinching" and is now second nature to us- ds2 responds very well to this method as well.

Flip

1 2