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Original poster

Son (12 months) has just started nursery and his development seems behind. Worried

35 replies

DansDad · 26/08/2004 09:45

My son is 12 months old and started nursery this week as dp has gone back to work 2 days a week. Picking him up from nursery this week, I can't help noticing my son seems behind in everything. He has no words at all and in fact makes very little noise, full stop. He has only just started crawling and pulling himself up. He is a long way off walking. The other kids in nursery are babbling more, have the occasional word and are cruising or walking unaided. They are all about the same age, I think. I suppose mixing him with other kids has made us realise he is behind and we are a little concerned. We read a development book yesterday and it said that they should have one or two words by now. He hasn't. Are we worrying too early? (He is an engaged, bright little boy, who points to indicate what he wants, but he appears to have no desire to walk ot talk.)

OP posts:
edam · 26/08/2004 09:50

As a parent you will get very bored of the 'they all develop at their own rate' line but it is true. I really woudn't worry but if you do want a check up, ask your health visitor.

Ds is now 13 months but only started crawling at 11 (by which time I was getting a little worried but trying very hard not to make a fuss). He does have a few words but I understand, from a poster called Jimjams who is very knowledgeable about this, that pointing is the first stage of language development. If he's pointing, apparently, he's on the way.

Mixing with other kids might encourage him to get a move on!

Hope this helps.

toddlerbob · 26/08/2004 09:51

He is certainly not behind. Lots of mumsnetters will tell you their own children didn't do the same stuff at 12 months and are perfectly normal now. FWIW my ds didn't crawl until 11 months (so just like your son) and walked around 15 months. Lots of his little mates walked much earlier, but it's best not to get too wound up, one girl I know can barely bring herself to talk to me because Bob can do a shape sorter and her ds can't. Ridiculous to heap all that expectation on such young shoulders. Give yourself a break.

Twiglett · 26/08/2004 09:53

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juniperDewdrop · 26/08/2004 09:53

Have you had a chat with your health visitor yet? I'm sure they'll allay your fears though IMO. The fact he's engaged and pointing is very positive. My sons walked late, DS1 is very bright but didn't walk until he was 15 months and then not well but he's fine now. DS2 was 17 months for walking but he's very capable physically now. Boys tend to talk later than girls though not always I know. Maybe he likes listening?

juniperDewdrop · 26/08/2004 09:57

toddlerbob, I have a friend who used to be like that. Always comparing her son to mine. Now she has a very advanced dd and boy do we know about it

Blackduck · 26/08/2004 10:00

My Ds (15 months) still has no words (but does have a whole range of sounds...) He walked at about 14 months so don't worry....If he is pointing and indicating thats good....

Original poster
DansDad · 26/08/2004 10:10

Thank you for your messages. My partner has stopped going to the health visitor as she always end up worrying her more.
I am trying to think of things he is really good/advanced at. I've always been surprised how well he drinks by himself from a cup without a lid without spilling any (much)!!! He has never had a bottle, so has used a cup from 7 months. The rest of it he is way behind on! His lovely nursery carers tell me not to worry and he will get there in his own time. That just seems such a long way off!!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 26/08/2004 10:15

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wobblyknicks · 26/08/2004 10:18

Well my dd is 14 months now and although she pulls herself up, stands and cruises well she isn't walking just yet and doesn't have any 'words' apart from mamamamamamama. She points a lot though and has a few signs, like pointing to her mouth and pretending to eat when she's hungry or sees someone else eating and wants their food. Some babies just develop differently to others. Would be a good idea to speak to your HV but don't get too worried about it.

paularadcliffe · 26/08/2004 10:19

We have similar worries about our dd who is 11 months with regards to the talking. I agree with your dp about hvs but it might be worth going to ask for a hearing test. At dd's 8 month check they arranged for hearing and speech checks. The hearing isnt a long wait but the speech can be up to two years. We figure that although the chances are she's fine we dont want to find when she is 2/3 there is a problem and then have to wait a couple of years.

paularadcliffe · 26/08/2004 10:20

If there is a longwait for hearing go private.

motherinferior · 26/08/2004 10:22

DD1 sat on her bum till well after one. I would trust the nursery carers' view - my childminder kept pointing out that dd1's fine motor skills were great, and it reassured me no end.

Original poster
DansDad · 26/08/2004 10:32

We had his hearing checked. He didn't do very well on his hearing check at 9 months. It turned out he had a bit of glue ear. Do you think that might have held his speech back for a while. He's fine now.
I feel better after your kind words. Parenting is such a worry sometimes. All you really want at this age is for your kids to be the SAME as everyone else's - that way you know there's nothing wrong with them. When they grow up I suspect you then want them to be DIFFERENT to everyone else's - you know - brighter, better, differentiating and more ambitious......perhaps?!

OP posts:
paularadcliffe · 26/08/2004 10:52

YEs, that is why they check hearing if any concerns about speech.

motherinferior · 26/08/2004 10:56

DD, you are so right.

Blackduck · 26/08/2004 11:02

I'm with you DD! I'm worried cos my ds isn't talking......I keep reading things that say he should have 5 words and all that....my dp is more chilled and doesn't worry about it......

coppertop · 26/08/2004 11:50

Oooh I'm with you on the talking business, Twiglett. Ds1's first words didn't appear until 3yrs and he's had over a year of speech therapy but I still find myself thinking sometimes "Please shut up for 5 minutes!!"

motherinferior · 26/08/2004 11:51

Oh yes, dd2 gets as far as Mummum but that's it. Somehow dd1's constant chatter stops me worrying about it all:o

Original poster
DansDad · 26/08/2004 12:22

Motherinferior - how old is your youngest daughter?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 26/08/2004 12:41

14 months or so. Gibbers a bit IYKWIM and likes to 'converse' with you going blurblurblur, but honestly nothing any sane person could distinguish as a word apart from mummummummum. No idea what the HV thinks as I've avoided them for months and now get regular letters trying to lure both girls in for a checkup.

Clayhead · 26/08/2004 13:25

I haven't had time to read through everything, sorry.

If it offers you any consolation, my ds is nearly 12 months and doesn't crawl or walk or pull himself up (so your ds is 'ahead'!!). My dd didn't move until she started to cruise at 15 months and walk at 16 months, she is 2.5 years now and fine.

HTH

Clayhead · 26/08/2004 13:26

PS Agree with your partner on the HV thing, they do have a tendency to make you more worried than when you went in!

motherinferior · 26/08/2004 13:50

By the way, I know I sound incredibly laid-back about it all; I did worry with dd1 but her childminder, who is extremely good and VERY experienced, told me firmly not to worry and also kept telling me all the fabulous things dd1 COULD do. Her sister is definitely OK on the motor things and perhaps slightly slower than dd1 on speech (can't remember) but has started copying and interacts and does all the 'non verbal communication' things (according to DP's mum) so I have decided to revert to my usual stance of 'oh don't worry, have a little drink, s/he will be fine, don't stress'

Original poster
DansDad · 26/08/2004 16:35

I suppose the 64 million dollar question is - can not walking/talking (or should I say DELAYED walking/talking) be a sign of some underlying problem, or something wrong with a child? I suppose if we were 100% sure he would get there in the end, we would leave him just get on with it in his own time. It is that thought though that is the basis of any concern we may have. Twiglett - with all the reassurance, I am not as worried now, thanks

OP posts:
motherinferior · 26/08/2004 16:41

He honestly is on the 'normal' spectrum for walking, I think. I was reassured a LOT about dd1 with this. And quite honestly, the difference between 'one or two' and 'none' isn't that great, now, is it.

Does he, by the way, recognise words? DD2 looks round for the cat if you mention the cat. Sometimes she even looks round for her dad or sister.