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Original poster

My toddler wakes up every night- any ideas on what can help?

27 replies

Clemency · 08/06/2007 01:22

Hi, you can guess my problem, why would I be typing away at 1.20 in the morning...My son who is 28 months old is waking up every night (and has done so for the past 2-3 months) screaming. I think it is a combination of night terrors, maybe nightmares and habit too. I do not know what to do, the controlled crying technique does not seem to be relevant as he cries even louder when we go into his room. It is very confusing and very exhausting, with very busy job...

OP posts:
mamama · 08/06/2007 04:14

Sorry, I have no idea what to do, but I was hoping that by bumping this, someone else may be able to help.

RedtartanLass · 08/06/2007 04:24

My ds2 did this for the first 3 years of his life. It now happens about once a month. Never ever found any solution, and same as you would geet worse if we tried to calm him. Awful, awful!! The only thing I tried to focs on, was that this is more "common" in very active, intelligent boys.

Sorry no help, just wanted to know you're not alone!!

purplemonkeydishwasher · 08/06/2007 06:17

"...this is more "common" in very active, intelligent boys."

redtartanlass - that does make me feel better! (despite a HORRIFIC night with DS)

GreebosWhiskers · 08/06/2007 06:31

My dd (2.3) does exactly the same thing - I'll keep a watch on this thread in case there's some useful advice

juuule · 08/06/2007 07:48

Most of mine (boys and girls) did this until they were around 3yo. One dd woke almost every night until she was 5ish.
I found that getting up for around an hour with them was better than spending 2-3 hours trying to settle them back with them screaming and waking everybody else up. I would record a film and watch it while they settled on the settee. I would give only minimum attention and keep the lights low.
They have since grown out of it.

reece · 08/06/2007 08:02

It could be a habit, it could be the big teeth, it could be night terrors, it could be anything.......
We experienced this for a while with our DS's but it stopped around 20 months (maybe once they had all of their teeth as were late starters). We went through many nights of controlled crying and aslo ignoring the 1st few crys to let them try to settle themselves back to sleep.
It is soooooooo difficult to know what to do, especially if you have other children that you don't want to be woken.
Sorry maybe not great advice here but you will get through it

Original poster
Clemency · 08/06/2007 20:55

Thank you for all your messages, sometimes what you need is to know that you are not on your own with this. I loved the one about the intelligent, active boys, the health visitor mentioned that. I think however, that it is more a case of sensitive, loving boys spending too much time in the nursery. My son also cries every morning when we go there, he kicks and screams and today he banged his head on the floor too.Needless to say I did something very similar when I arrived at work myself... Well, today's recipe for bedtime is breaking all the routine rules, indulge him with endless books and games etc.. Let's see, will keep you posted!

OP posts:
MorocconOil · 08/06/2007 21:07

Our DS did this from around the same age as your DS to about 5. Have you had any changes recently? We moved house and country several times during this period which I think contributed to it. His screams never seemed to waken his brother, so we just used to sit with him on his bed while he was crying,and used to verbally reassure and cuddle him. He never seemed to wake up fully so we didn't take him downstairs. It was really disturbing though while it was happening, and it must be horrible for you. It will end though.

Thinkstoomuch · 08/06/2007 21:08

I think you might be onto something there. When DS (23 months) has gone through patches like this - not wanting to go to sleep, eventually giving in, but then waking up screaming just a few hours later - I made sure he had lots of very loving time with me, singing, cuddling, etc. and it did seem to do the trick.

Thinkstoomuch · 08/06/2007 21:08

x-posts. mine was for the OP, of course.

wulfricsmummy · 08/06/2007 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Clemency · 09/06/2007 22:20

All this is great, thank you. Last night we were not woken up, how great is that! I think it was because indeed I did not follow the rigid bedtime routine that all the books advocate. Also my husband returned from home and read our son books etc. He is in a contract job and our son does not see him at all during the week, so I think this has contributed to the night crying, he cannot make sense of why daddy is not there.

Oh well, here's to another uninterrupted night hopefully...

OP posts:
reece · 09/06/2007 22:23

Well done clemency. Hope you have a good night tonight as well.

Original poster
Clemency · 10/06/2007 11:16

No, it was too good to be true, we had an awful night with crying for over an hour and despair setting in for us. We are very close to ignoring his crying in the night totally, nothing else seems to work. Logically I think this is what we should do, but emotionally I am totally torn by guilt and anxiety that it is going to make him feel even more insecure. Has anyone else tried this? And how can you tell if a child's cry is genuine fear and not a middle-of-the-night tantrum?

OP posts:
MellowMa · 10/06/2007 11:27

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Clemency · 10/06/2007 11:35

Thank you, sometimes it feels that this is how we are going to live our life from now on. It also makes you not enjoying your child, as you are so wound up and tired from the constant interrupted nights.

OP posts:
juuule · 10/06/2007 11:43

As Mellowma said - It will pass. Keep this in mind in your darker moments and it will keep you sane

reece · 10/06/2007 15:00

Oh poor you Clemency.
Stick with it, as everyone else has said - it will pass.(the sooner the better says you).

fryalot · 10/06/2007 15:14

This could have been me a fortnight ago - dd2 woke up every night sometimes two, three times. Finally got her to sleep through (don't know how that happened, btw so have no advice, it just happened) and now ds is waking up once or twice a night!
grrrrr

But it will pass - It is just a phase and they will all grow out of it.

I think I heard dd2 the other night, but she settled herself and I didn't have to go in to her.

Aloha · 10/06/2007 15:17

What is he like when you go in? With night terrors he will still be asleep and unaware even though his eyes are open. Does he say anything? Can he tell you if he's had a bad dream?

kitbit · 11/06/2007 16:30

I usually find that a period of upset usually indicates ds needing to make a change with his routines, patterns, habits etc. The last one was just generally sleeping badly...we wree up at all hours though definitely not as badly as you ...we had no other major changes happening so I thought I'd try potty training... he got it in a few days and was thrilled with himself, and calmed right down. I think he needed a "new thing" to think about and an achievement or milestone to get his head round.
The last one was biting at nursery , he was finding it really hard to communicate and was getting really frustrated then all of a sudden it just stopped overnight. Pretty much at the same time he suddenly started using 2 words together, picking up more sign language signs (we'd desperately been trying to give him more way to communicate with us).

Long waffle is intended to say... what about a complete change to something in his world? Change his room round or paint it and let him choose new bedding, or go away for a few days to break things up a bit, or have a friend or close rellie to stay? Or go to a different playgroup?
Might be barking up the wrong tree, but for us a little jolt to the daily habits seems to really help.

Good luck x

canarygirl · 11/06/2007 21:49

I'm watching this thread with interest. I am surviving on about 4 hours sleep a night at the moment and am feeling the strain. DD1 (27 months) has been a fantastic sleeper and slept through reliably from 7 months - not any more . She is up 2 or three times a night from about 1 to 3 am. Then dd2 9 months is up either side. I am desperate for sleep. dd1 is now in a bed so she gets up wanting a wee and finds me. She's usually done it in her pull ups but wants to sit on the potty anyway and gets upset when nothing happens. I change her and she gets all giggly and wants to engage in conversation and messing around. When I put her back to bed she usually stays there for 20 mins then gets up again and we go through that routine a few times before she stays put.

My main problem is that she is exhausted and grumpy in the day but if she sleeps in the day she is worse and more awake at night. She asks to go to bed during the day and says she's tired, but not at night aaaaah! If this goes on much longer she will be fully nocturnal . Does anyone have any advice to get the right sleeping pattern back. I think she is getting her back teeth but calpol and teething gel don't keep her asleep and I hate to keep using calpol as I feel my motivation is for my benefit and not hers.

Thanks for reading, I'm off to bed , hope this makes sense.

Original poster
Clemency · 12/06/2007 14:28

Hi all,

great input, sleep is so crucial for everyone's weelbeing isn't it? Thank you for the ideas, there is a lot of sense in all of the suggestions. What we are doing at the moment is this: we have put a night light in his room and we also don't go in when he cries. I struggled with it, if he is insecure then surely that makes it wore. However, with the light we noticed that his crying is not as hysterical or angry as it was before, it is more shouting, and the first nigth he said 'book..book'. I had read him one the night before, trying to establish if he could hear me and was awake (which he was). This made me more confident in realising that it is really company he wants, rather than being terrified. He does stop after 10 minutes maybe and then sleeps for the rest of the night. Not me though, the problem is I lay awake for hours, unable to go back to sleep...How annoying is that!!

Oh, and the amusing fact from the first night we did not go in was that later that night he was giggling in his sleep for a long time!! Very amusing and comforting as well.

Well, working from home today, better get back to it.. Good luck to fellow night owls..

OP posts:
Original poster
Clemency · 13/06/2007 12:44

Hey, I got a good one for you, I feel this could be the start of a new thread! Not only do we go through this and are exhausted, but we are in receipt of other people's wisdom, i.e. m.i.l. saying 'well I don't understand people who don't want o use a night light,I haven't heard anything so silly in my life'. Obsiously a stab at me for not wanting to use one....Great how you can feel both furuous and inadequate as a parent!!

OP posts:
popsycal · 13/06/2007 12:48

Just wanted to post - no advice but we have a similar long long standing sleep problem with our ds2. We have been referred to a sleep clinic for possible sleep apnoea and adenoid problems (hurraaaaaay!!!). It is so exhausting. Hope you find out what is causing it.