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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My kids are driving me (and DP) nutty! Major sleep issues ... please, any advice would be so appreciated!

70 replies

kittylette · 21/05/2007 09:55

Hiya

I need to let this out and hopefully someone will be able to help me!

We have hell at bedtime! My sons co-sleep with us, but not by choice! Its just gradually happened, I don't know how.

Anyways we take them to bed at about 7pm - one of us goes up and we all (whoever is taking them to bed that night and DS1 (2.5) and DS2 (11 months) ) and we all get into bed and they have their bottles.

Then they start getting up, screaming, crying ect ect and it takes on average 2 hours to get them to bed.

Its ruining mine and DPs relationship

When we do 'escape' from the bed once they fall asleep i can 100% guarentee that within 1.5 hours one of them will wake up and in turn wake the other up and then I have to go to bed with them.

Theres no room, no space

I love my kids to death but come 7pm they annoy the hell out of me!

This is probably TMI (but it will show whats going on in this house) me and DP have been attemping to be together intimatly for bout 10 days now and we havent been able to because of this!!

we have no 'marital bed' as theres 2 kids in it and one of them is always awake of screaming ect and we cant just go for it down satirs as one of them has usually refused to sleep and has been brought down stairs to prevent them waking the other IYKWIM.

And my 11 month old is sooooo clingy - i honestly cant put him down!!

help me

OP posts:

delores · 22/05/2007 12:25

Like the dressing gown idea, might try that.

CoteDAzur · 22/05/2007 12:42

"if the children need you, they need you - why is that up for discussion?"

Do you really think that the vast majority of children who go to sleep in their own bed DO NOT need their parents?

Or, could it just be that they have different sleep habits?

Seriously, I think it is insane to tell people who say their kids are driving them "nutty" to get comfy chairs for their kids' room to sit on for an hour waiting for the said kids to fall asleep. Or forfeit their own bed so kids can sleep there.

casbie · 22/05/2007 14:13

why is that so impossible?

the child is 11 months old!

i think it's extreme to expect that life after 11 months of giving birth can still be same as before children. of course, parents need to sacrifice some time out of their lives for their children. children won't be in your bed forever.

and sex can be great and exciting in different place other thatn the bedroom.

sleepless nights won't last forever - that's what you have to remember.

Tortington · 22/05/2007 14:24

bedtime 7pm. stick them in bed. when they get up put them back in bed. when they cry ignore them. when they say they want a drink - say tough. whethey say they want a kiss - say tough, biscuit, tough, oh but i'm thirsty tough tough tough tough tough toguh.

lights out. shut yer gobbins go to sleep.

casbie · 22/05/2007 14:26

PizPizPiz · 22/05/2007 16:42

I understood what the rug was for casbie, I'm not that stupid.
My point was that kitty would still have to spend 2 hours every night cuddling her sons to sleep and put them back into bed every hour or almost. I'm sure everyone would agree that it's not the best thing either for the parents or the children. I'm not saying locking them up in their room is the way to go, again I'm not that stupid, I'm just saying that they need to be given rules to follow, to make bedtime easier for the whole household.

CoteDAzur · 22/05/2007 16:45

It's not "impossible". Nothing is impossible. If you are willing to suffer the consequences.

What you still don't get is that THIS couple are obviously NOT willing to suffer. Read the first post. Then read the title where it clearly says they are going "nutty".

Then think about what you advised them. That is all I am saying.

casbie · 23/05/2007 08:58

to OP:

okay - is it so hard to 'give in' to your children?

there is no battle if you just accept that this is what children do and until they are confident about going to bed. children will only be confident doing that, when they can count on their parents being there when they do need them.

parenting doesn't end at 7pm at night, all you need to do is be there for them.

try getting a quick nap at lunchtime

try getting your partner to help with bedtime, so you can get five minutes to relax

try wearing them out by taking them to the park/walk to shops/toddler group everyday

try letting the children sleeping together in the same room/same bed for comfort and ease of routine

try a sling for your 11mth old, so you can carry them close to you for comfort

try having a bath with your babies before bed with 5 drops of lavender oil

It's also worth remembering this period of lack of sleep doesn't last forever...

cruisemum1 · 23/05/2007 09:59

casbie - but surely we, as parents, are responsible for nuturing and teaching our children good habits whether they are to do with social skills (sharing, taking turns etc.), table manners or sleeping????

casbie · 23/05/2007 12:46

yes, good habits are a social construct and what we are talking about here is the base instinct for comfort and reassurance.

a 11 month old who won't go to bed on their own, isn't naughty, they are showing signs of instinct for self-preservation.

andedotal my evidence is, but based on three children all welcome to the 'martial bed' and none of them come to us unless they are distressed. this includes our 22 month old, who now sleeps in her own bed.

the resentment to the child over 'grown-up time' in the evening, would be eased if parents know this is normal. it's normal for children to seek reassurance in the middle of the night, and that might be with a teddy, or lamp or mum's dressinggown. This item is then a replacement for the parent, but never quite covers all base instincts for warmth, touch, breathing of a parent. So, why not just accept this is what children need to grow into independant children, rather than fight these basic instincts?

and of course, i'm not perfect, i've spent many an hour in my children's bedroom with my arms around them trying to purswade them to sleep after working full-time and with no social life to speak of, but it was a short period in my life in comparisson to the dramatic quick bedtime routine we have now.

CoteDAzur · 23/05/2007 17:10

I read that list with astonishment. Is this an elaborate joke? "Nap at lunchtime" because kids have taken over parents' bed? "Carry 11-month old in a sling"??? Mine weighed over 10 kgs at the time and was busy cruising. What on earth are you talking about?

I am sure you are very nice person and a dedicated mum, but seriously, I'd hate to see new mothers taking this stuff seriously.

Original poster

kittylette · 23/05/2007 17:23

Casbie i appreciate the time you have taken on this thread but i disagree with pretty much all you have said, sorry.

My sons have been put in their own room as of last night,

the 11 month old doesnt 'need' me he 'wants' me,

he doesnt need to sleep in my bed - but he wants to.

big difference.

And we've put our foot down and no more will they sleep in out bed, or room.

And after a week that will be the norn for them and they will forget they slept with us.

And we will be a much happier family all round

OP posts:

Tortington · 23/05/2007 17:27

good for you! show em whos the boss.

bakedpotato · 23/05/2007 17:30

lol at 'martial bed'

CoteDAzur · 23/05/2007 18:12

Good for you, kittylette. Enjoy your new life.

cruisemum1 · 23/05/2007 19:31

kittylette - i am so much with you. Good luck. It will be hard but it will be worth it. Children rarely remember this period in their lives in any case so you are doing them a great favour by encouraging healthy sleep habits. Keep us posted please. We are all behind you

PizPizPiz · 23/05/2007 20:35

very good decision kitty. Stick to your guns and it will be the beginning of a new happier life for the 4 of you

Original poster

kittylette · 23/05/2007 21:30

Theyre both in bed ( )

and we're watching the apprentice!!!

alone lol

OP posts:

PizPizPiz · 23/05/2007 21:42

and a round of applause for kitty and hubby ! well done you

Original poster

kittylette · 23/05/2007 21:47

tar

OP posts:

casbie · 24/05/2007 08:40

Original poster

kittylette · 24/05/2007 09:31

Its working out very well, DS1 didn't wake up both nights at all!!

I feel so refreshed

OP posts:

PizPizPiz · 24/05/2007 09:39

I'm very happy for you A few good nights sleep make all the difference, don't they ? and when I say sleep ...

Original poster

kittylette · 24/05/2007 09:40

yes, i have big refreshed smile this morning, pmsl

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 24/05/2007 09:47

kitty, well done. I agree it's such a good thing to do for children; sometimes a firm decision is what is needed so that they can learn the necessary life skills that they need. I truly believe that a couple of nights being firm is so worth it for their health and happiness. They learn as someone else said, good sleep habits, and it HAS to be healthier for their parents to have had a break, and some proper sleep, and some time to focus on their adult relationship which is of course the bedrock that the kids' safe and secure lives are built on.

i really think can be that important.

Well done and hope it continues to go smoothly.

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