Struggling with my 2 year old.

[Shhh123]

Hi, I am hoping somebody can shed some light on my situation. I have a beautiful almost 2 year old who I love with all my heart but I am struggling. Since birth he has been a very demanding baby and has never slept for longer than a few hours without constant wake ups which has unfortunately followed his as a toddler. He had reflux and was quite poorly for some time. He is a very active and boisterous boy but has become increasingly more difficult. I absolutly hate speaking badly of him as he i love him dearly but each day I am spending at least most of each day stressed to the maximum. Firstly he is grumpy most days, for no a parent reason we will have meltdowns over trival things which can last hours. He refuses to eat and on a good day he can just about manage a few mouthful of a meal so as you can imagine I'm so worried about his health in that aspect. He absolutely hates being around other children or groups of people so the toddler groups that i try and take him to almost always result in me spending the entire time telling my son off and ending up in tears. He has began throwing and hitting and when told off he laughs in my face and it doesn't matter how much I lower my tone of voice or raise it. He is too young to understand the concept of a naught step or time out area as he quite likes being on his own so he sees it more of a reward? I honeslty don't know what else to try with him as he seems to be getting increasingly more difficult. My eldest son who is 7 is amazing with my youngest and is so patient with us as we feel as though we are spending every moment trying to defuse or avoid situations that my youngest will react to. He has all of a sudden got this fear of the bath too so each night what should be a fun and relaxing way to unwind before bed, is a constant screaming episode which lasts at least 30 minutes :( I have even had comments from friends about his behaviour and constant grouchyness and it's so hurtful especially when I'm just trying my absolute best. Ive spoken to my gp in case any underlying health issues and was brushed of coming across as being a paranoid mum. Anybody with any ideas would be much apriciated! Desperate mummy over here! Thanks in advance! x

So hard to say really as a lot of what you describe sounds like ordinary behaviour for a 2 year old but there is a chance there is something else going on.

My 8 year old son has autism and I remember as a baby he was more difficult to manage than other babies and liked his own company. He is much more content and social these days as he has learned to adapt more to the world - and we have adapted to accommodate him too.

Maybe have a look at this checklist for autism in toddlers www.firstsigns.org/downloads/m-chat.PDF

Then again, I know other children who were difficult babies and they seemed to settle down and it turned out they didn't have any other issues going on.

Also, if he hates the bath that much why don't you just do it every couple of days

Thank you for your reply :) Yes I agree that my son's behaviour does partly come under the usual for an almost 2 year old. I do think that I compare (Which I in I absolutely shouldn't!) to my eldest who was an extremely content baby and is now the most laid back child I have ever known. There is just a few things that have been playing on my mind with my youngest like the lack of recognition for his name and not wanting to engage with other children at all and the fact he has no interest at all in talking or saying words or even pointing. Yes I have tried spacing out his bath times and I have tried bathing with him, puting him in with his brother and even tried using the sink as a fun alternative. Even the crazy soap foam and bath crayons provided little distraction so am desperate for this to be a phase as bath time was always his favourite part of the day.

He has all of a sudden got this fear of the bath too so each night what should be a fun and relaxing way to unwind before bed, is a constant screaming episode which lasts at least 30 minutes

Is the screaming continuing out of the bath or are you keeping him in it? My 2yo hates the bath so we take him out of it as soon as we've washed his hair and body.

My youngest is 2y2mo though and he is also miserable most of the time if that's any consolation. It's better since he's got better at speaking as he's not as frustrated and can tell me what he wants/needs. Before then when he was limited to one or two words together he was grumpy ALL the time.

Thank you for your replies! It does give me some comfort to know its not just me that has similar struggles sometimes. Our bath time routine has always been the same and we usually make it fun and there are always bubbles and toys and my 7 year old joins in but the crying starts as soon as I mention the bath and as soon as he sees the bath. I have to try to distract the best I can and just try and comfort him whilst washing him as quickly as I possibly can so we can dry and dress him and stop the screaming 😣 Am desperately hoping that this is just a phase and he will one day get used to the fact that this happens daily and it's supposed to be fun! We are going away in the summer and am dreading taking him swimming as the fuss we have with the bath is bad enough :( Yes I do believe my son gets frustrated too as he does not have the speech to tell me and therefore lashes out at me.

Hello. I don’t know if I’ll get any message back as this was some time ago but I’ll give it a shot. I read this and felt like it was me that had written it 😭😭 my 2 year old can be so unmanageable with meltdowns it’s so hard. he was ok as a baby but since turning 1 it’s constant meltdowns. he hates other children, even if they touch him nicely or are even standing near him he goes crazy which makes it really hard to go to toddler groups. He’s sometimes ok but 9 times out off 10 it’s a constant struggle and I wonder why i bother taking him as he is completely miserable 🙈 he has 2 sisters who are older 6 and 8. His talking is starting to come on a bit now, although slowly and I’m hoping that the meltdowns will get better once he starts communicating more. I’m just worried about his social skills with other children, he just hates it. As you posted this a few years ago I’m wondering if your child has now improved or was there anything else going on? sometimes I think I’m missing something or I should get him assessed but just not sure. 😣

OP in a later thread from 2020 states that her son was eventually diagnosed with autism. From her original description there was clear signs of concern.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/sn_undiagnosed_genetic_conditions/3770685-Possible-autism-or-bad-behaviour

Thank you 👍🏼