I hate my kids and hubby

[Hideehi]

The fucking moan and whinge constantly, i mean nothing i do is good enough, today's drama was the wrong sized cardigan but every morning it's something different.
The play up going to bed, the play up watching tv if you try and play a game or a jigsaw with them they fight.
I just want to pack my things and leave, if i talk to hubby he's fucking useless, don't sweat the small stuff, don't let them get to you.
I shout, i say things i don't mean to them and i know this is partly my doing but honestly i started out with such good intentions and high hopes and now i just don't want to be part of this family any more.

Sounds like you are doing a good job, having 5 kids is tough, don't put yourself down, maybe plan a day out without the kids, relax have your hair done, be pampered etc, god you deserve it!

I take my hat off to you, i find 2 hard enough.

Hang on in there, I have twins(only 1 set) and 1 other too so totally understand. Having kids doesn't mean you should be totally happy all the time ( a very unhelpful and spiteful comment in my view Rachel G). Being a parent can bring you to your knees at times as well as lift you up to the clouds to expect anything else is totally unrealistic and comments like that are something you should ignore as they give us all an unrealistic view of parenthood which gives you added pressures.

Often when i'm stressed I tell dp after the event and he says he didn't even notice so most of the time the kids won't either. I think us mums internalise a lot of our angst without realising it. You're only human, there are going to be times you shout and you're aware of it. I'm pretty sure shouting happens in most houses during stressful times and I've read many posts from mums trying to reduce it so you're not alone. Can you try and organise some breaks away from the kids even if for just half an hour???? Also have you any friends in the real world to chat to it really helps to talk to somebody who understands???

You need a really good cry

Then a really good laugh

and some time for you

imo

Agree with Sandyballs. You are doing a BRILLIANT job just keeping them fed, dressed and safe. No experience of older children (and only have one anyway!) so would not presume to give advice - just wanted to add my penny-worth of support. (Sorry RachelG but your post comes across as very superior and patronising i.m.o.) Once your dh is better Hideehi would it possible to treat yourself to well-deserved half-day away somewhere with a friend? xxx

you must be bloody exhausted hideehi - as others have said you're doing a fab job just holding it together.I do know that wrong-sized cardigan feeling. I had similar this morning. one school dress "sticky" from the honey she had on her toast, other school dress too small, tights age 3-4 too small, age 5-6 too big. at the end of the day you have to keep telling yourself that all of this sort of stuff is "normal" (whatever normal is); that none of it is personal, it's kids being kids. then, once you;ve got the notion out of your head that it's personal, you need to take control, (i have no idea who I think I am to give advice, but I'll try...) re-assess your routines, identify your/their triggers and do your utmost to avoid them in the first place, take lots of deep breaths, take time to think (when they're at school/asleep!) about the lovely things they do/say (there must be something); try to spend one-on-one time and try to get a break - even if only for a few hours. it's bloody hard work having kids - don;t think you're the only one who finds it tough, we've all been there. and we all muddle on through, somehow.

I hate my kids and Hubby {grin}
i came on here cos i was pissed off with mine when i read that it made me smile just to know that someone else feels like that some days, cant believe the cheek of some replies!! Keep your chin up!!
i will think of you when my two are playing up!!

Rach g - such a pity you feel the need to kick someone when they are feeling down.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did. I had just spoken to a good friend who had got a negative result in her 6th IVF cycle, and is devastated at facing childlessness. Then I'd seen more news about poor little Maddy and her family. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to read about someone saying they hated their kids. But I realise that I was wrong to say what I did, and I apologise.

Feeling any better about things Hideehi?

Hideehi, Hideehi. Did I count right, FIVE kids, not counting dh??? I take my hat off to you. The fact they have all survived so far means you're doing better than I would in your posish.

You're struggling and dh is being a bit feeble. What sources of practical help do you have? Is there a family centre in your area? They are usually staffed with helpful people who can give you handy childrearing hints and also provide a safe play area.

Also have you thought of getting in touch with your local college to see if they want to send you a trainee nursery nurse?

All this star chart etc advice from other posters is good. Perhaps also some quality time with dh and discussion of domestic situation. It is all v well his saying don't sweat the small stuff, but the q is, would he start to support you please when the children challenge your authority? That is not small stuff.

elastic woman - what a brilliant idea about the trainee nursery nurse - iv heard of that happening before. Worth a shot.

Rach - nice of you to apologise to Hideehi.

Hideehi - hope things are going better today and that now the weekend is here you'll get some more help! fingers crossed!

Call Nanny 911

Or watch it and write notes.

Get really firm. Agree with lots of the other posts. Charts with jobs, for each job they can earn 10 mins of tv, or whatever they like doing. Everytime they are naughty or rude, take 10 mins away, and stick to it.
Make your DH back you up, and not say Oh just let them watch tv.

If he doesn't leave the house and let him deal with them, if possible.

If he can support you , you can lick them into shape. The incentive of earning, and losing their favourite activity will turn things around ifthey know you are serious.
Get each one a timer with their name on. Then set it when they do their activity. If they don't stop when it goes off, 10 mins from the next day.

It might sound military, but I bet if you prove you mean it, you'll see a turn around.

Good luck.

I blew up at my 7 yr old this morning because she stood infront of the overflowing kitchen bin and said "oh my goodness, someone really needs to empty that"

now I know that I shouldn't have said well why dont you, you donothing around here....blah blah but it was the straw that broke the camels back. I feel like it's only me that does anything. I also know that I should be finding a way to introduce her to helping me a little and that it isn't her fault that I haven't.

I only have 3 kids (7,2 and 4 months) and felt like this a few eeks ago.
stay strong
xxx

Five children (two sets of twins). I'm not surprised you're finding it hard! Well done for coping at all! What you could do with is a bit of TLC. Why don't you book yourself in somewhere for a massage or something, as a treat and a bit of time-out? I'm sure you'll feel better soon. Some people have made good suggestions on here. good luck. Big hugs. x

And by the way, Tidy Your Room by Jane Bidders (www.whiteladderpress.com)is full of ways to lick kids into shape, starting remarkably early in their lives.

Trouble is, it is really hard work to train kids to do things for themselves and for the rest of the family. But with a large family, the result of NOT training them is even harder. It does need both parents to support each other and present a united front.