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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I hate my kids and hubby

41 replies

Hideehi · 16/05/2007 08:51

The fucking moan and whinge constantly, i mean nothing i do is good enough, today's drama was the wrong sized cardigan but every morning it's something different.
The play up going to bed, the play up watching tv if you try and play a game or a jigsaw with them they fight.
I just want to pack my things and leave, if i talk to hubby he's fucking useless, don't sweat the small stuff, don't let them get to you.
I shout, i say things i don't mean to them and i know this is partly my doing but honestly i started out with such good intentions and high hopes and now i just don't want to be part of this family any more.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ggglimpopo · 16/05/2007 08:53

How very sad for all of you.

JodieG1 · 16/05/2007 08:54

How old are they?

OtterInnit · 16/05/2007 08:56

I think you must need to 'rein in' for a while enhance discipline and make sure your needs are being met. I think things must have 'slid' and now you feel out of control...

OtterInnit · 16/05/2007 08:56

basically be fierce as hell and let them all know how they are affecting you
shock them into being nicer

Original poster

Hideehi · 16/05/2007 08:58

10 x 2, 7 and

OP posts:

Raggydoll · 16/05/2007 09:06

Agree with Otter. If no-one else is prepared to change then you have too (in the hope it will effect a change in them too). Decide on what you will let go (the small stuff as your dh says) and the stuff you will not tolerate and get tough.

This is not a pull your socks up post - its actually very empowering and will make you feel tons better because you are taking action.

And when its comes down to it you won't walk out on them so what choice do you have .

Raggydoll · 16/05/2007 09:08

ps/ I have a whinger and I have this hearing problem where I can not hear whats he's said if it is said in a whiny tone .

Original poster

Hideehi · 16/05/2007 09:11

thanks ragdoll x

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 16/05/2007 09:15

five kids? that's tough right there.

i feel pretty ground down with the constant negotiation with one three-year-old. five under ten? that's a serious balancing act of needs and wants.

no advice. bet you're doing a damn sight better job than you think you are.

canarygirl · 16/05/2007 09:52

Here here choosyfloosy. 5 kids under 10 must be very hard indeed. Try to be a bit easier on yourself. I know its hard but getting angry will just inflame the situation. Try to talk to hubby about how you feel, ask him for 5 mins without interruption and you'll give him 5 mins back, and listen to what each other is saying. You need to feel you are listened to and you'll be able to get back on an even keel. Are there any relatives nearby to help you and maybe give you a break? Hang in there, I really hope you feel more positive soon.

HuwEdwards · 16/05/2007 09:56

I second (third) what Choosy says. Crikey -you have 5 kids and you can even type a legible post.

I'm in awe.

No advice - I only have 2, who am I to advise you? .

Don't be so harsh on yourself - grab to 2 eldest this weekend and do something nice. Then your DH can not 'sweat the small stuff with the other 3.

macmama73 · 16/05/2007 10:09

I agree with the others, if you are halfway coping with 5 kids under 10, well done.

Do you have anyone who can take the little ones out for a few hours to give you some time with the older ones? To the cinema, or a picnic in a park. Something to show them that you are there for them.

determined not to moan about being overworked anymore today

littleolwinedrinkerme · 16/05/2007 11:37

Firstly - you are a God - period. Secondly - have you thought about doing the 'house rules' type of approach? No real experience here (2 & 5ys) but with so many to mangage how about some big charts on the wall, house rules, all agree and sign up to them (including hubby) and if each has 'their' own (so some attention) with also some overall ones for all then the communucation is there, they all know where they stand/rules etc.. I know may be diff for the young ones but hopefully they might just 'follow my leader'? I also do the 'mummys hearing is funny, cannot hear a) whining, b) whinging or c) shouting'. Works most of the time (with DH as well ). Hope this helps and good luck!

Jaynerae · 16/05/2007 12:39

For the older ones you could think up some simple jobs for them to do. Create a tick chart for each child that has each job on for each day of the week, they get 5p for each job they do. Like polish their shoes, get school bag ready for next day, do homework, clear dishes etc what ever you think. I do this with DS 8 - gives him some motivation as he wants to save money for ne DS games and gives him some constructive things to do whilst I concentrate on DD (3) and then when I have finished a task with her I concentrate on him. Obviously easier with two than five - but might teach them some responsibiltiy - in your case jobs could include helping with little ones - if the winge or whine whilst doing job they don't get 5p - if they misbehave they get 5p deducted.

Just a thought.
good luck.

persephonesnape · 16/05/2007 13:28

Do you find you do everything and try and look after everyone?

I blew up at my kids the other week, because i am fed up of working full time then coming home to do EVERYTHING. After we had all stopped yelling (cleared the air) we sat down for a family meeting and i assigned each of them a day to help me ( DD is 11, Ds's are 9 and 7) now i get to spend time with the child that is helper for the day ( the others still have to do their personal chores type thing, like make their beds, tidy their rooms etc) but the helper child will help me make tea, wash up, make lunches for the next day. the 11 year old will do ironing while i sort laundry etc. it gives me time with them and they feel like they are contributing it makes my routine quicker so i have the energy to do something i like.

chocolatte · 16/05/2007 14:22

wow! 2 sets of boy twins and a daughter all under 10.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!

You're doing a brilliant job. Sounds like you need to carve out some time for yourself though. Easier said than done, I know. I don't have any experience with older kiddies so won't stick my oar in but looks like the other posts have some good advice so I hope there is something in there that will be useful. Take care x

chocolatte · 16/05/2007 14:23

raggydoll - love the "cant here if in whiny tone!" I must remember that for when my LO is older :O

Sakura · 17/05/2007 05:02

Oh my god, two sets of twin boys, and a girl in the middle!! That sounds like the most difficult combination of children Ive ever heard of on mumsnet. Ive no experience, but can I just say that anyone with this combination of kids would be stressed, so I want to say that you are normal.
They say that people who don`t get angry and stressed in ridiculously stressful circumstances are the ones with the problem, not the ones that do.
Can you get DH to look after them so you can get your thoughts into perspective?

Original poster

Hideehi · 17/05/2007 09:43

DH is off sick this week which i think might be quite a lot of the problem/stress he keeps buggering up my routine.

OP posts:

Sugarmagnolia · 17/05/2007 14:18

I would think the 7 and 10 year olds are old enough for you to sit down and talk to them. Keep it simple but find a way of explaining that you want their help in making things more enjoyable for everyone - you and them. Admit to them that maybe you've shouted more than necessary or said things you shouldn't but that with their help, you want to try and make things better. Maybe get everyone (you included) to agree to a few simple rules/help with a few tasks/whatever. For example:

-No playing up at bedtime
-No fighting while watching tv (or the tv goes off, no warnings just off, period.)
-Try harder to play together/share nicely with brothers & sister
-Give each of them a simple job to do each day (maybe one can make the beds, one can set the table for meals and one can clear the table after)

In return you will try to:
-shout less
-spend a little time with the older 3 each day after the little ones are in bed - even 20 minutes

If the week goes well maybe everyone gets a big treat at the weekend like pizza, dvd & ice cream or something.

These are just ideas of course, you'd need to tailor the details to suit yourself but I think something along these lines is certainly worth a try. Of course failing that you could just sell one set of twins and use the money to get a nanny for the other three.

RachelG · 17/05/2007 14:19

Very sad. Having children should be a happy thing, such a pity it's not turning out that way for you. I hope things improve. Your kids must be having a crap time too if their Mummy feels like this.

talcycharlesandeddy · 17/05/2007 14:24

Hideehi,
no advice
'cos i struggle with 2

you may have hit the nail on the head
about you dh buggering up your routine

Lots of good avice on here
Hope it gets better
x

sandyballs · 17/05/2007 14:27

2 sets of twins and another! .
No wonder you feel like jacking it all in and leaving home. I only have one set of twins and I feel like that quite often. The wrong sized cardigan comment certainly rang a bell .

I'm sure you're doing a much better job than you realise, blimey just keeping them fed and reasonably clean must be a full time job.

Sugarmagnolia · 17/05/2007 14:33

Also, if you really feel like walking out have you considered the idea that you might be depressed? Granted you have your hands full and could use a little (or a lot!) of help, but it might be worth having a wee word with your GP...? Just a thought.

Original poster

Hideehi · 17/05/2007 14:39

thanks Sugarmagnolia, depression i have considered but the truth is i haven't got time to be depressed.
RachelG thanks for pointing out the bleedin obvious that made me feel great, ta

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