Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

parents of older boys - prepubescence looming, yikes!

35 replies

filthymindedvixen · 14/05/2007 11:13

It's catching me unawares and I need to get myself sorted...
he is 9.5 and last night I think I may have 'interrupted' him having a special private 'moment'....wah! I want my baby back
He knows about sex and babies (i have always answered honestly when he asked specific questions) but I have been burying my head a little in the sand about puberty etc. Where do I start? Books which might help me/him? Should dad be having these convos or is it ok for me to do them?

Also, my younger ds (6) isn't ready for a lot of this stuff but ds2 delights in sharing his superior knowledge of everything. I don't want my 6-yr-old to be the one who tells them all in class about where babies come from.

All advice welcomed please.
It only seems two minutes since i was fretting over toddler tantrums

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Loshad · 14/05/2007 11:24

hugs fmv, have to stomp up the stairs very noisily in this house if heading for Ds1's room

EllieG · 14/05/2007 11:25

I have a good book called 'Questions Children Ask and how to answer them' is by Dr Miriam Stoppard and has all sorts of different subjects including sex/puberty related stuff and is quite useful

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 14/05/2007 11:47

loshad - how old is he?

God, I always say ds1 is quite young for his age IYKWIM, but I guess hormones are just hormones, even if you do still take a teddy to bed with you...

OP posts:

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 14/05/2007 11:47

ellie thanks, will look out for that. But I am just not ready for this!

OP posts:

saintmaybe · 14/05/2007 11:57

Hmm, yes, had to face this already with ds1 who has a similarly keen and curious same age (10)girl friend (NOT 'girlfriend') (gulp)

And ds2 smells

And he's only 8

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 14/05/2007 17:20

bump for early evening crowd.
Empathy is lovely but advice even bettter...

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 14/05/2007 17:26

Can only empathise -DS nearly 11 and suddenly realise he's more young man than my baby. Much more into privacy - his own and mine - actually knocked on my bedroom door the other morning and we're the sort of family who are relaxed about such things. Also everything is "Whatever".

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 14/05/2007 17:30

nooo, noodles you can give advice

OP posts:

roisin · 14/05/2007 17:34

Oh crikey! DS1 is nearly 10, and I thought we had a few years yet before this all hits. It appears I'm being very naive

NoodleStroodle · 14/05/2007 17:38

FMV - I try to be as open an honest as I can. I say all men wank and it's natural but not something that I need to know about in detail.

Yes mummy and daddy have sex but it's between us and nothing to do with you

Your body is changing so you need to keep it clean - I don't want to smell you.

You will have a girlfriend one day so practice being nice to me and your sister.

When he comes home from school with smutty "ooerr" comments I try to be as matter of fact about it as possible. I tell him when I think comments about women are unacceptable becuase that is a comment about me too. We've touched on catching diseases, getting girls pregnant, drugs and smoking and I am sure we will go over and over it again and again...

I try to give him privacy and respect but ask for the same in return.

DS smells and is smutty and lazy but he is my dearest boy.

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 14/05/2007 17:44

Thanks NS.

Roisin, I know, that's why I'm in shock and posting on here! I have apparently been very naive too. IAnd if I'm wrong, well, at least I won't be caught unawares when all this does start for real

He's such a baby in so many ways. He's my beautiful first born....

OP posts:

NoodleStroodle · 14/05/2007 17:47

FMV - it's true though - these boys waiver between strutting young man with an answer to everything and young boy who really needs quite alot of reassurance and hugs still.

The balancing act is us to read the signals and deal with appropriately. Easier posted than done.

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 15/05/2007 17:06

right, so are there really no more mums of older boys out there? Or do you all just hate me so much you won't deign to respond...

OP posts:

Sugarfree · 15/05/2007 17:22

I've got a 13.5 year old.(I had him when i was 8.Honest )

Right where to start? Got mine a book out of the library called "Everything you ever wanted to know about willies;but were afraid to ask" (something like that) but he was older than yours.You could get it and read it yourself first,I think it may be a bit full on for a 9.5 yo tbh.

I keep the same policy I've had since he could talk which is,if he's old enough to ask then he's old enough to get a decent answer.As regards to the younger ones(7.5 and 3.5)DS1 seems to have the wit not to ask when they're about

As regards 'private moments' I don't walk in to his room suddenly and I don't look at the bedlinen AT ALL when I change the beds.

Give me a shout if there's anything else,I'll pretend to be an expert for you.

PS>If you think its bad now,wait til your baby is a hulking great bloke is stamping naked across the landing with his giants feet and pubic hair.

ThatBeetroot · 15/05/2007 17:27

FMV - 9 and half? blimey!

My 13 year old does not seem to be doing much or my 11 year old- not that I haven oticed.

And my 10 year old - nope!

I bought the everything you need to know about your willy book- this one

And if he asks I will gtell him/them

As far as I am aware the wanking side is pretty private - ds's have not discussed it with me.

I would leave himto it and wait until lhe asks

Sugarfree · 15/05/2007 17:30

Here's ours

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 15/05/2007 17:38

Hello Stranger! Did your special Levellers-antenna pick up my distress calls specially? Or have you merely been very active on some topic section unbeknownst to me??

Beety, I know he is rather young, I know! I do not know for sure what he was up to, just that I walked in and he was covered by duvet and looking very guilty and hot and flustered. He may just have been lovingly holding it very tight!
What it did do was focus me on how fast he is growing, coupled with some very grown up conversations he has initiated - and made me realise how ill-equipped I am for this particular stage of development.

I mean, I'm a feckin pre-school expert - this be foreign parts to me now....

OP posts:

Sugarfree · 15/05/2007 17:50

Hello my lovely!!!!!

I didn't know it was you!!!!

We're all ill-equipped though aren't we? It's the same as every stage of bringing them up,you just make it up as you go along.

When you see DS1 at BD,can you NOT tell him that I was discussing his pubic hair on t'internet? Ta.

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 15/05/2007 18:36

belly laugh out loud at the very idea! (deal, ditto )

BTW, Show of Hands has popped her pink sproglet, if you haven't seen the announcement. here if you want to show some folky solidarity

OP posts:

Tamum · 15/05/2007 18:44

I haven't really had to do much explaining as they seem to cover everything in frankly rather graphic detail at school. I am still reeling from the fact that ds's voice has just broken, pretty much. His choir teacher siad "right, I think you'd better go and sing down there with the chaps"

Sugarfree · 15/05/2007 18:48

I did my congrats before you missus!
I asked her if she has seen the line up for BD,SoH are playing,but strangely she hasn't answered. Do you think she's busy or something
Are they coming to BD?

Anchovy · 15/05/2007 18:49

"DS smells and is smutty and lazy but he is my dearest boy."

NoodleStroodle, I don't know why, but that made me feel quite emotional - it is a lovely thing to say.

Sugarfree · 15/05/2007 18:49

Sorry Tamum,that was rude of me.How old is your DS? No squeaks or screeches here yet.
(apart from me,and I have been screeching for almost 13.5 years.Funny enough.)

Tamum · 15/05/2007 19:27

Oh, don't worry Sugarfree He is 12.5 and growing fast. I just hadn't expected his voice to go so soon and so quickly- we were round at a neighbour's a few weeks ago, someone who sees ds several times a week, and he was really taken aback when ds spoke! There's a definite faint shadow on his upper lip too, bless him. He's still very sweet and cuddly though

Original poster

filthymindedvixen · 15/05/2007 20:16

I need an emoticon to express 'Awww' and 'Ohhhh!' at the same time Tamum....

God I love me boys!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2