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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Crying 7 week year old, desperate for advice!

48 replies

asampras · 11/05/2007 21:23

I'm a first time mum and so confused about leaving baby to cry. Everything I've read says that you shouldn't leave a baby to cry for more than 10 minutes. So i constantly have my baby with me all day. And yet sometimes she's crying in my arms so hard despite my attempts to soothe her, i don't think she'd know the difference between being in the cot or with me. I find it such a strain keeping her on me, i don't get time to even meet my basic needs. Tonight i ate 'dinner' - a piece of toast - over her cot whilst i soothed her with my other hand. My husband and i argue about this all the time, i constantly have my baby on me and he thinks we should let her cry in her cot - because "babies cry."

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

skirmish · 11/05/2007 21:27

i know the feeling...my dh always used to say 'leave him to cry - he needs to learn'...i don't think at 7wks old they can do that!

Honestly, do what feels right...sometimes, you have to put them down, leave the room and calm down yourself - it gets so frustrating. But, it does get better, I assure you! And, it won't be long before they don't want all the attention and the cuddles!

Malaleche · 11/05/2007 21:27

Maybe your dh could hold the baby while you eat?

It might be colic in which case it'll go, in a month or so....
Do what feels best to you, it'll probably be best for your baby too. Things will get easier, eventually

gingersj · 11/05/2007 21:29

Is your baby well apart from the crying? Does she cry all the time?

It can be really tough when they do cry, but if you know that all the bases are covered like clean bum, fed, winded, right temperature - then you have done all you can.

It is really important that you do eat properly and do have a bit of time to yourself.

liquidclocks · 11/05/2007 21:29

Does she cry all the time? I wouldn't have said that's completely normal, you should have time to eat! Is she colicky or sicky?

If you really can't put her down then you could get a wrap and go for the whole babywearing thing - I found it really heped with my refluxy babies.

tribpot · 11/05/2007 21:30

It is true that babies cry, and generally comforting them is better for both them and you than not comforting them. If you find it getting too much for you - which is understandable - it's better for baby to put her down for five minutes whilst you regroup than you reach a breaking point.

My ds was held for virtually all of the first 14 weeks of his life, because he had reflux (undiagnosed by hv) and could not be put flat, it was torture for him. We could only sustain it because dh was at home too, so we took it in shifts.

Could your dd have reflux? If so, I can only encourage you to keep her upright as much as possible. I looked back at an old diary when we moved house last week and marvelled at the fact we were still putting ds down on the playgym months after he was born, even though in hindsight this was a really daft thing to do. If she will settle (eventually) being held, hold her.

It would be a lot more useful of your dh to take over holding her when he gets home, so that you can get on with other things. A sling is also invaluable. Do you have one? If not MNers will have lots of helpful advice.

Keep up the good work - the first few weeks are just grim however you slice it. MN is here to help.

kiskidee · 11/05/2007 21:30

have you tried using a baby sling? it allows you to carry them and get on with things for yourself. thinking of toast crumbs on wee head.

is the crying all day or mostly in the evenings / night.

Original poster

asampras · 11/05/2007 21:31

My dh was still at work until about 7:30 and i was starving, when he got home i asked him to take over looking after her and next thing i knew he'd put her in her cot crying and shut the nursery door, so we had the usual argument AGAIN about leaving her to cry. So by the time he cooked dinner we were barely speaking and i lost my appetite. I think she has trapped wind, but i'm confused does that mean there's nothing i can do (yes i've tried massaging her belly, and infacol) i can just leave her crying?!

OP posts:

ChocolateFace · 11/05/2007 21:33

Asampras,babies arent' suppose to cry too much. Does she cry more at certain times of the day? I'm presuming she's crying even though she's been feed, winded and changed. Is she over tired? Do you give her a dummy? Do you swaddle her. Sorry for so many questions

tribpot · 11/05/2007 21:34

No, there are lots of things you can do for trapped wind - putting her flat in her cot won't help her Take a look at Pewari's Prattle .

Original poster

asampras · 11/05/2007 21:35

Generally she's been quite good, but she's had trouble doing a poo and i've been filling her up on water, and today i've noticed her squirming and feeling bubbles in her belly.

I tried a sling but she screamed blue murder as i tried to get her in and once in her sling she cried harder.

I've tried swaddling her but again she screams!

OP posts:

yogimum · 11/05/2007 21:36

It could be colic, My ds now 9 months was the same at that age, especially between 5-7pm. I took him to see a cranial oestopath and we started a simple routine at 6pm, bath (me in the bath too) few drops of lavender, candles, even soft music). I sometimes breastfed him whilst in the bath. Eventually he went to sleep in his moses in our bedroom so we could have dinner. You can't relax and have dinner with a baby crying anyway. I know how you are feeling! My husband also seemed to become an expert and I was the trained maternity nanny, I used to just ignore him. It does get easier!

lulumama · 11/05/2007 21:36

try a sling

make sure she is winded....gently bicycle her legs, rub her tummy gently , anticlockwise, lay her across your knee with some gentle pressure on her tummy....a warm bath can help too

if her needs have been met in terms of hunger, winding, nappy changing, and she is still inconsolable, she might be colicky ..in which case , she needs to be held and soothed, as leaving her to cry won;t help

are you breastfeeding? or bottle? is she feeding well?

JodieG1 · 11/05/2007 21:37

Get a sling is my advice, then you can eat and do what you need to whilst having baby close.

lulumama · 11/05/2007 21:37

i;d leave the water

her tummy is so tiny, just milk is all she needs or her tummy will be full of water ,but she will still be hungry...milk is all a new born needs

JodieG1 · 11/05/2007 21:37

She doesn't need water, just give milk. Try the sling again and walk about in it, it feels like the way they did in the womb

jennymac · 11/05/2007 21:38

My dd had colic and reflux and cried almost non-stop every evening for 12 weeks and it was so stressful so I total empathise. My advice is that if you need a break to eat etc set her down for as long as it takes. I remember my dh and I eating our evening meal to the sound of dd crying in her bouncer every night but you need to eat and to be honest when they are that upset ten minutes out of your arms isn't going to make any difference. Believe me it does get better - my dd (8mths old) now only screams like that in the middle of the night! I must have been bad in a previous life!

ScaryHairy · 11/05/2007 21:38

Hi asampras. I'm sorry you're having a tough time - it is hard when there are so many conflicting views about how you should look after your baby, isn't it?

I think you should take a deep breath and try to figure out what you feel comfortable with. For what it's worth, when my daughter was this old I tended to think if she was crying it was usually for a reason - either she was hungry, or windy or the wrong temperature (she cried a lot because she was too hot; last summer was boiling), or she was tired or not tired enough for bed and sometimes (less often than the other reasons) she cried because she wanted a cuddle. I decided that the right thing for me was to feel like I was meeting those needs, so it she just wanted a cuddle, that was what she got. I preferred not to leave her to cry.

Sometimes babies do just cry, but my experience is that very often crying is the baby trying to tell you something, not just having a shout.

If I can recommend a book to you (if you aren't already suffering from information overload), I would suggest you read one of the Babywhisperer books by Tracy Hogg. They were very helpful for me to learn how to interpret my baby's needs. This in turn meant I could understand why she was crying and eventually we met somewhere in the middle and settled on a vague routine which suited us both. Then I got some time to look after myself.

I hope it gets better soon. Just follow your instincts and do what you feel is right.

Original poster

asampras · 11/05/2007 21:39

She's fed winded and changed, i put her down to sleep and she'll wake 10 minutes later crying, sometimes she cries instantly, other times i hear her working up to it and i'm able to soothe her back to sleep before she fully wakes. I've resorted to giving her a dummy, but its 50-50 sometimes it works, some times she just spits it out and cries. If i swaddle her, her crying gets worse.

OP posts:

Twiga · 11/05/2007 21:39

asampras - if you think it might be trapped wind/colic then you might find that by lying your dd on her back and gently moving her legs like she's riding a bike might help. Also ask your mw/hv about baby massage - there are specific massage moves for helping to shift colic. The bike thing worked well for us with our dd, you could hear it was working!

Sorry to hear you're feeling so frazzled, Agree with the others that have said go with your insticts and do what you feel is best for her. Hope things improve soon.

liquidclocks · 11/05/2007 21:40

Water? Are you BF or FF - water isn't really recommended for either - just more milk if she's thirsty. Has someone told you to give her water?

What kind of sling did you try? DS2 hated the papoose and the pre-tied wrap sling but loved it when I tied the wrap on with him already in place.

Infacol was great for bubbles/wind IME but if she is being sicky, or her breath smells acidy then you could pursue the reflux line - it's a very common cause of excessive crying in babies.

Sorry about all the questions, just trying to help.

kiskidee · 11/05/2007 21:41

is she breast or bottle fed asampras? i remember from an earlier thread of yours that she was being breast fed. is that still so?

JodieG1 · 11/05/2007 21:41

I think that you learn your baby's needs from listening not from a book, never liked routines personally. We just go with it really and take each day as it comes when they're babies. My ds2 has reflux but infant gaviscon from the gp really helped.

liquidclocks · 11/05/2007 21:41

And btw, there's NOTHING wrong with giving her a dummy at this age, especially if it soothes her - don't feel bad about it at all.

Original poster

asampras · 11/05/2007 21:42

If i don't give her the water her poo becomes like a very thick paste and she struggles to get it out...and cries. Got so bad that it came out as solid hard poo once. The doctor and a maternity nurse advised me to give her water in between feeds. She's bottle fed. She feeds well, if anything too much, i had to put her on hungry baby food.

OP posts:

gingersj · 11/05/2007 21:43

My DS used to go nuts ...we discovered a long time later that he was allergic to milk and was giving him really bad tummies, which started off as wind, then constipation and more. It's just a thought if your baby is on formula.

I agree with the bike movements on the legs, it works wonders for wind

Have you been to a doc? HV? If not, it would be worth doing - babes dont cry all day normally.

Trust your instincts, you know best.

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