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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Naughty Girls School

95 replies

typhoonsmum · 01/05/2007 21:46

Am the mother of a 4 and a half year old who is using her new found indepedence to the upmost.
Have tried the naughty step and other modern day punishments but she just laughs at them. Would call in Supernanny if I knew how but I think she is too much for even her.
A few days ago I remembered the punishment/threat my mum used on me.
THE NAUGHTY GIRLS SCHOOL
It worked for me. My mum even made me speak to the headmistress( my aunty but at the time I didn't know that) and pointed out a big building and said that was the school. I believed her for years.
I tried it the other day and it was fantastic. She was a little angel. She didn't want to go to the school as she'd miss me. ( I was so choked up)
This evening after two hours of telling to go to bed and stop banging about/raiding the fridge/changing into Snow White dresses I told her I'd phoned the school. She didn't believe me. (Every time I've "phoned" I said there was no answer) Tonight I phoned and pretended I got thru. She screamed and cried and went to bed. She was asleep two minutes later.
The thing is I feel so guilty scaring my daughter into behaving. The NGS did me no harm but I feel awful doing this to her but it is the only thing that seems to work.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

stoppinattwo · 02/05/2007 22:17

my mum used to scare me to death with ghostie stories in an effort to get me to behave, i locked myself in the bathroom, and slept in the bath, i wouldnt come out

WigWamBam · 02/05/2007 22:18

Do you know how it feels to be frightened of the one person you should always be able to rely on to make you feel safe and secure? My mother controlled me through fear - frightened me to get good behaviour from me. It was her I ended up frightened of, not the things she threatened me with. And it had life-long consequences; I am still frightened of her now, and the low self-esteem which that method of control left me with as a child still affects me today.

I would hate my daughter to think that she had any reason to be frightened of, or by, me.

thedogsbollox · 02/05/2007 22:35

As parents we have enormous power over our children. The pinnicle of that power is the power to withdraw our love, or ourselves from their lives.

Yes, it is a card you can play, yes you can decide to do so, yes it will work. But it is a bit like pushing the button on the nuclear deterant. Yes, it works, but it destroys everything in its path.

One of the lessons we learn quickly as 'good' parents is what is a proportionate response to poor behaviour. To choose to apply the nuclear option, is in my view, a disproportionate total abuse of power.

I abhor your behaviour, I abhor your parenting of your child. There, I;ve said it! Yes, I judge you and I judge you harshly. On this occasion I am a fully paid up member of the mumsnet jury - and I don't take my place on that jury lightly

swtchks · 02/05/2007 23:35

I think abhor is a bit strong! This girl is asking for advice, not harse judgement but I'm sure you parenting skills are A1...wink.

Saturn74 · 02/05/2007 23:39

If it is really the only thing that seems to work in controlling her behaviour, what are you going to do when she works out this school doesn't exist?

Rachmumoftwo · 03/05/2007 09:59

OMG this is all getting a bit harsh isn't it? Poor Typhoonsmum is probably frightened to even visit this thread.
OK we may not all agree with NGS, and Typhoonsmum herseelf feels bad about it, but how about some constructive advice instead of all this judgemental criticism!
Children testing the boundaries like this are very hard work, so what do you suggest she do instead of just berating her?

frances5 · 03/05/2007 12:30

If you can't take the heat then its best to keep out of the kitchen.

If you post on mumsnet you can't always expect to have people agree with you. Its a bullitin board with a mixture of opinions.

Greensleeves · 03/05/2007 12:47

Wow babygrand, that's truly disgraceful

Rachmumoftwo · 03/05/2007 16:17

I agree that we are entitled to our opinions and have the right to disagree with the poster, but where is the help & advice in that!

colditz · 03/05/2007 16:21

I did give advice.

Rachmumoftwo · 03/05/2007 16:47

Yes you did, and a very good suggestion it was too. The important thing (like you said) is to follow through with what you have said will happen (taking away a toy, not sending off to NGS), or they will call your bluff the next time. It is important to be consistant and clear when disciplining (I hate that word) your child, or they will run rings around you!

KatieandBB · 03/05/2007 16:54

for gods sake, can't believe you lot! what a judgemental bunch you are.

leave typhoonsmum alone, its working for her daughter as it also worked for her when she was little.

colditz · 03/05/2007 17:09

Hitting children with sticks works too.

Original poster

typhoonsmum · 03/05/2007 17:23

I'm only visiting this thread now out of amusement. Your reactions are laughable honestly.
I am a good mother and my children will be taught old fashioned manners. Respect for elders and giving up seats etc. Nothing you say will change my views on child rearing.

SO KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT!

OP posts:

colditz · 03/05/2007 17:27

I don't have to agree with anything that someone has a legal right to do. I can't stop anyone doing what they want.

But when people tell you how damaged they feel by this sort of thing, does it not worry you that you are damaging your own children? do you really think making children cry with fear is the same as making them respect their elders? Please explain to me the link - I am missing something in translation,.

thedogsbollox · 03/05/2007 17:27

Ah! I see now - you were merely posting to brag about your wonderful parenting skills!

Glad we provided you with some amusement.

Pity the child born into such ignorance

WigWamBam · 03/05/2007 17:29

Great. Good for you.

Carry on feeling guilty and awful for doing it, if that's your choice. And carry on making her scream and cry with fear.

You said you didn't like doing it, it made you feel awful. And that's why people have offered their thoughts - and actually, if you look a bit further than the end of your own nose, there's quite a lot of advice on this thread. But actually I can see now that you didn't want advice, you're quite happy with scaring your child into behaving herself, and were actually advocating it to others.

Lovely.

Christie · 03/05/2007 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

niceglasses · 03/05/2007 17:31

I got the norty girls schl ALL the time. I mean all the time. I once packed my little orange case in prep of going there. I even thought I knew where it was in the town (I think it was a care institution). My mum did it constantly - somewhat wrong I think, but I think I'm not permanently scarred. My mum isn't that bad - I don't think......tricky.

Wouldn't do it to mine, or haven't yet. Never say never is my motto. (Or is that the Topshop brand??)

Saturn74 · 03/05/2007 17:33

"Your reactions are laughable honestly".
Whilst yours to your DD were unkind and upsetting.

quadrophenia · 03/05/2007 17:34

well i don't mind admitting I have threatened my children with something similar before, and do you know what, you couldn't meet more loving, secure kids. And whilst i'm not proud of the punishments i have resorted to at times, i don't think the remifications are anywhere near as bad as you lot would have typhoonsmum believe.

PetronellaPinkPants · 03/05/2007 17:36

My father used to threaten me with Roedean when i was naughty

I used to quake if we ever drove past it, I imagined children in chains being fed bread and water and witches for teachers

(maybe that is indeed the case who knows?)

colditz · 03/05/2007 17:38

Not one person has popped up and said

"My mum used to threaten to send me away when I was naughty - it made me really respect her and other people's feelings, and behave myself out of an understanding of natural consequences. I never lost a moments sleep over it, or tie myself in knots about whether this time she won't change her mind at the last minute and put the phone down - it didn't bother me at all. It's a great discipline tool that I would advise to anyone!"

Not one.

colditz · 03/05/2007 17:38

The only people saying it is harmless are the ones doing it to their kids.

niceglasses · 03/05/2007 17:39

I don't think you rationalize like that when your young. I'm not saying its right - its clearly not, but I don't think the OP is alone, or perhaps deserved the slight hammer to crack a nut effect she may have recd.

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