A big thumbs up for the reward system - and this is coming from a someone who is neither that pro- or that anti-smacking. I have, on the odd occasion, smacked my oldest son, but not for the last year or two.
When my son started his new school two terms ago, aged 7 and a half, he settled in well, socially and academically, but he was still on the naughty side in class. But is was outside school, attending clubs and courses, where he suddenly became a little horror, getting suspended from Beavers for a week, frazzled drama teacher phoning me at home for a special 'talk'. etc.
OK he was probably letting off steam - his new school had high standards of behaviour, but it was simply not on.
After a swearing incident at school, his headteacher called me in for a discussion. He told me about the schools reward system, and said he felt optimistic that my son would improve. I said I'd back this up with a reward system at home, but I have to say I was really sceptical. Smiley faces and stickers might work for a 5 year old, but wouldn't a nearly 8 year old find it all a bit uncool? I was sure reasoning, time outs, on the spot rewards administered in my ususal ad hoc way would work in the end.
Anyway, the head teacher suggested this: every day your son can get up to 2 smiley faces for good behaviour, so 14 in a week. Decide on a minimum limit he must get. (We agreed on 7). If he achieves this, he gets a reward. When he passes the minimum target easily each week, raise the stakes by setting a higher minimum, so he has to reach a different level (a bit 'gameboy' this!)
I ran this scheme past my son, thinking he would laugh in my face. To my utter amazement he immediatley made a smiley face chart. We also agreed that my son could have a bigger reward, like a gameboy game, if he 'saves' his reward weeks. This held great appeal.
Four months down the line and I can say the reward system is far more successful and popular with my son than anticipated. OK, I know it's difficult to determine the root cause of naughty or good behaviour. It might just be coincidence that he's now pretty OK (with the odd naughty blip) at his after school clubs. But he knows he gets a smiley face if the club leader tells me he has been good (I always ask) and this really seems to be an incentive.
I don't think this reward method appeals to his reason. I don't think he is mature enough for reason to work alone. Anyway, how many adults unfailingly listen to reason? And yes, we still do time outs sometimes, because some things have to be punished. And no, my son hasn't morphed into an angel.
But I know now that my son needs daily and tangible proof that being good makes life better for him. Smiley faces leading to gameboy games seem to do the trick very nicely
I still believe that occasional smacking in the context of a loving relationship does not automaticlly lead to lasting mental scars. But I'm now more convinced that smacking is an ineffective means of behaviour control, especially once children are old enough for other methods.