Can't take anymore of this.......Where will it ever end?

[IntergalacticWalrus]

Once again, we have had to leave the only remaining activity that DS1 oes because of his constant tantrumming. I think we will have to knock that one on the head also.

He is driving me nuts (he's 2.3) He won;t sit still at all, he whinged constantly, he shouts, he gets angry and hits DS2 (who is nearly 7 months) or me for no reason.

I have started to avoid taking him anywhere because it's such a bloody ordeal.

I don;t want to be a prisoner in my own home, but at the same time, I can't face leaving anywhere else in tears because he has been so awful.

I just wish someone would come and take him off me. He's been a nightmare since the day he was born, if I am honest. I hate saying that, but it's true. He's extremely unpleasnt at the moment, and I can't see a way out of it.

I have started to ban TV as muych as possible, and I try and do things withj him, like painting, going to the park, going for walks, swimming, cooking, but they never last more than 2 seconds because he can'tr concentrate on it. He runs round aimlessly mostr of the day, and wont react to any form of punishment/sanction (he thinks time out is a great game and just laughs if you tell him off)

HELP, before I ring bloody Barnardos.

yeahinaminute- can you please clone yourself as i think you sound so lovely! I'd buy one of you [grin. What a great friend x

Brilliant - maybe I'll get mum up to stay too - she's fab at story time - and all for the cost of industrial quantities of gin

yiam is wonderful!

She's a bad influence though

I'm not that nice really !!

But IGW is and my buddy needs a small vignette of time to be pampered !

ME???? ME??? - ahem young lady - you went drink - for drink with me !!!

He really sounds like a livewire. love the idea of a book showing him what is happening that day to help him - might try that myself.
Is he into books in general. Would he sit down with you and read for 10 minutes... just special mummy and son time while baby sleeps?

IGW - DS1 isn't frightened of animals is he as I recall?

How about I take him and a small rabble aroud the village and then he can feed the pigs and say hello to the horses in the fields, then the park and then you DP, and my DH could meet us in the child friendly local for a quick livener before home !

No, he loves animals

That sounds like a plan

intergalactic have you tried something similar to the pasta jar but maybe with sweets or something else he would like?

DS (3) was/is like your DS. There were days when I wanted to nail him to the wall just so he would stay still for a minute.

Star charts/time out were all a waste of time (I will try again maybe when older)

Open space, I agree, is the best.

He is slowing down slightly after calm and consistant reasoning with him on what is 'asseptable'.

He is also going to nursery two morning a week which has helped his behaviour around other children immensley.

Keep going out and dont be afraid to pack up and come home immediately if he doesnt calm down after a warning or two. I thought DS wasnt getting this until recently but I believe it has paid off in the end.

I like the idea of visually plannning for the day ahead also.

Right, hoping for a few nice days next week, so I cab run him ragged round the park

Yes, I've always felt that it's much easier to be a good parent when the weather is nice.

Oh, fucking hell.

I really am turning into an unpleasant cowbag

I have just bawled at DS1 so much he cowered

I donlt know wahts wrong with me. I'm fucking useless atm

igw - I am so sorry you having this horrible time. Just want to sympathise deeply. I am in no position to offer any advice whatsoever (my daughter is 5months only) but your story reminded me of my nephew who had my sister and bil tearing their hair out for a good couple of years. They considered taking him to some sort of therapy at age 2/3. He was a nightmare. All I can say is that they remained steadfast in their attempts to put boundaries and control his behaviour - he is definitely improving at age 4. They think the trigger was the arrival of his little brother when he was 18 months. Too young to show any jealousy and ostensibly there were no issues at all but it's a young age to be suddenly ousted from your position as baby!

Thak you for offeringme some hope, margo.

He has cried constantly for 2 hours. I wish I was anywhere other than here

Oh poor you. It"s so hard, isn't it. I remember my sister crying about it for hours. Yet they were doing all they could. It's so easy to start to think of them as bad through and through when you get no glimpse of the nice side for months on end. But he will come through it and you're not useless - you sound like you are doing all you can to help him. take heartxx

I was just reading about your plight. I was the same with DD2. Could not cope with her and refused to go out. Luckily DD£ restored my faith in parenting abilities.
I was just talking about DD2 with my health visitor this morning about her as I had lots of problems with her behaviour.
Mostly she is (although you wouldn't guess form the state of her) very VERY sinsitive to my emotions and used to pick up on my stress. Even the thought of getting in the car stresses me out so much that she starts playing up.
Do you think he's picking up on this - however hard you try and disguise it? You do sound as if you need a break.
I was refered to Homestart and charity who gives parents with kids under five a break/respite and provide drop in centres. have you tried looking for organisations like this

Hi there, you said you wouldn't wish him on anyone else but I bet he'd behave differently because he wasn't so sure of himself, so PLEASE don't rule out any possible break you could get. Someone not related to him will be much calmer and might even enjoy him because they're not carrying all that guilt you've got at the moment.

When you speak to him try to use as few words as possible, speak slowly and clearly. If you're stressed it's easy to come out with a torrent of words/commands etc and they don't have a clue what you're on about. Keep life very simple and predictable.

Good luck

Dont beat yourself up about it.

Its bloody tough when they are having a particularly bad run of this sort of behaviour.

Any chance you can sod the housework for the rest of the day and snuggle up and watch his favourite dvd or summat? At least, just something with you and him and big cuddles.

Hello IGW

Sorry to hear about the crying I hope things went better after that

I've been thinking about you all afternoon and hoping you're ok.

Someone has already said that it makes you question your parenting abilities when you have to deal with a child like this and I very much agree.

I found that I was caught in a cycle of expecting bad behaviour from ds2 and jumping on him the moment he did the slightest thing wrong. I spoke to my HV who asked me to keep a diary of our days so she could see if there were any triggers.

After 2 days I realised that me and him have a huge clash of personalities, he's very stubborn and so am I and I refused to back down as much as he does.

It made me realise that I had to choose what I was going to lay the law down with him over and just ignore the rest.

Hitting and pushing and tantrums atr playgroup where a no no and I would give him a warning that if he didn't stop we would leave. And if he didn't we would put our coats on and go. Luckily all the mums there were very supportive and didn't try any well meant interference and he realised eventually that I meant business.

I've also realised how important it is to him to know what is happening and have resigned myself to the fact that I have to talk him through everything we'll be doing but the end result is worth it.

Your DS is a bit younger than mine but I remember those days so clearly. I would spend a lot of each day shouting and then the rest of it crying as I felt so useless as a parent and so mean to shout at him like I did

But things are so much better now and I even enjoy my time with him now!

Sorry to have waffled, here are some practical things that have helped us

As I've said, plan and discuss what it is we'll be doing for the day

Internet shopping to avoid supermarkets

While he was still in his pj's letting him 'do the dishes' standing on a chair at the sink. Always gave me 10 minutes at least to dress baby, sort out dishes, maybe even brush my hair!

Forcing myslef to go for a walk to the local shop every day whatever the weather. letting him take a pram/shopping trolley to carry bread back. Great way to give lots of praise and guaranteed half an hour out of the house.

Bathtime at anytime if things were getting too heated between us.

Cbeebies website was and still is a huge hit with DS2. He's got great mouse and keyboard skills and doesn't make me feel quite as guilty as TV does ( however this drastically cut down on MN time!)

Talking with DP about how hard I was finding it. Texting him to let him know what sort of day we'd had so he would know just to take the kids off me when he got hom from work so I could have a cup of tea in peace.

Phew, arm ache after suvch huge post!

Fingers crossed that you have a good day tomorrow

Lact8 - I've just been doing a little catch -up on the chat (after ER finished- hence the time)..
Although this is not my thread I just thought I'd let you know that I've taken something away with me from your mammoth typing spree - so don't feel like you've wasted your time.
I am now going to email hubby before he leaves work to let him know what to expect when he comes home... I just realised that I get cross at him as soon as he is in the door sometimes just because he can't mindread!
I am definatley going to give him a "heads up" every day at 5:00 from now on!

Hi IGW, hang in there, it's so tough dealing with a stubborn wilful boy - I'm there too, but my son (3rd child) is almost 4 and a half now. If that sounds depressing life IS easier now my family is a bit older. I have been blessed with quite a bit of help one way and another at critical times, but when my 3 were all under 5 yrs and I was ready to climb the walls, I considered various sorts of outside help. My health visitor suggested Homestart as I recall (didn't remember the name until tartanchatterbox posted it), but another option if you are in Bath is to try Norland Nanny College. As I understand it they look for young families for their nannies to get experience with (ie you help them to get that experience, and you get free help.) I never actually tried it, but you might give it a go. Oh and one other thing - never clench your teeth! (I find it kind of focuses my rage and makes me ready to do a murder). I all too often yell at my kids: wish I had more patience and determination dealing with them, don't we all?

That Norland Nanny suggestion is brilliant. You would actually be doing them a favour by allowing them to hone their skills on a challenging child. It's a win-win situation!