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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Crying in evenings

29 replies

LaBoheme · 18/03/2007 17:36

Hi All, I was wondering if anyone could shed any light on this as it is really upsetting. My 3 month old in a matter of 3 weeks has gone from going down without too much fuss at all of a night, to having real crying fits that last for ages before she wears herself out and finally goes to sleep - usually for the night with 1 night waking for a feed.
She gets almost blue in the face and we end up jigging her to sleep in our arms as we are scared she will puke if we leave her even for a mo (and never have anyway) but is usually nicely fed and bathed in a calm and relaxed atmosphere - nothing has changed in our routine at all. The only thing I will say is that she is a cra* napper during the day and I am on the go almost constantly with her - maybe this is why? Could it be teething? All ideas would be greatly appreciated...
xx

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JOSIE3 · 18/03/2007 17:38

if you suspect she's overtired then could you put her down a bit earlier?

Original poster

LaBoheme · 18/03/2007 17:42

that's just the weird thing dosen't seem to make a difference if we put her at 5 6 or 7 same scene

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Swizzler · 18/03/2007 17:43

Could you try other ways of getting her to nap? I spend a lot of time out with DS in the buugy (and he always wakes up when I go into a shop )

Original poster

LaBoheme · 18/03/2007 17:46

that's what I do in order to get her to sleep - she finds it really really difficult and it takes ages before she nodds off - she cries more generally now but the evenings are a meltdown I a just dread seeing her so hurt and upset x

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Swizzler · 18/03/2007 17:49

If it's teething, a bit of Calpol or similar may help at bedtime - worth trying to rule out her being in pain.

Swizzler · 18/03/2007 17:49

If it's teething, a bit of Calpol or similar may help at bedtime - worth trying to rule out her being in pain.

Leoness · 18/03/2007 23:02

Your instincts are probably right and I would trust them.
I have a 3 1/2 month old who was doing that around 10/11 weeks. When my ds started crying a lot before bedtime, I think he was still hungry. I feed him for longer and that's helped a lot. Is your dd ff or bf?
Ds also seems to get a build up of wind so if I cycle his legs, pat his bum and roll them into his chest he can produce some serious farts which also helps settle him.

I don't know if thats any help?

good luck

ShelleyHJ · 19/03/2007 15:57

I'm in exactly the same position. My 9 week old DS was going down beautifully in the evening and the nighttime feed, and was basically going from 7pm feed to 1am feed and then 6am. She has now changed to every 3 to 4 hours day and night, which I know is not bad, but when you're constantly trying to settle them inbetween, it feels like you haven't had any time at all to yourself.
Swizzler - also have the buggy problem which is a nightmare everytime I try meet up with my postnatal group as mine seems to be the only unsettled child and I end up gulping down my coffee and then dashing out to push the buggy to get her off to sleep again! V v frustrating!

Mumpbump · 19/03/2007 16:05

Ds used to have a howling fit every evening and I think it was because he hardly slept during the day. Once he started napping during the day, he was better at going down. However, if your dd has been going down okay, I'm not sure whether it would be that...

Swizzler · 19/03/2007 19:22

Bear in mind that they're supposed to need 5-6 hours of daytime sleep at this age (DS NEVER got that much, though!)

mamijacacalys · 19/03/2007 20:11

Could be teething or just overtiredness. My 8 mo DD is like this if she doesn't nap in the afternoon. She also started 'teething' (dribbling, red cheecks, hard gums etc) when she was about 4 months, although the 1st teeth didn't actually come through until 6 months.
HTH

fizzbuzz · 19/03/2007 20:35

Dd was like this, and ended up at doctors with her screaming so loudly, couldn't actually speak to doctor.

She was a crap napper in the day, although this did improve by about 4 months. I used Baby Whisperer methods for a bit, which did the trick.

Now 8 months old and still not best napper in the world. Grabs hold of cot bars and shakes them in anger now, if she doesn't want to sleep, then gets really grizzly for rest of day.

I think your dd is tired. Daytime napping should improve as she gets older....may not last though

Plibble · 19/03/2007 20:45

When my DD started behaving like this at about 12/14 weeks, everyone told me she must be overtired. It turned out that she wasn't tired enough (as she had grown older, she needed less sleep in total but was napping the same amount) and when I stopped letting her nap much in the afternoon, it resolved itself. I also decided not to put her down at night until she was absolutely wilting. The first night she went to bed at 8, and then it moved earlier, eventually settling at about 7pm (which seems like a miracle when I remember how awful bed times used to be).

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted. I remember how wearing this was for us.

Original poster

LaBoheme · 20/03/2007 19:25

thank you to all! I too am the one at the meet-ups standing rocking jigging and pushing my baby into submission whilst the other Mums sit calmly sipping their tea. I am thinking this is a combo of overtiredness and a bit of hunger. Now I am trying a couple more oz in the going down evening feed and encouraging a nap in the afternoon (5-5.45) and it SEEMS to be working but I never say and all that...
Thanks again to everyone for ttheir responses - it is so horrid to have an agitated baby

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SydneyB · 20/03/2007 19:40

Laboheme, was about to post exact same message as yours! My lovely 13 week old used to go down for naps happily enough and was relatively easy to settle at night but now she's started these horrendous screaming fits and I can do NOTHING to stop them it would seem until she just suddenly wears herself out. They used to be just at bedtime but this morning it happened at morning nap time. And had to flee from NCT meet up this pm as she kicked off there and I knew the only thing that would work is the buggy. Is it possible that they're just changing and growing so quickly now that everything kind of 'hurts'? Am just trying to wait it out but its horrid when you nothing you do seems to comfort them isn't it??

Original poster

LaBoheme · 21/03/2007 14:58

Totally Sydney, I think they are growing so rapidly now and learning more during the day so maybe it's harder for them to relax at night. The feeding extra does help so do try it before bedtime, I am sure they will grow out of it at some point but it is sad to see them so grumpy isn't it?

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katierocket · 21/03/2007 15:02

LaBoheme - we're going through this at the mo. My first was the same and i was hoping for more of a laid back baby with my second but getting DS2 to sleep is an utter nightmare (he's 9 weeks). He fights and fights it and we have regularly full on screaming fits - where he won't be comforted. have tried loads of different things (cranial osteopathy, been to see a paed etc etc) but nothing helped that much and now I'm just thinking that he will eventually grow out of it.

It's awful though isn't it? utterly draining. no answers but much sympathy. Actually was thinking of starting a general support thread for mothers of unsettled newborns.

katierocket · 21/03/2007 15:04

Syndey - "Is it possible that they're just changing and growing so quickly now that everything kind of 'hurts'? "

I think this is true, if baby is particularly alert (and always had been) then tend to be more like this. I think they get over stimulated really easily and then have no 'off' switch so it just makes their heads explode IFYKWIM.

Original poster

LaBoheme · 21/03/2007 18:31

Katie it is interesting when you say that if the baby has always been very alert it seems to affect them in this way. LO has always been the most awke and alert baby - full on eye contact for sustained periods, seems to try to "talk" to us and then gets frustrated so she starts to cry shortly after she needs SOmuch stimulation and when I carry her keeps turning wriggling and writhing; I have said it before but am the one at the meet-ups who is just up and down and round and round like a bl yoyo!

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katierocket · 21/03/2007 18:36

me too laboheme! Get "The Fussy Baby Book" by Dr Sears, an absolute godsend. It's not about getting them in a routine or such like but it is about coping with a very difficult, unsettled baby - has practical tips but also deals with the emotional side of parenting this kind of baby - feelings of inadequacy, anger etc It's great, wish I'd known about it when had DS1. Just hold onto the fact taht more alert babies grow up into bright children.

Original poster

LaBoheme · 21/03/2007 18:51

I will buy it Katie that is v interesting, I have a feeling I was rather like this as a baby myself but yes; I couldn't even think of just popping her down somewhere and her staying put bless her, like many of the other mums I know do. It is v v tiring indeed x

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SydneyB · 21/03/2007 20:01

Katie, that's interesting. DD is very alert when awake and is now much more physically awake too - lots of arm and leg action - and I agree that she just suddenly gets overwhelmed by everything and goes into meltdown. Today, I stayed in and spent the day watching her very closely for signs of fatigue. First yawn, I put her down for a nap and avoided screaming fit until 4.30 when I must have missed the yawn. Seemed to work to be honest - did mean about 5 naps of 45 mins but avoided the really bad screaming. Also topped her up with bottle of EBM before bed and that seemed to calm her. Also crying is still their only way of communication so it could be as simple as 'i don't like being in this position' or 'you just moved me when i was perfectly happy' that causes a mad angry fit! Think DD is going to be strongwilled... Interested in that book - half the battle is managing your own feelings isn't it? Get angry and then feel SO guilty..

katierocket · 22/03/2007 12:09

really is great book. We have the problem that DS2 won't sleep in the day apart from in sling. He sometimes sleeps in pram but wakes as soon as you stop pushing. Oh how I envy those mums with children that will sleep anywhere

SydneyB · 22/03/2007 16:11

Laboheme, Katierocket - I have a new theory about these hissy fits. I've decided that DD is actually really annoyed when I don't get it right. When she was smaller and crying it was either hungry or tired but now its more complicated and so when she's crying because she's bored and I try and feed her or put her down for a nap, she goes into an absolute fury which is hard to break. Have discovered that popping her in the sling facing out and walking around a bit can calm her enough for me to try something else when I've got it wrong, first or second time. This morning I tried a new toy on her - a bird thing that flies around on the play gym and she hated it and went totally balistic! Could see no other reason for fit but once I'd calmed her down, she played again for a bit. Rambling now.. Complicated isn't it?

Original poster

LaBoheme · 23/03/2007 09:45

I know what you mean Sydney it does get more complex now - LO sometimes looks at me as if to say "what on earth did you do that for?" when I try a certain Toy or even popping in the dummy at the wrong moment and goes absolutley ballistic. She seems to want me to do something and then I eventually get it right.

Since I started this thread I have tried lots of things and what seems to be working is when I :
a) Put her down after 1st yawn
b) Try and distract her for a bit so she dosen't really realise I have put her down (talking or using a toy)
c) Roaming the streets at intervals to make sure she gets nap times during the day
d) Topping up at last nightly feeds (she can't fight sleep on a really full tummy)
We have avoided the awful screaming fits for a few nights so far!

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