I think I did the right thing but still feel guilty.
For the last couple of months DS has often been too busy to come to the table to eat. Some days he comes on the first request or after finishing his picture or whatever he is in the middle of. Other days, he need to be asked several times and joins us when we are halfway through our main course. Then he proceeds to eat reasonable quantities but of course finishes long after us.
Yesterday lunchtime was particularly bad. We got home from an outing and DD was really hungry and DS went up to his bedroom to play even though I said lunch would be ready as soon as hands were washed. About four times during the meal that DD and I were enjoying together, I popped upstairs to tell him we were eating and ask him to come to the table. The final time, I said, we're nearly finished so if you don't come now, lunch will be over. By the time he came down, we had finished and I had cleared up. He went up to his room to sulk for a bit and then we did some gardening together while DD napped and the day went on its usual course. We even played make believe picnic with sand, earth and cut grass. Not once did he request food. I brought out squash at one point when I was thirsty.
In the bath, when I said he could do x (can't remember what) after bath, he said 'But I want my dinner straight after bath, I'm hungry, I didn't have any lunch' so they had their meal straight away. He ate more than usual.
Today after we got in from school, same thing. This time I said - dinner will be ready in 15 mins and set the timer to ring. He was too busy in his room to come. I got DD started and went to ask him again. 'I don't want any dinner'. While DD was still eating he came down and played in the living room, which communicates with the kitchen and chatted to us whilst playing. After I had cleared up after DD, he came into the kitchen 'I'm ready for my dinner now'. I told him, 'I'm sorry, dinner is over now. You can play for 10 minutes and then it'll be bed time.' He started to go into meltdown but fortunately DH arrived home from work and DS remembered he needed help with the train circuit he was building so they went off for that. They didn't have time to finish before bedtime. A couple of times whilst getting ready for bed he said 'I wanted to have dinner before going to bed' but he didn't say he was hungry and was more bothered by the fact the train circuit wasn't complete.
I feel sure he would have eaten a normal dinner if I had agreed to serve him just after DDs meal was finished, but this is a home not a restaurant. At 4 it is not to much to expect him to come to table when the food is ready (give or take a few minutes), is it? I don't force them to eat if they don't want to. But I feel that he needs to learn that everything cannot revolve what he wants. Or am I cruel?
On the plus side, I am thankful to have a child who is sooo into his playing.