iPads for young kids... yes or no?

[blossombird]

I've a feeling this is going to be a touchy subject but....

DH and I are going out tonight for a meal with our 2yo DS. DH wants me to bring the iPad for him. he's been saying about setting the iPad up for a while, we don't use it anymore (more than enough technology going on with a smartphone each and laptop between us) so he wants me to find some age appropriate apps and download a couple of DS favourite programmes to keep him occupied while out and about.
My argument to this is - we didn't have iPads or portable tech and we managed on just fine without. If a colouring book and crayons was enough to satisfy me when I was a child at a restaurant then why isn't it good enough for DS. I think it's setting a bad start to showing DS sociablility skills (if that's even a word lol) if he thinks he can sit through a meal glued to a screen. DH thinks I'm mad and need to go with the times lol he says everywhere you go toddlers and kids have iPads or their parents phones to play with to stop them getting bored at "adult things" such as meals out (which tbf are few and far between just that tonight is a special occasion for us) and shopping days. We're expecting DS2 this summer and DH thinks I'm making a rod for my own back by holding out on the iPad thing, he thinks my life will be a lot easier if when I need time with DS2 to feed or change or just 5 mins to myself I can give DS1 the iPad and know he'll be able to entertain himself for a few minutes at a time. DS hates shopping (like walk around the shops clothes shopping) so I don't go, I order all things I need online and go to the park or somewhere DS enjoys instead but again DH says if I can set the iPad up for him I'd buy a bit of "me time" to walk around the shops knowing he's not going to kick off in the pram or run off as I'm trying something on.
I really don't want my child glued to a screen all the time I don't think it's healthy, he has tv at home and I want him to see the world and take things in when we're out but DH thinks there is a middle ground where he can do both.

What are parents thoughts on this? Am I being too old fashioned or should I stick to my guns with this?

I think it really depends on the situation... our DD's are 4 & 7, and we wouldn't bring iPads if we were out for dinner in this country.
On holiday though we do bring them! After a long day of doing stuff (none of us are very good at sitting still), girls are happy to chill with a movie to zone out a bit at dinner and we are happy to enjoy a leisurely glass of wine. If they don't want the iPads or want to chat to us, then that's ok too.

Depends. My daughters social an interaction skills are incredible so I have no concerns so wouldnt pay attention to such guidelines for her.

Surely no one really makes parenting decisions based on the recommendations of the American association is paediatricians ?

I think there's a balance to be found. I have no problem with giving ds my phone (we don't have an iPad) if he's sat for a while and is getting really fed up, however it shouldn't replace interaction and I try to keep it as a last resort rather than giving it to him straight away.
Maybe take yours but keep it in your bag to start off with and see how you get on, encourage her to sit, look around, eat etc then bring out the iPad near the end of your time just to give you a relaxing few minutes at the end of the meal.

My children were little long before the advent of iPads and weren't particularly angelic but we found that 2 children and 2 adults worked all right... we would just keep involving them / distracting them and if one was still a baby let it nod off ... it was not as easy when we were outnumbered even though DC3 was easy in many ways there just weren't as many arms to wrangle/ laps for sitting or eyes for staring beadily with.
We eat out quite a bit on holiday as little opportunity at home and worked to make it work ( naps before hand) but they were great fun times and we had some lovely experiences.

I'm a mum of 3 but my personal opinion is that rather than having rules like never using an iPad, I think it's best to play it by ear. Some kids don't need a distraction but others do.

If eating out is a quick affair that your dd copes with just fine then there's no point introducing an iPad.
If you want to have leisurely meals (say a 3 course meal with extended family) then it might be good to offer it when she starts to waver.
Sometimes kids might be ill and want to curl up in a buggy with Peppa Pig or whatever to distract them from feeling crap. It would be foolish to stick to a no iPad rule in that case.

Please please please if you are letting your kids use ipads in a restaurant have the decency to ensure they use earphones with them!

Just play it by ear...I have three children. My first born we never gave or had the iPad out for him,but he was pretty chilled out & "easy" and at 2 it wouldn't have lasted that long anyway. I always have & still pack a bag of entertainment for all my children. My current bag of tricks for a 7, 5 & 2 yr old is Lego/duplo in lunchbox type bag, a few books & sticker books & plain pad & crayons.
We do take the iPad out with us & give it to number 2 who is on the spectrum & needs it & zones into it...but he only has it after he has eaten and we are eating. Number 3, is still little so distraction works.
Don't feel bad about using it, if it works.
I speak to my children all the time & play games/read books etc & I sometimes feel the judging eye from other people when one or both are on the iPad. Even though I may have been talking to them for hrs...so if you use it, it is about growing a tough skin as regardless of the iPad, the judgement of other parents can be bad enough...

I think that if you are going to take a 2yo to a restaurant, for the comfort of others, you need to ensure that they behave. If an iPad works in this capacity then you should do it.

My mother tells me that we just weren't taken out to restaurants as small children. They went out without us until we had manners enough to sit nicely and not "make a scene", as she is fond of saying. It's all well and good pp saying that a meal out is family time, but some kids (especially small ones) can't and won't sit through a meal. Do what you need to do to ensure that you all enjoy it - this might mean you try without the iPad to begin with but have it stashed away just in case. This is what we do. I couldn't give a rats about people judging me!

Surely no one really makes parenting decisions based on the recommendations of the American association is paediatricians ?

Maybe. Maybe not. But I think it's worth considering the weight of scientific evidence vs parental convenience/opinion. It's not like you can 'do over' is it?

Perhaps I'm biased as a scientist. But on an anecdotal level I find it interesting that my friends who limit screen time have children with excellent verbal and social skills who are generally (not always cos they're kids!) well behaved.

My friends who use screens as first-line pacifiers have children with poorer social and verbal skills who seem more emotionally reactive and struggle with patience, sharing and other social interactions.

Totally non-scientific and quite possibly a reflection on wider parenting experiences/genetics. But it tallies with the science.

That's just you seeing what you want to see based on your own bias vet

I agree parents I know parents who have regular sitters and rarely take children to restaurants. They do often seem very lax and children have poorer communication skills, children seem unable to sit at the table for meal times at home and as they get older and occasionally eat out with their children the children haven't a clue how to behave in public
We never had any sitters we enjoy eating out so have taken our children to restaurants early on I.e. before 6pm from when they were babies, they have always sat still and behaved and enjoyed the food and family time. From when they were old enough we let them speak to the staff order their own food and use their manners. Neither are perfect and both have their moments without a doubt. But we often used to get complimented on how lovely polite and well mannered our children were.
I would save iPads until when they are older and for after meals if they must be taken to a restaurant or leave them at home with a sitter who is interested in having an interaction with them rather than plonking them in front of an iPad.

No no no no no no.

Nothing worse than kids in restaurants with technology. Lazy crap parenting.

My DS is 2.

We went through a stage about 6 months ago of using technology too much. I've now banned Ceebebies on TV, phone and iPad. The only time he gets to see iPad is for big events, so far 2x weddings.

I personally feel all that staring blankly at a screen was turning him into a bit of a shit, he's far nicer now and we read lots and lots of books.

We try and take him out to child friendly restaurants fairly regularly so he learns about eating out. 99% of the time he's happy with cars or stickers at the table. We do find three courses is pushing it but it's still early days. If we don't take him out to experience things he'll never learn.

So I would say, iPad if critical but if your just going to Prezzo he can go without.

Surely no one really makes parenting decisions based on the recommendations of the American association is paediatricians ?

Yes, what on earth would paediatricians know about children!

Just to add, DS and I often go out for coffee and cake alone, it's 1-2-1 and shorter than a full dinner out. I basically consider it training. With cake.

I'm not anti screens. At all. I even think watching kids' tv is useful for little ones because it gives them touchstones for conversations with other kids - I remember feeling very lost and awkward as a telly-less kid in the playground.

All the same, ipads/phones at dinner make me sad. Eating out with little kids might not be relaxing, but they learn so much and so fast from seeing how others behave and from talking to you. My lively, loud, etc... DS1 has been a pleasure to eat out with since he turned three (maybe even earlier). He sits nicely, waits for food, eats with cutlery, talks about all sorts of things and never ever behaves badly. I don't think we'd have gotten* here if we'd resorted to the Ipad.

*Yes, 'gotten' is a proper word.

I get that there's a different calculation to be made with kids who have sensory difficulties.

Absolutely no IPad for a 2 year old. He will get used to it and demand it every time you go out to a restaurant or any place where there is a waiting time. Give him a toy or a colouring book.

I wouldn't, no. I take those activity place mats to colour in / draw on. Also a couple of books, maybe even a puzzle to keep some variety over the course of dinner. Magic drawing slate also good.

Something I've got into recently is podcasts for children. Keeps them super quiet and absorbed without needing a screen.

"Today 09:10 User2468

Surely no one really makes parenting decisions based on the recommendations of the American association is paediatricians ?

Yes, what on earth would paediatricians know about children!"

Well... they're medical professionals. I wouldn't let my GP tell me how to parent

AAP is a professional association and not even in this country. I find it really odd that their evidence is referenced so often on MN although I strongly suspect it's just because they have a strong Google presence so come up first.

No, I don't like people having phones at tables. My sister will come over for dinner and completely ignore everyone because she is glued to her phone. When I asked her about it she said her partners children have iPads at dinner so she's used to sitting on her phone at home too. I personally see giving children iPads at dinner as setting a bad example very early on.

My dc have tablets from around the age of 3. We enforce time limits and monitor content but yes we do sometimes allow them to use it at a restaurant. Particularly if we go to a big family meal where the other kids in the family bring theirs too. You'd think that would keep them quiet but it's actually the opposite

Forgot to add the tablets get taken away once food arrives and we don't allow it at home during meal times either.

That's just you seeing what you want to see based on your own bias vet
And that is why I used the terms 'non-scientific' and 'anecdotal' but thanks so much for making that clear!

AAP is a professional association and not even in this country. I find it really odd that their evidence is referenced so often on MN although I strongly suspect it's just because they have a strong Google presence so come up first.
Yes it's a professional association made up of paediatricians i.e. Medical doctors that care for children. In much the same way that the British Veterinary Association is made up of British vets and produces position statements and evidence-based guidance. I'm not sure that geography is relevant in this context - are you suggesting that US guidance on screen use wouldn't apply to UK children?
I suspect it's oft-cited as there is no equivalent guidance in the uk

Unfortunately dgs is no longer interested in screens at all. Won't even bother with Peppa Pig or Paw Patrol anymore. He wants to be up and about ALL THE TIME. He's 21 months. At a restaurant we find a fruit shoot (water and milk only at home so a very special treat saved only for eating out) given when we arrive is enough to keep him entertained until the food arrives and then the food keeps him entertained and then we HAVE TO Go (or let him into the children's area if there is one!)

We have tablets for our 3 and 5 yr olds, but I'm not a fan of tablets at meal times, either at home or in restaurants.

Aside from anything else, if DC have tablet time just before a meal, they'd often rather continue playing with the tablet than eat. Noisy protests at having to put tablets away and eat are bad enough at home - I wouldn't want to inflict that on other diners in a restaurant. Plus, as pp have said, I think it's good for them to learn about how to behave properly in restaurants. It's harder to do that when glued to a screen.

If I was taking their tablets to a restaurant, they'd be used as an absolute last resort - I'd only be bringing them out after other distractions (colouring books, sticker books, Lego etc) were exhausted.