6 year old son - lost his joy - hard to 'like' him:(

[Kesh]

This is part of an e-mail I just wrote to my cousin. After I sent it, I thought I'd paste it on here and see if anyone else has any suggestions. I really could do with some sound, sensible, common sense on this. I think I'm too 'close' to the situation to be objective

*Well, he's 'wet' and he fuss's and he whines and he goes on and on and on about small things and get's his knickers in a twist over nowt. He pouts and stomps off, tells tales on everyone, is very negative. I'm sure I've said this before D, but it's like he has no 'joy' or he's lost all his joy. He's great for a while and then he just becomes very, very irritating. He makes it hard to like him - not just me and Graham. I've noticed it with Grandma and Grandad and his friends at school. He cries at the drop of a hat. Oh God, I dunno, I could go on for ages and it sounds like I'm slagging my own little boy off and I'm not. I just dunno how to help him really.

He HATES football which is a real bummer because his class is full of footie fanatics, so he always finds himself on the fringe. Then, when kids do try and play with him, he makes up stupid rules, gets moody with them and after a short time, they piss off to play with kids who are less 'needy'.

Is any of this making sense to you?

Georgia, on the other hand, is just a barrel of fun - always looking for the humour in every situation. She's no where near (not even close) to being as academically smart as Robert but she just doesn't give a shit and I know it sounds odd but I just don't worry about her. I know she'll be fine. She might not apply herself to her school work bt she'll succeed through shear force of personality.

Oh I don't know - I'll see what his teacher says and go from there. She's been a teacher for years and she's seen it all before, so I'm hoping she'll have some pearls of wisdom for us!*

just a thought - is everything ok with him physically?

I just ask cos my ds2 was just like your ds1 between the ages of 4 and 6 - I was getting seriously worried about him

However, he was chronically constipated, and once we got that sorted out, he became a different child. It took a while, but he's now much happier, much less clumsy, has discovered cycling and goes to cycling club once a week which he loves, has made lots of friends (is apparently one of the most popular boys in his class, acc to his teacher which nearly floored me as it's just so different to 2 years ago), and is flying academically. Most importantly, he's got his joie de vivre back - and we're able to have fun again - I got talked into taking all three of mine to Legoland on Tuesday - and although I was rather dreading it, it was fine and we all had fun - I wouldn't even have contemplated doing something like that without another adult's support a couple of years ago, so things can turn round

kesh I have a 6 year old, she is quite a few of the things you describe, demanding, whinging, that by her rules thing only, falls down when she is not winning... she drives me mad sometimes... but I have weekends away with her, or go places just with her, which can be a really good thing, well it worked for me...

my dd is so rude sometimes and I can be very intolerant of her rudeness, because she is my pfb?... but also because it is just sooo annoying ... I am trying to say I have pretty high expectations of her, maybe too high, sometimes...

recently I went away with her, I was not reallly looking forward to it, 3 hour train journey and then 2 days dealing with her less appealing behaviour... but it was fantastic, she wasn't perfect, but it was so lovely to be somewhere different with her, she was the focus of attention, but not for negative reasons, we had some absolutely perfect moments, I saw her in a different light.

I hope you can figure out something... what does your ds's father think of your feelings?

You have just described my SS and I am sad to say I find it very hard to like him, in fact sometime i actively dislike him and find him extremely hard to even tolerate. I can imagine it feels even worse if its your own dc. I'm sorry I have no advice but thank you for starting this thread, it is reassuring to know that other people feel like this too.
Hope things improve for you. x

I think first borns have it quite hard because we are always breaking ground with them. With the second, third etc, you recognise that things are phases and will pass.

I have similar issues with my ds aged 6 except my worries are due to his being so tough, so emotionally un-needy and generally loud and excitable. I worry because he doesn't tell tales-but sorts things out himself and then gets into trouble if the other child gets upset!-I am always wishing that he was more sensitive, emotional etc.

I often wish he was a different character because he can be sooo difficult. Nowhere ever seems big enough to deal with his over the top personality! and I get frustrated with him

My relationship with dd who is three is totally different!

so I think it is quite natural to have the feelings that you have.

Chipkid - we should swap children for a week or two!

AeFondKiss - I've been thinking about how and what I could do with him - just the two of us. It came up as an idea back in March (from another poster, higher up the thread) and we did some stuff together which was good. Just takes a bit of planning but I think it's necessary. MY DH needs to do this with him as well.

DH has the same concerns and irritations as I. We do talk about DS and we do try to rationalise and keep our heads. Basically, we're a strong partnership and we try to sing from the same hymn sheet.

mimsum - as far as I know, there is nothing physically wrong with him. Nothing in the tummy department. Hearing is good. Eye sight - he wears glasses and is checked regularly. I'll keep an eye out - maybe we're missing something. I did wonder about dyspraxia for a while. He ticks a lot of the check list but then, so do most kids. I'm not convinced he is dyspraxic but could be on the edges of the spectrum.

spottyshoes - a few years ago, my step-mother told me that she had always struggled with the 'step' aspect of parenthood. She said she felt she could never say what she really felt because being the 'step' parent meant that anything, even slightly negative, would be/was blown up out of all proportion because she was a step-mother. It's like she had to almost be saint-like - does that make sense? I understood what she was saying and I really feel for step parents. It's a thin ice position to be in, in many cases. Good luck and I hope it works out for you too