Might be a silly question but im curious - Do we give our kids confidence or do they naturally have it from birth????

[Biglips]

as my 2.4yrs old dd is very confidence in anything as she is more confidence than we are

I'm sure there was something about siblings position in the family having a huge impact as well.

Something like second children are always striving to keep up with the elder child. Apparently lots of entrpreneurs are not the firstborn in the family.

Sorry can't remember any facts as such.

Anyway, it's not just parental influence, siblings have a huge effect as well

article on birth order here

It is possible to have read a few books and yet not agree with Sophable. Steven Pinker, who has probably read a few, doesn?t seem to think that the nature-nurture debate has been so one-sidedly resolved.

But then I would question her assertion, being the daughter of a geneticist (now is that nature or nurture?)

I think it's 50% nature and nurture for a lot of things and more genetic than people used to think.

I said below some children are just obnoxious and over confident and need people to squash them and can be difficult to have in a class. Sometimes it might well be a show but inside they feel dreadful. Hard to tell without talking to them one to one. When my daughters decry their poor younger brother who is much quieter I always defend him. I think he may well be the happiest most laid back member of the family although on a lot of superficial scores at least his sisters would do him down. You can be confident, happy and adjusted well or shy and those things. What is worse whether you're confident or introverted is if you're unhappy and dissatisfied.

What is true is that the daughters will find it hugely easier to impress employers, boy friends and others, if you think those things matter. I'm sure daughter 1 got her job offer last week in huge part because of her confidence and she had that even when she was shown round her very first nursery school when she was about 2.

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is she tidy oo

Not sure about over-confident children needing 'squashing' in class Xenia.

In my teaching career I've never found a child who doesn't have some areas of self-doubt.

In fact I've generally found that the ones who seem over-confident in one area are compensating for lack of confidence in another.

Most of them grow out of the obnoxious phase, and if they don't there's always a career in politics.

Yes, in my experience the ultra confident ones are the ones who can be crushed with a single comment. And more often than not the bullies are the ones who are having a really really tough time.

All in all I suppose I'd prefer dd to a child who is over confident as I think more is expected of them.

Rhubarb - I live in fear of 'crushing a child with a single comment' - remembering some levelled at me by insensitive teachers in my school days. I know I appeared 'over-confident' at school, when in fact the reverse was the case.

Thing is, I probably have hurt some child's feelings without realising it.

Anyway, rambling, not point of thread...

(enid - yes, very. Lines things up in size order etc. Clothes all neatly in piles)

she sounds very like dd1

check out the Highly Sensitive Child website (google it) it is quite interesting (albeit a bit, ahem, American)

I have scanned that before and then went into denial

will peruse a bit more, she is vvvvvv sensitive

tags on clothes annoy her, will NOT wear certain tops, she fell over once in her trainers and has refused to wear them ever since

god she sounds identical to dd1

esp the clothes thing

hwo old is she

the good news is dd1 is much better now (except still paranoid about dd2 and dd3 messing up her room which I can live with)

still pants at doing anything in a hurry though

it is most annoying

likes them in the shop, wears them once and then they fester for ever more on the rail

she is lovely with it though and a joy so I wouldn't have her any other way, just can be er, trying, at parties or anywhere new etc

she is 4, will be 5 in October

dd2 is 2.6yrs and completely different, she breezes through life, takes everything in her stride

bizarre isn't it?

lol

I remember starting a thread on the clothes thing

promises promises that she will wear the top then it lays untouched in her drawer and she comes up with any excuse to not wear it

the positive side is taht dd2 has lots of lovely almost new clothes to grow into

yes

we have a Gap top, gorgeous, but apparently the seam on the sleeve is annoying! Worn ONCE.

I am so used to it now I always tell her I will stay with her until she is settled

she invariably is fine

occasionally has meltdown - had a MAJOR panic attack in teh science museum (crowded and v noisy)

but you can understand why really

dd1 is 7 now and loads better

she will throw on clothes without thinking about them including jeans and most tops

yes, I have to stay

we have just started doing dancing (ballet, but basically loads of 4 year olds clod hopping about) and I had to stay for 4 weeks

sat on my knee for 2 weeks watching, then did about 10 mins, then got her outfit and stayed

most mums just dumped and ran without a murmur and you can see them looking at you thinking OVER PROTECTIVE but hey ho

loves it now so I am thinking of getting her to do more activities to bring her round a bit

yes sporty activities great - dd1 gained in confidence by going to ballet and swimming and recently, riding.

lol I know what you mean about other mums dumping and running - now I can do that with dd2 you see.

Whenever dd1 managed to stay at something without me I would talk about it with her 'remember how you felt before you went, then it was fine wasnt it' etc etc

yes, she gets very frustrated if she can't do something straight away so I explained that mummy couldn't drive and now she can, hated it at first but if you try blah blah

now we have her running all over the house in her tap shoes on the WOODEN FLOORS. Joy.

got to go now and do some work (off for a month after today, SAHM! - inlaws in Oz - so got to clear desk), will look on that site

thanks enid

xx

good luck! x E