Letting 5 week old "cry it out" during daytime

[Pandora88]

I feel like a horrible mother for doing this, my little DS is absolutely adorable and not too bad overall but he does have those days and nights (usually come in a row) when he's a baby from hell. He'd cry and cry completely inconsolable for hours. Naps? Forget it? He'd do 10 mins to half an hour max. Proper feeding? No way, he nurses for 5 mins every hour or so. Rest of the time he'd be screaming, moaning, breathing quickly.

I feed him, change his nappy, give him infacol, give him a belly massage for gas, we have ruled out any health problems (blood tests at hospital and checked twice by peds ) I normally hold him in my arms and carry him around but when even that fails (he'd shout right into my ear) I just don't know what to do, so put him in his cot/bouncer and let him cry for a bit.

I would then step away to do some simple things like even brush my teeth (no time for it with him constantly unhappy!)

So he would be laying there crying for 5-10 minutes depending how long it takes me to get sorted. I feel terrible for doing this and I found that I'm actually no longer even rushing myself because I'm becoming resentful of him (and a bit of a failure as a mom - surely to be in mummy's arms should offer some consolation )

I am just curious if any of you had a similar experience, I so hope this is not too traumatising for him but I just feel so hopeless! I never do this at night as am generally opposed to "cry it out" sleep training but with him going day and night during these "bad days" I literally can't even brush my hair!

Bit too young imo. . Sorry. .

Have you tried a sling or carrier? You can get basic stuff done and cuddle at the same time.

My babies have been cryers. Sometimes you have to quickly leave them (changing a toddler poopy nappy!) but nearly all essential things can be done carrying them in a sling. Tooth brushing is possible one handed.

It's not his fault poor mite.

@ilovecainedingle

That's okay I'm looking for honest opinions (but hopefully no personal attacks)

@batteriesallgone

He hates the sling so far :-/ I can definitely try tooth brushing one handed but if he still cries on my arm part of me just doesn't see what benefit he gets from being there with me

You'll probably be crucified on here for admitting it but I've done the same thing with both my dc (now 5 and 14 now) and neither suffered for it long term. Sometimes I needed to do something (phone call, washing, sorting something out etc etc) and I'd leave them for the odd 10 mins or so. Neither of them liked being carried about in a sling either. Sometimes you do have to look after your own sanity as much as you look after your children.

5 minutes won't hurt him. All of mine had colic and cried a lot (day + night) but I always used to think that when you are trying to comfort them - even if it doesn't work - they know that someone is trying to help them.

Agree with pp. Too young. I know how you feel though! And sympathise. Have you got a rocking moses basket? This really helped us.

No attack intended as have had a prem crier and def no fun at all. .
I think the easiet thing is sometimes just to accept they are demanding at this stage but it doesn't last long. . And you will be amazed how much you can get done with 1 arm. Hoovering /housework /teeth brushed /it's quite a skill!

OP,, I know you have said youve seen paeds team twice and theres no issues, but could he be hungry? As his only drinking for 5 mins every hour,,Have you tried topping him up with a bottle? Also have you spoken to your health visitor? 5 weeks is about young for inconsolable crying and I personally wouldnt leave him to cry it out. Sorry

Also a dummy. I gave in and opened the 'I'm never gonna use these' dummy supply at about 5 weeks!

Honestly? With two or more children you don't have the luxury of making the choice whether the baby waits for attention or not. Sometimes things have to be done. I wouldn't put them down to scream just to have some 'arms free' time to drink coffee and read a magazine (not just because it's not relaxing!) but if my elder needs her bum wiped or I have to put lunch on, then that's sort of what needs to happen.

For the rest of the time, I would suggest a sling. At 5 weeks they're still extremely tiny and snuggling up to you, being warm, hearing your heartbeat and feeling all cosy will be the most soothing, relaxing thing for them.

Also, advice no one gave me with my firstborn: don't let them go more than 45mins - 1hr awake. Any more than that and they'll get overtired and fight sleep. Time them, then do what you need to to settle them, it makes so much difference to their (and by extension, your) happiness.

I didn't really have to do it when my DD was a very small baby but I can remember my HV saying to me that as long as the baby wasn't crying because they were hungry, tired, in pain or wanting a cuddle that it's OK to leave them to cry for 5-10 minutes whilst you go to loo/have shower/step outside to gain some sanity.

You are absolutely not a failure! Having a baby who cries all the time is very hard.

My DS had colic, it seemed like from about 2 weeks till maybe 12 weeks if he was awake and not feeding he was crying. I remember it being so hard.

Have you tried a sling? You can then wander about with baby in it. With earphones in if necessary to block out the crying (it sounds horrible, but if baby is changed, fed and being held then there's not a lot else you can do).

I'd also really recommend trying to get out of the house, preferably without baby if you've got someone who can look after them? Being able to take the dog for a walk on my own saved my sanity!

I think it's fine to put him down for a few minutes so you can wee/ get dressed/ etc. We've all had to do that and what you're talking about isn't 'cry it out' (which is a sleep training technique). But not to leave him for ages and ages just because (not saying you do this).

I always found a change of scenery helped when they're grumpy. Pop him in the sling and go for a quick walk. Put some music on and dance around with him in your arms. It is tough, but these phases pass very quickly at this age :)

This too shall pass.....but I couldn't let my dd cio and I can't face cc either... I'd never judge anyone for doing it if it works fine but I know when dd was 5w I'd do rocking and nursing for hours or let her sleep on my chest rather than let her cry I hope this phases passes soon!

I had to do the same with my dd1. You need to be clean, and you need to eat and drink. It won't harm him for five minutes a few times a day, especially if you're in the same room and keep talking to him.

for you op, it's really difficult when you have an unsettled baby, but it will get better.

You aren't really leaving home to cry it out though, you're leaving him 5 minutes to brush your teeth. I understand it's frustrating but deep down you must know saying things like mothers arms should give comfort is a bit silly. If a baby is having a crying day, it could be anyone they'll cry. Don't beat yourself up. I wouldn't leave him for huge periods of time as still young but I don't think 5 mins is end of world.

Too young. If you're on fb could you see if there is a sling library near you? It might be worth testing out a couple of different sorts?

Him

Sling when you can, but sometimes you do just have to get on with stuff. No well looked after baby is going to come to any harm from being left to cry for a few minutes whilst you have a quick shower. You have to look after yourself too.

Generally a baby that young will only cry like that if they're hungry. On the other hand I'm a big fan of not faffing around too much with the baby to get them to sleep. I made that mistake with my first!

When you have a baby and a toddler the baby is often left to settle because you're sorting the toddler. I had 21 months between, so couldn't faff on with the baby if he wouldn't settle. I quickly found that the baby learned to settle himself but I would always make absolutely sure he was full up, changed, clean, warm and comfy first.

What about silent reflux, my DS was like this, a milk free diet for me and gaviscon for him and honestly he was a completely different baby. Poor boy must have been in agony.

You have my complete sympathies OP My DD (8 weeks) gets like this a few afternoons/ evenings a week. Luckily, DH is usually home, so we take it in turns to have a break. She usually tires herself after a few hours and falls asleep. We have found using a dummy invaluable - it distracts her for a bit before the crying starts again. Also, it doesn't work every night but we find a warm bath before the witching hour starts sometimes helps.

What you describe sounds like colic and health professionals say it is fine to put baby down in a safe place so you can take a few minutes out. Have your tried using a sling? It's the only way I can brush my teeth some days.

You are not a failure. In fact, you sound like you are doing a great job. It's okay to feel resentful of your baby sometimes, especially after hours and hours of crying. It doesn't mean you don't love them. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being human. Babies grow out of colic, so it won't be forever. Please speak to your GP or HV if you are finding things particularly difficult.

Noooo, don't leave the wee soul to cry, he will only get more distressed. Either (a) get someone else to do whatever it is or (b) learn to do it one legged or one handed. I remember peeling potatoes standing on one leg with the other leg rocking one or other baby in the rockatot.

Is he breastfed? He may have colic? (And yes, breastfed babies do get colic whatever you may have been told!)

There are lots of different slings, which one do you have?

If he hates in and out of the sling then sling wins, because at least you're there with him when you can't stop the crying.

I remember just feeling desperately sorry for DS when he would cry and cry and I would feel really bad. With DD I was able to cope a bit better - kept her as close to me as possible (clothes off both of us, sling on, cardy over the top) and reminded myself I was doing the best I could.

Sometimes you do have to leave them but it's rare. If you've got the right carrier and a husband who will make you packed lunches, do essential housework etc then really there is very little a baby needs to be put down for.

Sorry if I'm not coming across sympathetic. I don't mean to sound harsh. But you are a grown adult and he is a tiny baby. He needs you to be there for him, even if he screams all day and night. Babies are boring and pretty shit to spend time with. Particularly when they are screaming. But there's no getting away from your obligation to care for them to the very best of your ability and then some.

Try and remind yourself one day he'll be a cute toddler who'll be capable of coming up to you and saying 'mummy, ouch. Cuddle?' That's what he's trying to say now