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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Are we over-childproofing our house?

44 replies

ParsleyCake · 08/12/2016 08:41

On my Facebook feed I see acquaintances with children who seem to have really unsafe homes. Just as an example, I saw a photo yesterday of a one year old sitting beside a Christmas tree with plug sockets and a glass table visible in the background. For me, all these three things seem like a a bit dangerous and I know that for a start my 18 month old would head straight for the tree, start pulling off and eating parts of the tree and playing with the sockets.

While I am happy in my own decision not to have glass tables, or a Christmas tree or sockets within reach, I sometimes think back to such photos and wonder if I, and more specifically my OH, are overly cautious with our own home. This happened today, when my son learned how to climb on top of our dining chairs and onto the table and my partner suggested we get rid of the table - or at least the chairs, so he wouldn't be able to climb up.

As usual, I looked at him like he was off his rocker and refused. But the problem is, I can't deny that yes, there is a chance he could fall off and land at the wrong angle and seriously injure himself or worse. My partner's reply was that if it happened, could I forgive myself, given that I had refused to get rid of them? No, I couldn't.

The thing is, we live in a one bedroom flat which now is starting to look very bare. My OH always seems to be moaning about getting rid of this or that piece of furniture because it has sharp edges or something. I have agreed to things which I feel are sensible, but I keep telling him that we can't wrap him in cotton wool, and that he will go straight for all the dangerous things at other people's houses and not know how to navigate them safely because we have made his world 'too safe'. Or something like that.

Am I being too reckless or is he being to paranoid?

OP posts:

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GoofyTheHero · 08/12/2016 08:43

I have a 3 year old and a 17 month old. We have a large real Christmas tree with a plug socket for the lights. DD2 climbs on the coffee table/dining table all the time. They are always supervised, and I teach them what they can and cannot touch. Not to say they always listen but like I say, they're supervised.

GoofyTheHero · 08/12/2016 08:44

You can take it too far IMO. Do you drive?

SnowBallsAreHere · 08/12/2016 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eurochick · 08/12/2016 08:49

We haven't childproofed much at all. We let her explore the generally harmless stuff and tell her a very firm NO re: electrics, cleaning products and so on.

Randytortoise · 08/12/2016 08:51

It's my just turned 3 year old job to turn the Christmas tree lights on and off as he's the only one small enough to fit around the back of the tree and we forgot to put the lights on a timer like we usually do
I think you are a little ott but I believe dc should be taught how to do things properly and help keep them safe.
Obviously this is easier said than done especially with ds1 who has asd and no danger awareness .
But we have a glass dining table and Christmas tree and the boys help stir things on the hob etc, on the other hand all big/heavy/tall furniture is bolted to the wall. I think it's about risk assessment.

GinIsIn · 08/12/2016 08:53

I'm not planning on leaving bleach at easy reach and I will probably get stair gates but beyond that I'm not really planning to childproof - it does sound like you might be being excessively cautious- what happens if you go to someone else's house and they do have a table and chairs?

Surely it's better to teach your children how to manage risk safely than to remove all risks so that they never learn?

Blueredballoon · 08/12/2016 08:54

Pretty much the same as Goofy.

Of course there's always danger. But you can't live in a completely bare house! My 15 month old is always trying to climb on things when he gets the opportunity- I just pull him off and say no for the 100th time that morning.

We're putting our tree up tomorrow. Of course he will try to get it at first, but if not the tree, it's the cat food or the kitchen cupboards or trying to climb the curtains!

Original poster

ParsleyCake · 08/12/2016 08:54

No we don't drive.

The thing is, as I say we are in a one bed flat so not much space is available to him to run around in anyway, so we try to make what space there is as safe as possible. It seems like the moment our backs are turned that he is teetering on the arm of the sofa or something.

Our Christmas tree is a smaller one and kept up high. When he is old enough to understand instructions I'd probably have it on the floor.

OP posts:

1wokeuplikethis · 08/12/2016 08:56

It's good to be cautious but I think this sounds a bit ott. Certain massive risks like open fireplaces and household cleaners should be covered/kept away out of reach but it's good for children to learn not to do stuff and that stuff is dangerous. My daughter learnt that a hot cup of tea on the coffee table is dangerous by me going 'ah-ah HOT!' A lot. And she learned. My 10 month old likes to suck his fingers in plug sockets and again I'm going 'ah-ah!!' A lot, but he is getting the message. Same when he sticks his hands in the cats bowl. They learn!

atticusclaw2 · 08/12/2016 08:57

You cannot remove all risks in life and if you try to do so you run the risk of your child not learning how to recognise and deal with dangers.

Socket covers are dangerous and can lead to children getting electric shocks because they keep the current open. They are more dangerous than just having uncovered sockets on the wall. They are unnecessary in the UK.

Christmas tree, well we put ours up in the coffee table when mine were little but that was because I didn't want them breaking ornaments rather than for safety.

You can't remove tables and chairs in case your LO climbs up. Climbing is a skill they need to learn. You need to teach them what is safe and what is not along with what is permissible behaviour and what is not. Climbing on the table is not permissible behaviour.

GoofyTheHero · 08/12/2016 08:57

It seems like the moment our backs are turned that he is teetering on the arm of the sofa or something

So are you going to get rid of the sofa?

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2016 08:59

I think you know this is excessive, no one gets rid of their table end chairs as a precaution, what you do is you supervise your child and watch them to prevent any accidents in the home.

We never child proofed anything, and we have and had a glass coffee table. Never occurred to us, because our daughter was always supervised and if she attempted to do something she shouldn't, we told her no so there was no risk for next time.

For your son climbing on table and chairs, who was supervising him, how did he manage to get that far?

MrsGB2015 · 08/12/2016 08:59

snowballs thanks for the tip on socket covers. I had no idea, but just googled and will remove now.

Original poster

ParsleyCake · 08/12/2016 08:59

You are all pretty much agreeing with my own mindset, so I'll be happy to tell my partner to chill out a little. He has his own reasons for being over paranoid. We do supervise him obviously, but I think what worries my partner in particular are those moments when your back is turned - sometimes it's easier to relax knowing that there are minimal opportunities to hurt himself.

And don't worry, I will not be getting rid of our table and chairs! I had thought things were getting a bit over the top in the past, but this was a bit much for me.

OP posts:

MrsDustyBusty · 08/12/2016 09:00

We're in a two bedroom flat with a baby of similar age. We haven't really childproofed because I don't want her to not understand risks. We don't let her do lots of things, but the Christmas tree is there with unbreakable baubles where she can reach. She helped put it up so she's not that interested. We try to take sensible precautions without making the place so safe that she never learns to judge risk.

Blossomdeary · 08/12/2016 09:01

It is hard - your instinct is to protect your children, and rightly so. But there does need to be a balance. Your children ned to learn how to live in the home and basic furniture like table and chars are things they ned to learn how to negotiate.

Important things are: sharp knives out of reach, heavy furniture fixed to walls, no pans of boiling water on the outer edge of the hob, pan handles always turned inwards, corner protectors on coffee tables, garden gates safely tied, fireguards, cupboard locks where bleach etc. stored, safety glass etc.

All the rest is just home life and your little ones need to learn to live round things and to behave safely by a clear No being issued when they are engaged in risky behaviour. Children cannot be protected from every possibility and it is normal for them to get a few bumps and bruises - that is how they learn. It does mean that you have to be vigilant and clear in your instrucitions or prohibitions.

beela · 08/12/2016 09:01

Surely it's better to teach your children how to manage risk safely than to remove all risks so that they never learn?

^^ this.

Blossomdeary · 08/12/2016 09:02

...or even "need"!

MoreThanUs · 08/12/2016 09:02

It would be far safer to teach your DC how to manage risk. Even at 18 months they are learning balance etc. In a 1 bedroom flat it can't be hard to keep an eye on them - this is far more important than removing all potential risks.

And buy a Christmas tree!

Original poster

ParsleyCake · 08/12/2016 09:02

Haha no we won't get rid of the sofa, though OH seriously wanted to do something about it, but I refused to let it go that far

OP posts:

MoreThanUs · 08/12/2016 09:03

Sorry - just realised I've repeated another poster!

kally195 · 08/12/2016 09:03

The only child-proofing we have done is stair gates, and that is only so she doesn't get confused in the night and tumble down the stairs.

Other than that we have just been firm with what she can and can't do and taught her the risks.

Original poster

ParsleyCake · 08/12/2016 09:04

I have a Christmas tree! Lol, I keep it up where he can't reach and it's smaller

OP posts:

SocksRock · 08/12/2016 09:08

A little OTT I think. I have never had socket covers, UK sockets are inherently extremely safe and covers actually make them less so. We had a stair gate because our stairs are steep and windy with a tile floor at the bottom. Everything else I just let them get on with. We've had a fair few bumps down knocks but they do need to learn about risk. Boiling water and sharp knives are also up high for the little ones but my 8yo can make a mean spag bol unsupervised once we started teaching her how to use knives safely. Also the 6yo is learning

Inthenick · 08/12/2016 09:09

You are removing his opportunity to learn. This is a very critical age to learn his own balance, control and safe boundaries. They do get bumps on the head and fall off things they shouldn't but your job is to make sure they don't kill themselves as they learn, I don't think it's to stop them physically learning their environment.

I can't help worrying that you are causing damage to his development. He will also be the most scared and reticent little boy in school if you keep this up. By all means hover if you must but I let my child feel what it's like to fall backwards down the stairs but I'm right behind, catching her and making a big deal out of it that it was scary so that she can learn not to carelessly lean backwards. If she climbs on the sofa arm (12 mths) I'm beside her giving a verbal warning and ready to catch but I do let her fall and feel the gentle thump of the ground while cushioning her and saying 'see what happens' etc. My 2 and 3 yr old climb on the windowsill (above it 2 foot high) to dance and although my heart is in my mouth I let them learn their balance, ready to jump in if necessary. I can't watch all the time and they manage to hurt themselves off many small, seemingly harmless things but in those cases it's my job to check the bump, cuddle and help them back onto the push along so they try again.

I think you need a rethink.

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