Are we over-childproofing our house?

[ParsleyCake]

On my Facebook feed I see acquaintances with children who seem to have really unsafe homes. Just as an example, I saw a photo yesterday of a one year old sitting beside a Christmas tree with plug sockets and a glass table visible in the background. For me, all these three things seem like a a bit dangerous and I know that for a start my 18 month old would head straight for the tree, start pulling off and eating parts of the tree and playing with the sockets.

While I am happy in my own decision not to have glass tables, or a Christmas tree or sockets within reach, I sometimes think back to such photos and wonder if I, and more specifically my OH, are overly cautious with our own home. This happened today, when my son learned how to climb on top of our dining chairs and onto the table and my partner suggested we get rid of the table - or at least the chairs, so he wouldn't be able to climb up.

As usual, I looked at him like he was off his rocker and refused. But the problem is, I can't deny that yes, there is a chance he could fall off and land at the wrong angle and seriously injure himself or worse. My partner's reply was that if it happened, could I forgive myself, given that I had refused to get rid of them? No, I couldn't.

The thing is, we live in a one bedroom flat which now is starting to look very bare. My OH always seems to be moaning about getting rid of this or that piece of furniture because it has sharp edges or something. I have agreed to things which I feel are sensible, but I keep telling him that we can't wrap him in cotton wool, and that he will go straight for all the dangerous things at other people's houses and not know how to navigate them safely because we have made his world 'too safe'. Or something like that.

Am I being too reckless or is he being to paranoid?

No. we also live in a one bed flat with two children. We have always had a larger Xmas tree, never used plug socket protectors as they are more dangerous and have things with edges.
They have to learn not to touch stuff. What happens if you leave your house? You can't fully childproof other people's homes, hotels, restaurants etc. They need to get used to their environment

One of DS's first words was 'careful!' - he was such a climber / explorer.

And just one more thing. Your DP is an asshole for setting it up so its your fault if your son gets a bump. There is usually no blame in these situations and even if it is your fault, it's shit of a partner to point that out when you are already kicking yourself so hard for whatever little mistake led to a fall or usually minor injury.

I never did massive child proofing, no socket covers, no stair gates, no fire guard etc. I recall the only thing I did do was put childproof locks on the cupboard under the sink with the medicines and bleach in it. That was it, the rest is common sense. Obviously I didn't put pans or kettles within reach, used the back burners etc but everything else I just supervised and taught. They can easily be taught to come down the stairs themselves backwards and that the fire is "burny, ouch".

Regrettably, I forgot to teach him that it wasn't always a good idea to eat the food waste from the kitchen bin!

I had stair gates, some corner protectors, and some soft mats to cover the wood floor initially. Everything else was supervised and with an element of risk. I think by removing risk rather than teaching them to be careful or what they can/can't do, you are going to cause problems whenever you are out of your home environment. At playgroups, friends houses and all other places you go to, your child will come across sockets, chairs, tables etc that all will be new and fascinating and you won't have taught them the rules or how to be careful.

All 3 of mine prefered cat food to dinner, but I'm very slack....my dining chairs live on top of the table if the smallest is on her own in the living room, one visit to clelsea and West plastics was enough!

Okay people, please tone it down a bit. Saying things like we are 'causing damage to his development' is quite a harsh remark and anyone who is a parent should know what a hurtful thing that is to say (especially when judging the situation from only a paragraph of writing!), never mind insulting my partner who is a brilliant dad, but as I say has very good reason for his worry which I am not about to share online. I was only looking for a second opinion. There are some assumptions being made here.

I never said we use socket protectors for instance, or didn't have a tree. The sockets comment was more about plugged in electrical appliances just left in reach of children. For instance, the Christmas lights. Maybe not dangerous, but they can use the plug itself, inserted the wrong way, to bypass the safety mechanism on British plugs. Our health visitor told us this.

Also, of course someone is always supervising, but you can't have your eyes peeled constantly, whether it's to answer the door or pop to the loo, there's always going to be a moment when the child is unsupervised and does something they shouldn't.

I am unfortunately in the position where I don't have friends with children or anybody at all to casually talk about day to day problems with parenting. I came here for that, not to have a run in with the parenting police!
I won't be replying again.

I child mind and there is a very definite correlation between being overly cautious and children not being able to risk assess as they get older.
In my experience the younger children are taught firm but fair boundaries for behaviour and how to climb, run, avoid obstacles, understand the concept of danger the better.
I would not go overprotective as that can lead to risk adverseness and anxiety in children as they grow older as they have not learnt the basic 'survival' skills when young.
There are some very good articles on children and risky play, this one from Nursery World and this one from The Guardian are worth reading.

All we have is stair gates on the top and bottom (though we already had the one on the bottom for the dog) one on the utility room, and a cupboard lock on the cupboard under the sink (which he can unlock anyway)

There's always someone with him so I don't see the need for anything else, it's just a case of saying "ah ah, don't touch" and eventually they'll learn

DS2(13 months) got his thumb shut in a door a couple of weeks ago and half of his thumb came off - should I take off all the doors??
No, because some things are just normal life and babies have to negotiate them
Of course accidents will happen, but it is massively dickish of your DH to blame you for them, you can't eliminate all risks in life - it's just not possible

We have stair gates, tv tethers and one cupboard lock for the bleach/medicines etc. And I need to fix the chest of drawers in his room to the wall (job for this weekend). Other than that he's got to learn! I was worried about the xmas tree but actually he stuck his hand in it, found it was prickly and hasn't tried since. Our baubles are all cheap so it doesn't really matter anyway.

Wow, ok. This has to be the most mild-mannered thread I've ever seen the OP flounce from....

I've found it helpful to minimise risk in our lounge so I can leave DS briefly to go to the loo or put washing out. He can still climb on the furniture arms or the footstool and I found him sat on top of a 1m cupboard the other day. But the room is carpeted so risk of serious injury is fairly low. There is a gate on the lounge door and we will put a gate at the top of the stairs (tall and steep!) but otherwise we have no other child proofing. He is closely supervised elsewhere as there's a downstairs toilet, kitchen cupboards, cat litter tray and easily accessible glassware!

DS is a climber so we'll be putting a climbing frame in the garden. I feel better going to hospital saying he fell off there rather than off the arm of the sofa

My only concern is ensuring he can't get out of the garden or into the garage. Garage is a climbing hazard and we live on a busy road.

I have toddlers for whom a firm 'no' simply makes no difference whatsoever, and I still would not contemplate removing all risk from their environment. That is unsustainable.

Some things are a given though, like fireguards. I am always at people who state confidently that they have taught their 18 month old that fire is dangerous, so don't need a guard, as I feel no one can know for sure what a toddler might do, and you cannot teach them not to trip over something and land in the fire. People like that always think that those of us who DO baby proof don't teach children about things being dangerous, when in fact we just do both.

My last one was a climber and it was HELL.

If I can open the shutters in a socket by using a socket cover upside down, surely I can do the same thing with a proper plug?

Firstly, you should always ensure that you do not leave any mains device with a plug attached within reach of children.

Secondly, it is possible, but much more difficult, to defeat the safety shutters with a proper plug. There are several reasons for this additional difficulty. The earth pins of socket covers are normally the same size as a plug, but the other pins tend to be between 2mm and 5mm shorter than standard. This means that it is possible to insert an upside down socket cover significantly deeper into the earth socket than is possible with a plug. A plug will always be of rigid construction, so when the shorter pins of an upside down plug hit the surface of the socket, you cannot force it any further. Contrast this with a socket cover which, being of fairly flimsy construction will have a much greater degree of flexibility than a plug, thus allowing an even greater degree of penetration.

Even if you do succeed in opening the shutters with an inverted plug you will find that is much less likely to stay in place than is an inverted socket cover. This is because the penetration, and therefore the resistance to removal, is so much less, and the significantly heavier plug, together with its cable, will tend to fall out. Of course, an inverted plug with the cable going up rather than down will also be much more obvious to an adult. Top_

Sorry OP, I could have said it a bit more sensitively.

You are asking a question in behaviour/development so I answered in terms of his development. In my opinion from the things you said in your OP, it sounds like you are over-childproofing the house to the point that it is interfering with his natural learning.

As a side note, I think it's horribly unfair of your partner to say things like 'how would you feel if....' as it puts all the blame on you. Children inevitably get bumps and bruises. I think it's an unhealthy and unhelpful attitude that would cause me tremendous stress and pressure if my DH said something like that to me.

Children need to learn risk too... you manage it. Falling from the sofa might happen. He is likely to survive it though. Your child will be at a disadvantage if they are not equipped to deal with anything risky or dangerous as he grows up.

Slightly off tangent, and you may not like my mentioning this, OP, but if your dh has special reasons in his past for being over-cautious and/or wanting to assign blame for every accident, then that is his issue, and it's one he needs to address before your lo gets old enough to be affected by it.

We only child-proofed the kitchen cupboards, mainly to protect the china than DS - he is now 17 and most of the child protection is still in place.

OP, I have a daughter of almost the same age (16 months). She also has a tendency to turn the most innocuous things into dangers! She has also just worked out how to climb up on our dining room chairs. You said you would get the tree down when he was old enough to understand instructions - he can do this now. He might not have the language to respond but I bet he understands more than you realize. We have told our daughter she is not to climb on the chairs. She pushes the boundaries but she understands, you can see it in her face. A few days in and she is starting to leave them alone when we give her a stern look and a 'no, we don't climb the chairs.' She has also learned to climb on the sofa so we let her do that and have showed her how to come down backwards and feet first. She now gets up and down safely. If we didn't let her climb, she wouldn't know how to dismount and may hurt herself if she went to someone else's house. I think you have to give them the opportunity to learn to use adult furniture safely. You have to prepare them for the world. I do understand it is hard though, they are a bit crazy at this age and my heart is often in my mouth too!