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Original poster

Ds1 is sat in front of freezing Lamb stew and we are going round and round in circles

51 replies

colditz · 14/02/2007 19:10

Ds- "I am hungry"
Me- "eat your dinner then "
Ds - "I don't want it"
Me "shall I take it away?"
Ds - "No I want it"

Ds "I am thirsty"
me - "Have a drink of water then "
Ds "No, I want a milkshake"
Me "No, because you didn't eat your dinner"
Ds - "I am hungry"
Me - "Eat your dinner then"

I don't care whether he eats it or not! I really don't!. I have offered to reheat it, but he won't have that either.

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Original poster
colditz · 14/02/2007 19:10

I must point out that he is free to walk off and leave it and he knows that.

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Upsadaisy · 14/02/2007 19:12

Aww bless him is he sickening for something?

ScottishThistle · 14/02/2007 19:14

In that situation I always set the egg timer & then that's it in the bin!!!

Original poster
colditz · 14/02/2007 19:14

no he's just being a bugger. We go through something similar every meal. At lunchtime he demanded his lunch back after 10 minutes after saying he wasn't hungry and didn't want it - well, unfortunately I had just cleaned the kitchen up, and I had chucked it.

So I let him have an apple, because fruit isn't rationed at all in our house, but cake is.

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Original poster
colditz · 14/02/2007 19:16

yes i have told him he is going to bed in 5 minutes, even if he is thirsy, or hungry, or needs yet another wee (he willsit on the toilet 2 seconds after pulling his pullup up after the last one, to avoid going to bed)

He wants me to feed him like a baby and I have refused - he is nearly 4.

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MrsGoranVisnjic · 14/02/2007 19:16

set a timer for 10 minutes .. have you got one on oven .. if not use microwave

tell him you'll throw it in bin after 10 mins

northerner · 14/02/2007 19:18

Oh Colditz I sympathise. I have a ds like this too.

DRives me nutty. Best to give them a meal, no comment on how/if eaten, after set time remove. Offer nothing else.

It's hard.

MejustMe · 15/02/2007 01:23

Hiya Colditz,

I went through the same when my DS was 2.6 he would not eat anything always said "I'm not hungry" etc. My mum gave me a good bit of advice....when a child is hungry they will eat, ALSO and this worked wonders...even if it seems harsh. The next meal i dished up after throwing trillions away (ok exagerating there) I dished just one up ...Mine. Ds asked where his was and i told him i hadn't made him one, (it was in the oven). He wanted his dinner then and ate it all....i have never looked back since....I now have a healthy 8 yr old who eats anything and everything put in front of him..

GOOD LUCK and DON'T STRESS XXXX

slim22 · 15/02/2007 07:05

hi, have same model at home. We also get some attitude to get dressed.wants mummy to help with everything.
You are doing it by the book. What else can you do?
If he's hungry he'll eat, if not, a piece of fruit seems OK to me and he'll be hungry for the next meal.Just stick to cooking and offering family meals. Don't get in the spiral of cooking different meal that you know he will eat (not so sure........).
Eventually, he'll be his own little man.
Good luck.

Original poster
colditz · 15/02/2007 09:37

gosh i feel i should point out that he is nearly 41 but you can all be forgiven for thinking he is going through the terrible twos.

sorry my shift key isn't working.

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Original poster
colditz · 15/02/2007 09:40

nearly 4, not nearly 41. that would be very good reason to be ashamed of myself, if he was nearly 41.

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MrsGoranVisnjic · 15/02/2007 09:41

did you give it to him for breakfast then?

NineUnlikelyTales · 15/02/2007 11:46

LOL at the idea of you setting a timer and giving 41 year old 10 minutes to eat his dinner

Original poster
colditz · 15/02/2007 12:45

He is now doing exactly the same thing with his lunch, because I won't pick 'bits' out of it,.I've told him it's going in the bin in 5 minutes, but I am going to have to be so strict now, because I have been really lax lately, and I won't mess around with food.

He is clearly hungry, he is just holding out to see what I will asnd won't do.

He keeps shouting "I'm not eating it then!"

To which I reply "Ok"

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Original poster
colditz · 15/02/2007 12:52

Ok, have now thrown it away, and he is having absolute eruptions

Oh Lord am I doingt he right thing? I have told him he has to wait until teatime not.

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CurlyN · 15/02/2007 12:55

I have in the past taken meals away, stuck them in a container, then served up for next meal (not b/fst though), whilst the rest of family is eating freshly cooked different meal. DS1 now eats anything, yesterday bless him, he cleaned the plate of chilli (he's not into spices) because he REALLY wanted one of the cookies we had baked earlier. ahhh

dejags · 15/02/2007 12:57

We often have this scenario colditz. If, by the time I am ready to pack the dishwasher/wash the dishes they are still dithering about it, I take the plate away (that's normally half an hour after teatime).

Original poster
colditz · 15/02/2007 12:59

But but but am I being cruel, taking his dinner away while he screams "But I am hungry!"

When I know that he was sat in front of it, refusing to eat it, for 30 minutes?

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Original poster
colditz · 15/02/2007 13:02

It was just carrots, broccoli and cauliflower with those Birdeye vegetable fingers. He has had, and enjoyed, all those t5hings before!

It can't be that bad, his 10 monthold brother walloped it down as if he had been starved

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dejags · 15/02/2007 13:03

I am not sure how old your DS is colditz, so this might not apply.

When my DS's refuse to eat their tea (very, very rare with DS1 who is 5 and a little more commonplace with DS2 who 2), I play it by ear.

I know that each of them have some absolutely favourites and that other dishes don't go down as well.

If they haven't eaten anything at all, I usually back down with fruit and possibly a piece of buttered bread.

I just cannot send my kids to be on an empty tummy.

Original poster
colditz · 15/02/2007 13:05

He is nearly 4. He ate his breakfast. If he eats any of his tea at all, I will stick to my guns, but if he balks at that too, he can have an apple.

I am so glad he cannot read!

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CurlyN · 15/02/2007 13:06

No of course not. he's had his chance, he'll learn, meanwhile he's not going to starve to death. and if he does get those hunger pangs. he might just wish he ate his last meal. He's pushing your buttons, and winning. i'd let him have fruit, my choice in maybe an hour(to curb the guilt, my guilt.) bananas are filling.

bambi06 · 15/02/2007 13:11

stick to your guns..hes testing you and dont forget to be consistent as each time it sounds like hes just waiting to see what you will do this time..totally ignore the behaviour..even turn your back physically on him to totally ignore him and make a BIG fuss of your younger one for eating and after the timer goes off[after explaining to him earlier tha t the food will be taken off him when the timer goes!!] dont say a word..just calmly take the food away and get down from th table..dont get into discussion with him and keep repeating this at each meal time....also give him a scrap book with different items of food in it that he will eat and if he eats it ,the item will be stuck in the book and at the end of the week if hes eaten a meal each day without fuss he will earn a reward...its hard to stick to .i know trust e..weve even been on the eating programme at great ormond street hospital so know all the tips on offer!!!!
but remember to give him praise bigtime IF he eats his meal without fussing..good luck

2nervesleft · 15/02/2007 13:14

Colditz you are not being cruel. This is not about food but about control. He's being a normal 4 yr old and testing the boundaries. If he finds you will cook him something different to the family/pick bits out of his lunch then next week he will want you to do something else for him. ad infinitum until you are both thoroughly miserable. Keep on serving him the same as the family and then chucking uneaten food after a reasonable time. My tip is try not to look bovvered. Act all bright and breezy and continue to allow him to eat fruit to curb his hunger til next mealtime (presuming he's not very underweight?).

I have done this with DD 5 and she is much better now - well of course what I mean is we no longer argue over food but now it's what she is going to wear

Othersideofthechannel · 15/02/2007 13:14

Colditz, have been reading this thread with interest as I have this problem on and off with DS (also nearly 4). Just wanted to reassure you that yours is not the only one who lacks independence - DS would happily be spoon fed, refuses to put on his (velcro) shoes by himself etc. His little sis just 2 is far more independent. She wants to do a million things she can't manage safely and he doesn't want to do anything he is perfectly capable of.

Another point, you mention his desire for spoonfeeding. Your DS may want to be a baby still because he has a younger sibling. My DS went through his worse 'big baby' phase when DD was between 6 mo and 1 yr.