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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ds1 is sat in front of freezing Lamb stew and we are going round and round in circles

51 replies

colditz · 14/02/2007 19:10

Ds- "I am hungry"
Me- "eat your dinner then "
Ds - "I don't want it"
Me "shall I take it away?"
Ds - "No I want it"

Ds "I am thirsty"
me - "Have a drink of water then "
Ds "No, I want a milkshake"
Me "No, because you didn't eat your dinner"
Ds - "I am hungry"
Me - "Eat your dinner then"

I don't care whether he eats it or not! I really don't!. I have offered to reheat it, but he won't have that either.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Kelly1978 · 15/02/2007 13:16

I do what curlyN does. If they start playing up I give them a time limit and then I'll serve it up for the next meal rather than bin it. I'd be cross if my food was going in the bin especially if it is something I know they usually eat and there is nothing wrong with them. I NEVER offer alternatives. Maybe I'm mean though!
It does sound so much like a toddler power game. But since he is four, have you tried talking to him about why he doesnt want to eat it?

Miaou · 15/02/2007 13:17

No colditz, I don't think you are being mean. He is saying the one thing that he thinks will stop you from doing anything about it - it's a power struggle which he is trying to win!

Have you tried a reward system? Set the timer for a generous time in which you expect him to eat his meal (say, half an hour), and if he eats it all in that time he gets a sticker/to choose a game/go out to the park/whatever - might that work?

hunkermunker · 15/02/2007 13:25

Argh, not easy, Colditz. Definitely agree it's about control not hunger.

If he says "I'm hungry" just say "eat up then!" and if he says he doesn't want it, tell him that's all there is, set a timer (as already suggested - and tell him briefly that his food will be disappearing when it bleeps, however much he's eaten of it) and leave him to it.

Tell him you'd like to talk about other things than food with him and do just that - ask him about his new shoes, what he can see out of the window, don't mention the food again. Takes the pressure off for both of you then. Talk to DS2 as well, obv.

If he doesn't eat anything before the timer goes, chuck it.

I'm not a big believer in not allowing fruit/yoghurt for pudding if not much dinner's been eaten - so I would probably offer that to both boys, regardless of how much lunch they'd eaten. I don't think either is particularly filling - you can always get a bowl and a big pot of yog and dole out a small bit to DS1 if you think he is filling himself up on yoghurt.

hunkermunker · 15/02/2007 13:26

Actually, don't tell him you want to talk about things other than food - just do it!

ScottishThistle · 15/02/2007 13:39

Not at all cruel, you must be consistent otherwise he thinks you won't do what you say you will.

Children need a lot less food than we think, he won't starve so don't feel guilty!

Othersideofthechannel · 15/02/2007 13:40

It can be really hard to think of things to say at mealtimes when they are not eating much. I try to talk about their pictures which are all over the kitchen walls.

throckenholt · 15/02/2007 13:42

I can sympathise - I have twins who are just 4 and this scenario is horribly familiar.

It is just a phase, it is just a phase, it is just a phase ........ (nope - it isn't helping me much either )

Original poster

colditz · 15/02/2007 13:50

Update.

He threw a major wob and had to be put into his bedroom where he screamed himself silly.

I have just given him an apple and a drink of milk - 2pm is milk and fruit time at playschool and I try to keep it going at jhome too.

I wonder if it's because it's half term?

OP posts:

Original poster

colditz · 15/02/2007 13:52

I don't really do puddings anyway, to be honest, and certainly not after lunch. He is more chuffed with his apple than he ever has been before though, even if he is biting it into letter shapes

thanks for the back up guys

OP posts:

alison222 · 15/02/2007 13:52

DA at 4 was very similar. Eventually I had enough and did exactly what you are now doing. I gave him dinner, let him eat (helped cut it up if needed) and if after everyoe had finished and sufficient time left afterwards, I t hrew it out. He ratned and raved for a few days until he realised that I meant it and that this was going to keep on happening. He started to eat normally again after that.
He still has days where he doesn't eat much (6.5) now and days where you would think he had been starved for months he eats so much.

He is tall and skinny for his age but seems to self regulate well enough once I let go of my hangups long enough to let him eat or not.

I still get him coming to the table and looking at it and walking away btw, and my relpy is usually something like he needs to come and sit down with everyone else and if it doesn't get eaten it will go in the bin. I also suggest if he is too tired and grumpy to eat perhaps he would like to go to bed. He usually eats soem or all of it at this point.

I would also like to say DD (4) has never really done the protest thing. she eats if she is hungry and not if she isn't but tells me she isn't hungry/full up or whatever and means it too.

sazzybee · 15/02/2007 13:53

If he wants you to feed him, is part of it about him wanting help like his brother gets do you think? Being 'babyish' to get attention?

alison222 · 15/02/2007 13:53

DS even - I really must preview before posting

Original poster

colditz · 15/02/2007 13:56

That does seem logical doesn't it sazzybee - except that ds2, aged 10 months, is almost entirely self feeding! he just picks it up and rams it in!

OP posts:

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 14:11

so, were meal times the same before half term?

Original poster

colditz · 15/02/2007 14:12

No, this seems to be a relatively new development. Just these past few days.

OP posts:

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 14:18

So, maybe, just maybe, he could be coming down with something, and off his food for a reason, being difficult, I don't know. but i do know if my little chappie isn't eating, pushing it around his plate, somethings up. Don't stress. I also find that with my 2 DS if it's illness they will be more than happy with fruit and yogurts. Maybe try light lunches and dinners of food they enjoy for a couple of days.

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 14:19

which is what Upsadaisy thought.

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 14:21

nowt worse than battling over food, then DC chucking up. I always feel awful, I should have noticed something.

Original poster

colditz · 15/02/2007 18:43

Result

Dinner (battered fish, noodles, cauli and broc) wolfed in record time, with many appreciative noises, no moaning or demanding

OP posts:

Original poster

colditz · 15/02/2007 18:44

He'd tell me if he felt sick though, and I wasn't making him eat it, I just wouldn't give him anything else or mess around with it

OP posts:

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 19:31

really pleased for you.

Miaou · 15/02/2007 20:20

oh excellent colditz! Well done for sticking to your guns (I know how hard it can be where food is concerned )

2nervesleft · 15/02/2007 20:23

Well done Colditz!!
I bet you both feel better tonight.

Word of warning though, you have won the battle......the war is something else altogether.

sazzybee · 15/02/2007 20:26

Excellent

Original poster

colditz · 15/02/2007 20:33

BUT

Now I know that when he is hungry enough he will eat, I will never worry about him starving himself again.

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