Is it better to give your DC's sweet things so that they are not forbiden and they don't become become obssessed about them?

[josben]

My DS2 went to a party last weekend and when all the food came out he went straight for the choc biscuits and cakes. I know most children would've done this also but he was obsessively filling his plate with these things! I try not to give my DC's sweets or cakes but now i'm wondering if I'm right as his friends who seem to have unlimited sweet things at home, really didn't seem as bothered with the sweets or cakes...?? My Mum never allowed us sweets or choc when we were growing up and I must admit that I now have a really sweet tooth - (one of the reasons I don't have any sweet stuff in our house...)

Anything forbidden becomes more attractive. I am pretty relaxed about sweets etc and DS (5) is also pretty relaxed. Only eats ones he really likes and is fussy about chocolate too.

Everything in moderation I would say.....

Though I think some people do have a "sweet tooth" - my dad does and my dd is a bit obsessed even though sweets are not forbidden - but are restricted

I always say everything in moderation too.

Another in moderation.

my friend who had grown up children did not let them near mcdonalds - as soon as they had their own money they went there at the weekends - sometimes twice a day. From this I have decided to let everything happen in moderation and to make them aware of foods being not healthy but okay once in a while.

Making your own cakes and biscuits means you have more of an idea what is in them - but easier said than done in my case!

Another one for moderation. I was determined ds wouldn't be allowed cakes and sweets, but then thought that I always had them when I was a child and crips as well - not excessively, but occasionally. I think children need lots of energy if they're hyper (as I was) and it hasn't done me any lasting damage...

Another one for moderation here. We just make it a part of our balanced diet. You need some fat & oils in your diet -- just not much . We try and teach them that cakes/cookies aren't evil, just don't have as much good stuff (vitamins, etc) as meat, dairy, fruit, veg. So you only need a little.

This afternoon we're baking -- after all the snow playing this morning. Schools closed.

Like everyone else is saying in moderation.

I will say my SIL wouldn't allow her eldest child any sweets when she was younger, so when she is giving any sweet she will just eat all them at once. For example she was given a large bag of buttons and she wouldn't share with anyone and just stuffed the whole lot until she was ill.

Her sister has been allowed sweets as their mum has become a more relaxed about food and she can take or leave them.

We don't make a big thing about sweet stuff. We do talk to our children about general nutrition and the various food groups and possible effects on health.

A hoary old nanny speaks:

IME the children with the healthiest diet tend to be the ones spending longest at the party table, shovelling in the Jammie Dodgers and fairy cakes.

I look after three kids who are not allowed sweets/cakes/biscuits/chocolate etc unless it's a special occasion. Am now a childminder so it's a bit tough on us all at times.

Hm, I would think everything in moderation is fine, but, if you can avoid giving them sweet things when Babys and young Toddlers then I think that is a good thing....but as they grow up it would be harder to avoid.
When I was lil there wasn't really a no -sweet policy in our house and my sis can take or leave it, whereas I am a chocoholic anyway.
An aunt of mine never used to allow sweet things for her Kids, and they are now, 18y. and 20y. old and they are obcessed with it....
I think, if you are going to become a chocolholic or not doesn't just depend on the fact if it was allowed or not allowed when a child, but probably depends as much on the fact if we have a "addictive" nature...but that is just my homebrewed theory, lol.

At one of my DD's parties one of her friends stuffed her face with chocolate, cakes and crisps, it was really noticable and she was at the table beyond everyone else. I think they should be allowd in moderation because many children who are not allowed at all really make up for it when they have there own maoney to spend.

We don't have sweets or chocolates at home for the kids, although if someone gives them some that's ok. DS1 (5.5) has so far not got obsessed by it - last Easter he didn't even bother finishing the Easter Egg given to him by his grandparents, and I don't think he finished his chocolate Advent calendar even. We do have biscuits and cake though once or twice a week. DS2 too young to know. That food program last week with Jan Raven indicated that restricting treat food made it more tempting than not restricting it. Depends on the child as well, I guess.

Yep, very much in favour of sweet things in moderation. IMO the more contraband you make something, the greater its allure.

My little brother had a party when he was about 6...and invited a little girl who wasn't allowed cakes,sweets etc at home.She stuffed her face with anything sweet at the party and then was trying to empty her party bag secretly before her mum knew was in there and could take them away.
It was a real forbidden fruit kind of thing...and the hiding of them was a bit worrying i thought.
Yep...i'm for moderation too.

Another "all things in moderation" person. My children can choose their after school snack. Somedays they choose cheese, some days fruit, some days a small bag of sweets, some days biscuits, some days sliced ham, some days a yoghurt etc
It is completely up to them and I can honestly say that they choose the healthier options just as often as sweets & biscuits.

We feed our kids with "real" food before parties, and let them eat junk.

I think it's just cruel to take a kid to a party and deny them what others are having.

In my observation, this is worst with nannies who seem to get hard line instructions from the parents. Harder lines than I believe the parents enforce personally.

Party bags however are "managed", and the nutritional Chernobyl is kept in a bag to be enjoyed after a finsihed dinner in small amounts.
We started that policy when the kids were 2ish, and they just accept it as normal. One day there will be a big fight over this

None of us need sugar at all and some people are addicted to it. Others can take it or leave it. My mother didn't like sweet things, full stop. Some people can't get enough of it. Some children are sugar addicts. What we have tended to do is not buy any or many sweet things at home because there's no need but not ban them and anyway as children get older that's impossible. That seems to have worked quite well.

They say refined sugar (sucrose) is more addictive than cocaine for some people.

I'm with you bugsy, I do the same. My DD gets to choose: small bag of buttons, small bag of crisps, tiny can of coke, fruit, yogurt, crackers, scones. She actually chooses strawberries but the option is there. You can't deny them all the time. You just have to limit the damage.

Actually xenia, that's not strictly true. Glucose is the obligatory energy substrate for brain metabolism. Therefore we do need sugar.

I reckon the odd bickie/cake/whatever here and there within a healthy diet does no harm.

Was once at a party where someone wouldn't let her DS have a slice of the birthday cake. Instead she went to her bag and got him some home-made oat and apricot munchies.

They looked delicious and very nutritious, but the poor little thing was crest-fallen. Seemed a bit rotten to insist when all the rest of the LOs were tucking in.

I was watching a programme last night on children and food.
One of the experiments it showed was taken two healthy snacks which the children in class liked equally which were dried mango and raisins.
The children were allowed both at snack time for 2 weeks, but the teacher forbade the children from eating the raisins first so making them forbidden fruit. By the end of the 2 weeks the majority of the children were literally fighting over the raisins and said they were their favorite.

So banning things just makes the child want them more. The answer was just don't have these things in the house most of the time.

The other experiment was on children whose parents claimed they became hyperactive on suger.
The children were taken to 2 parties one where healthy food was served and the other where it was just cakes, fizzy, biscuit. However the parents were shown the other food when they arrived so they thought their child was eating healthy when they had been gorging on suger all afternoon and vice versa.

The parties were also very different styles. The party where the children ate all suger the parents reported them calm, and after the healthy party the children claimed they were hyperactive from all the suger!
They were very suprised when told how much suger their children had eaten at the supposed healthy party.

The programme is on demand on NTL if anyone is interested.

Susie Orbach says it is best to be as relaxed and as neutral over food as you possibly can be to avoid eating disorders in later life, and that seems to make sense to me. Therefore, I just explain to my kids that they NEED more of the healthy stuff to make them fit and well and LESS of the other stuff, which might taste very nice but doesn't actually do anything healthy for them (and rots their teeth) - but I try hard as I can not to demonise certain foods. They have a reasonably healthy diet, I think, and I'd rather they ate chocolate or biscuits than any kind of economy meat product, fruit shoots (!!!) or fizzy drinks.

I almost never eat sugar because I simply don't like sweet things. We did have moderate amounts of puddings/cakes/ biscuits when I was little, which I always enjoyed, but now I would never choose to eat something sweet when I could have something savoury. You tend to grow out of a sweet tooth, don't you?

Well actually I'm going to go against the grain a bit here. When I was small we lived in Asia where there was very little in the way of junk food or confectionary, so I basically never had any. Even ice cream was pretty much unavailable and when it was available it was yukky. There were fizzy drinks like Coke and 7up but my mother had a thing about teeth and so I was only ever allowed to drink them at birthday parties, mine and other people's.

Fast forward a few years and we arrive back in the UK. The choice in junk food is amazing. My mum is still not keen on sweets but we are allowed chocolate in moderation plus we have biscuits in the house. I quite naturally want to try sweets like all my schoolfriends have so buy the occasionally one. And hate them. Ditto fizzy drinks, to this day I can't finish a can of Coke. All that not having it around had trained my palate towards "healthier" food and I found the cloying sweetness pretty disgusting.

Maybe it's because nothing was really actively banned so there was nothing to rebel against, but I (or my sisters) never stuffed our faces with sweets at parties or went out of our way to fill up on junk. I am a bit of a chocoholic now but only became one when breastfeeding

The way I see it is to direct young taste buds in he right direction rather than labelling any food as pure evil and banning it. My DD hasn't yet had any junk but then she's still only 18mo. I expect she will be more and more exposed to it as she gets older, but I'm not going to get too uptight about it, I just won't have it at home so it'll only ever be a treat when we're out.

BTW, in defence of Xenia, we in fact don't need refined sugar as in sucrose. Glucose is obtained by the body from carbohydrates in general, such as fruit, bread, pasta etc. Plenty of natural sugar in fruit but with the added bonus of vitamins and minerals, unlike sweets.

Something I find puzzling is the fact that babies and children seem made for sweet things. Breast milk is sweet and first teeth are meant to fall out. Is this just coincidence? As we get older most people (not all, I know) seem to prefer more savoury foods.