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Original poster

Oh please please help me with dd2 (4)'s sleeping before I put my head on the desk and weep

56 replies

EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:43

She wakes up approx 3 times a night - I don't think she is awake tbh - and comes into our bed

I take her back, two hours later she appears again. She often says that she has had a nightmare.

I have tried:
a) letting her sleep in our bed (she would love to do this every night but I don't WANT her in my bed every night)
b) putting her straight back to bed (cries) and laying with her (knackering for me)
c) getting very cross and sending her away to settle herself back to sleep (HATE this)
d) dh, against my advice, even tried a sticker chart (no effect at all except to upset her in the morning when she doesn't get a sticker)
e) putting a clock/nightlight in her room so she knows wht time to get up (she ignores them)

I don't want to upset her if she is really strugglign with a nightmare BUT this disturbed sleep is really killing me.

Any help or sympathy gratefully received.

OP posts:
PandaG · 07/02/2007 10:48

no advice, as you have done everything I would have suggested.

I can give you some heartfelt sympathy though!

Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:49

ta

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 10:51

aarggh you poor thing!

is she on her own in her bedroom or is she sleeping with one of her sisters?

soph28 · 07/02/2007 10:52

TBH I know it's not what you want to hear but I think it's a habit and you need to break it. That means you will probably have to be quite tough and it will be very hard for maybe 3 or 4 nights. I'm sure it will be worth it when you're all getting a good night's sleep though.

What actually happens? Does she wake up crying? Does she need the toilet?

I think you have to just put her straight back in her own bed. The first time explain to her that it is still night time and she needs to go to bed, mummy loves you, kiss and leave. 2nd time- much quicker- just a quick kiss and a night night. Third time- no talking etc. You get the idea.

It will be hard but eventually she'll realsise there's no point in gettingout of bed if she doesn't get any attention for it.

Hassled · 07/02/2007 10:52

I had the same with DS3(4) and in the end just threw in the towel and let him get in with me - most of the time I wouldn't even notice and would just wake in the morning to find him there. The only thing that broke the habit was giving him kids' night cough medicine for a few nights (he did genuinely have a cough!) which knocked him out so much he didn't wake. Now I sort of miss having him in with me!

Porpoise · 07/02/2007 10:52

Do you think she's really having nightmares?
Or has she just got into the habit of waking up?

Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:54

I don't know! thats the problem. If I thought it was 'just' a habit I wold be tougher

I have considered just having her in with me but...then dd1 gets furious as she feels it is a special treat...

arrrrrrrrgh

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 07/02/2007 10:54

Enid my dd also 4 comes up to our bed about twice a week, usually when she wakes up and goes for a wee in the night. I generally let her sleep in our bed as I am too lazy to take her back down.

We went through a phase of her doing it every night recently and tbh the only way we could stop her was to do a sticker chart with a really good reward if she stayed in bed for 3 nights (i took her to the cinema with her best friend)

What reward were you offering? Maybe some serious bribery would be in order?!

Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:55

20p per star

she has always been 'bribe averse'

OP posts:
MrsWednesday · 07/02/2007 10:55

I've had a similar problem with my DS1 (also 4).

Here's my thread:

sleep problems

We've given him a cuddly toy (a dog with a hot water bottle in the middle) that he now takes to bed with him to cuddle. I've told him that doggy is there to look after him in the night so he doesn't have to come and wake mummy and daddy up.

It's made a bit of a difference - I won't say we've cracked it but this, combined with a star chart, has definitely improved it.

foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 10:56

put her in with dd1

Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:56

I COULD offer a really fab gift

but then she would be soooooooooooooo gutted if she didn't get it - I don't think she is really awake at these times and has much control over it

OP posts:
charlieq · 07/02/2007 10:56

I think it might eventually work to stick with c) and d).

DS did this for several months aged 3. I went bonkers.

For some reason, after continual use of c) and d) tactic which didn't seem to be working, he just stopped doing this after we came back home from Xmas (could be that abrupt changes of scene kind of knocked him out of it.)

ejt1764 · 07/02/2007 10:56

I did a combination of (b) - but stayed with him for 2 minutes only, (e) - nightlight very effective and (c) - he has a bunny clock and I get very cross if he comes out of his room before it wakes up.

He also has d - a sticker chart - but the sleeping through (I don't count toilet trips as waking), and staying in room until the rabbit wakes up are separate stamps ...

It works for us ... but we had to get mean for a few nights to make it happen (and we made a plan and stuck to it for a few nights too)

Good luck!

ejt

Porpoise · 07/02/2007 10:57

OK, maybe she needs help seeing her bedroom as a 'safe' place to sleep.
Could you turn her pillow over to turn the nightmares away? Or some other similar ritual?

Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:57

oooooooooooooooh foxy that is the 64 million dollar question

I WANT to put her in with dd3 - in dd1's bedroom (v big)

but this entails moving dd1 to dd2s bedroom which she steadfastly refuses to do

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 07/02/2007 10:57

Well surely that is the point? If she was really soooo gutted then you can say well if you do stay in bed the next few nights then you WILL get it.

My dd wouldn't scratch her nose for 20p tbh! (she doesn't understand money really yet)

CountessDracula · 07/02/2007 10:58

Alos I don't buy that she doesn't know what she's doing sorry!

Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:58

but I dont think she is really aware of what she is doing cd

but will try it (sigh)

OP posts:
Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 10:59

well dh agrees with you

(am an official Soft Touch (TM))

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 07/02/2007 11:00

The other thing that usually works with dd is implying that another child is naughty and she is good (she is SUCH a girly swot that this works)

So I might say

Chloe's mum told me that Chloe is SO naughty, she won't go to bed and keeps getting up in the night. I'm so glad you are SUCH a good girl and don't do that to me

Cue smug simpering from dd, then a gentle reminder at bedtime (ooh you are such a GOOD GIRL compared to Chloe) does the trick

CountessDracula · 07/02/2007 11:01

I think that this has more effect than the chart tbh

twoisenoughmum · 07/02/2007 11:09

My DS (aged 3.4) is in this same phase atm. I'm going to throw the cat in among the pigeons here, and I can understand you not wanting her in bed with you every night, but why fight it so hard? You'll all sleep much better if she just comes in and sleeps with you. I look at it like this: for whatever reason, he wants to be with me in the night. To turn him away seems so hard and unfeeling. Sometimes he comes in, sometimes he sleeps through all night. Lately he went 3 whole weeks without getting up at all (after months of getting up nearly every night) and I thought we'd turned a corner. Just lately he's been ill and has started coming in again, but I know its just a phase and he will grow out of it. Maybe sooner rather than later if I don't make a big fuss about it. They are little for such a short time ...

Btw I didn't co-sleep with him when he was a baby and he was always a good sleeper. Because of this I feel he has a genuine need for me in the night at this time in his life (ie. it isn't some long ingrained insecurity) and I am happy to be there for him when he needs me.

Just another pov.

Original poster
EnidLloydFoxe · 07/02/2007 11:10

I have considered it

in fact will prob do it tonight to get some kip

BUT it upsets dd1 as dd2 tends to mention it int he morning

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 11:15

I found shoving ds and dd together completely stopped either of them waking up with 'bad dreams'.

Could you come up with some sort of incentive to get dd1 into dd2's room? Perhaps a new duvet cover or something like that?