Am I wrong to refuse my 5 month DS feeds during the night??

[henrybaba]

In attempt to get my first full nights sleep since last August, I have decided (in consultation with DH) to try to limit the number of feeds I give my DS during the night.... but am seeking reassurance, or advice otherwise, as we don't really know what we are doing!!

I have been exclusively breast feeding DS - to the point where he absolutely refuses to bottle feed (but that's another story!) He is still waking up anytyhing between 1 and 4 times per night and my natural reacton is to feed him as I know it will send him straight back to sleep - but I have decided that I need to break the cycle.

I have just started giving him some rice in the mornings as we think he is hungry. I have decided that from tonight I will only feed him once during the night and if he wakes up more than once I will just try to get him back to sleep without the food - I just know the result is going to be a very upset baby and a very guilty mummy....

Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone else have experience of this working?? How long will it take for him to adjust?? Am I a bad mummy for starving him??? Help!!

henrybaba- btw - my ds strontly resisted a bottle (won't take a dummy either) but I tried the tommy tippee closer to nature teats and they worked a treat (he still prefers mummy though !

i don't think 5 months is too early if lo isn't waking. but if lo is waking then i would still feed in the in the night for another month before trying to get him to sleep through.

I think the thing that gets me the most is the unpredictability of my nights. I wouldn't mind if ds woke twice every night at approx same times for a feed but I never know how long I am going to be permitted to sleep. Did you manage to feed once in the night? My ds woke 2 hourly on Sunday night, but only twice for 10mins each last night. On adive from my hv (who actually visited), I was advised to wean gradually onto three small meals a day and obviously keep up milk intake (bf) as required. It has made bugger all difference to his waking but he does love his food so I was right to begin weaning at 5 mths. Motherhood is so confusing isn't it? And to think I have done this all before with dd!

henrybaba- are your nights different every time?

Hi Cruisemum - sounds like you are going through exactly the same as me - very comforting to read!
Although DS slept all the way through on Sunday night, last night he woke at midnight and 5am - not too bad though. Both times I BF and he did seem hungry as he fed for almost 40 minutes at midnight and is normally a guzzler who doesnt feed for more than 10 minutes.
And yes, it is all so confusing! Oh well, we learn a bit each day.... and I wouldn't give it up for the world!

ditto your sentiments! Mind you, I would love a bit more sleep

In defence of Leahs mum, it's how it used to be done. Definately 40 years ago, mothers had 7-10 days in hospital, regimented 4 hourly feeds and babies sent to a nursery at night and mostly not fed. It's not the ideal but I doubt it's harmful (I know lots of 40+ year olds not affected)

On the sleeping....
no1 child was 4 hourly from the moment she was born and slept through from 12 weeks (8-8)
no2 3 hourly - slept through from 6 weeks
no3 fed every 90 mins but slept 7-7 from 2 weeks
no4 slept through from night one and fed 2-3 hourly
This wasn't anything I did either, just happened

As long as baby is getting enough food in 24 hours, I don't see the problem in them only feeding for 12 hours a day

I agree breast milk is more calorific than baby rice but baby rice or pureed veg is heavier and takes longer to digest and will keep baby sated for longer so I can see why this is suggested to help a baby sleep longer. I know about the guidlines but I don't concur that all babies can wait 6 months for solid food as all babies develop at very different rates

At the risk of going off at a tangent, to agree with bigbird's comment, I don't think my DS could have waited until he was six months for solids. I started solids for different (medical) reasons, but when he was 5 months, before I started solids, he started wanting two extra milk feeds a day. By 6 months he was taking around 35oz of a milk a day plus two good lots of solids, and he's not a big baby. I dread to think how often he'd have woken without any solids at all. As you say bigbird, every baby is different.

As others have suggested Henrybaba, I'd try moving the baby rice to late afternoon/early evening once you're happy your DS is digesting it OK. It might just help reduce the waking a bit.

bigbird/twinkle - my ds - would defo not have wanted to wait until 6mths.he is 5mths and just began weaning a couple of weeks ago. He looovvves his food and gets so excited when he sees his bowl coming -it's hilarious . I did intend to wait but he wouldn't let me .
Also second the every baby is different vein. My beautious dd (now 9yo) was a dream baby . slept 7 - 7 from 9 weeks and two two hour naps per day on a good day. My ds..... the absolute juxtaposition!

WEll, last night I soothed my (4 1/2 month old) DD to sleep every time she woke after 3 a.m, whereas usually Id breastfeed her back to sleep. I did this because I <span class="italic">knew</span> she was feeding more frequently in the night than she was in the day. She went back to sleep immediately each time. But she did wake every hour after 3am. I dont know if I did the right thing, but Im making sure shes feeding more in the day today. I read on Dr Sears website that its called reverse cycling where she takes up most of the calories in the night. DD hates breastfeeding in the day, because she doesnt want to miss anything. I literally have to lie on the bed with her in a quiet room to get her to concentrate. If Im out an about, shell happily go 5 hours without wanting to feed (even if I offer). I hope that with her eating more in the day today, shell sleep a longer stretch tonight. Ill let you know.

sakura - how did you soothe? my ds wakes for comfort suck but will not be fobbed off by soothing! how did you do it? did she object? how long did it take each time?

Sakura, oh yes that not wanting to miss anything thing - DS STILL does this!

It really riles me when people say 'they won't starve themselves' thats not the point. I want DS to get at least 90% of his calories between 7am and 7pm, with maybe a breif top up feed at 11pm.

Its very hard being with an active and curios baby all day AND then getting woken up at night.

I think the best method is the gradual weaning off of ngiht feeds. My basic rule was always offer milk at his first waking, then if he'd had a 7oz bottle at one point in the night i know he isn't starving if he wakes up a second time and can soothe him without milk.

My soothing technique was gentle rocking and lullabies until sleepy then put DS in his cot and stand by the door repeating the lullabies until he was asleep. That way he wasn't getting dependant on me being there to go back to sleep - which would have just as much disruption to my sleep patterns as if he needed a drink!

Sunnyjim (LOVE the username- reminds me of my grandad). I think theyre called distractable babies. Theyre a nightmare, arent they. NOt feeding in the day, and up all night. But then I suppose its good that they are so curious. Im trying the night weaning the same as you did, by feeding her as she wakes in the beginning of the night, then soothing after 3a.m.

Cruisemum, To get her off to sleep in the first place for naps or in the evening, I use anything possible. Sling, rocking, singing, feeding, pram.
But in the middle of the night, she sleeps in my room and, (unconventional, I know), I used my index finger as a makeshift dummy and she just dropped back of to sleep immediately. She seemed to just suck herself back to sleep straight away.

But anyway, last night she kept waking every hour again after 3pm. Still dont think shes hungry, but she had very short naps yesterday, and they say better naps makes them better night sleepers. So I will give it one more go tonight after making sure she has good naps today. And lots of milk. If it doesnt work tonight, Im just going to give up and go back to feeding her back to sleep. It might change by itself in a few weeks.

This thread makes me laugh, how things changed. Both my children slept through by 3 months, they just stopped waking up for feeds. Son started waking again by 14 weeks. HV suggested weaning him then (in those days advice was 4 months)

Weaned son as advised,he went right back to sleeping through the night and loved his food. A very content little baby.

Same happened with daughter, although she was starting to lose weight, so weaned at 3 and half months.

There was no way he could have waited until he was 6 months to be weaned. He was deperate for food then grabbing spoons and taking interest in food etc

have babies really changed that much in 11 years!!!

christy - I agree with you. My ds is weaning now (5mths). Theere is no way he wanted to wait till 6 mths. My dd is 9 and when she was a baby the guideline was 4mths and she is happy, healthy, eats ANYTHING, hasnt developed any allergies etc. etc.
ds has started sleeping better (not entirely sure this is connected) but............

I have a ds that at 5 months woke when he felt like it to be fed day and night and now at 9 months he sleeps either all night or wakes once it just happened all by itself.

I think the thing so shocing about a baby less than a week old sleeping through the night is that it was encouraged to by no night feeds at all just water. I just really honestly do not understand babies wake up day and night it is what we expect them to do so why on earth try and force a tiny baby who has no idea what nightime is yet to sleep through is bizarre.

I was lucky with dd she was a good sleeper from about 6 weeks up once in 12 hours, from 3 months slept 12 hours a few nights a week the rest up once, I fed her in the night until she was 8-9 months old and the night waking became more sporadic so I just settled her back down.

I think personally 5 months is a bit young to be stopping night feeds I would leave it a few months and see if it settles down on it's own.

adah - what was the turning point?