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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am I wrong to refuse my 5 month DS feeds during the night??

92 replies

henrybaba · 04/02/2007 20:27

In attempt to get my first full nights sleep since last August, I have decided (in consultation with DH) to try to limit the number of feeds I give my DS during the night.... but am seeking reassurance, or advice otherwise, as we don't really know what we are doing!!

I have been exclusively breast feeding DS - to the point where he absolutely refuses to bottle feed (but that's another story!) He is still waking up anytyhing between 1 and 4 times per night and my natural reacton is to feed him as I know it will send him straight back to sleep - but I have decided that I need to break the cycle.

I have just started giving him some rice in the mornings as we think he is hungry. I have decided that from tonight I will only feed him once during the night and if he wakes up more than once I will just try to get him back to sleep without the food - I just know the result is going to be a very upset baby and a very guilty mummy....

Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone else have experience of this working?? How long will it take for him to adjust?? Am I a bad mummy for starving him??? Help!!

OP posts:

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BonyM · 04/02/2007 21:29

Moondog is right - breastmilk is more calorific than baby rice. If he's hungry then he needs more milk, not solids.

A lot of HV's talk a load of rubbish ime.

I would continue to feed in the night, BUT, if he doesn't seem to be taking much at any particular feed then you could maybe try to cut that one out by reducing the time you feed him by a minute each night (assuming he's feeding at roughly the same times each night).

If he's not taking much milk then he's probably just relying on the sucking for comfort to help him get back to sleep. Have you tried a dummy?

Astrophe · 04/02/2007 21:30

No, you are not being selfish for wanting sleep...(I'd give my eye teeth for 6 hours straight!...and I've started threds like this myself), I just wonder if you may be disapointed with the results of any sleep training techniques as he is still very young etc.

My HV also told me my ds was waking due to hunger, and whilst starting solids worked like magic for a couple of weeks, it had no long term effect. I'm not saying you shouldn't try baby rice (although tbh, with the benefit if hind sight I wish I hadn't started my ds at 4 1/2 months on advice of hv), or that you shouldn't try settling rather than feeding - I think those are both absolutely fine things to do, and they just might help...I guess what I'm saying is, don't expect too much, and don't be too disapointed if it doesn't work, because lots of babies wake lots of times in the night until they are 1 year and beyond.

Best of luck to you though

hunkeydorey · 04/02/2007 21:32

Haven't read what everyone else has put, but I very rarely refused my kids a feed. Ds was still fed more or less on demand right up until I stopped feeding him at 2 years. He still fed at night as well.

Personally, I would keep your ds in the bed with you, stick him on the boob when he's hungry and make sure you all get some sleep.

DizzyBint · 04/02/2007 21:34

did you bf leahsmum?

Astrophe · 04/02/2007 21:34

leahsmum - you are very lucky
I'm glad for you, but those whos babies don't sleep well need to see that for what it is...luck.

I had a wonderful sleeper (when dd was a baby)

Now I have a terrible sleeper (ds).

Good luck...bad luck!

Twinklemegan · 04/02/2007 21:36

Just to clarify my earlier post - I'm not advocating increasing solids deliberately to reduce night wakings. We just seem to have been lucky - he's taking enough milk and food during the day to see him through the night. Wasn't planned.

blueshoes · 04/02/2007 21:41

Astrophe, to add to your point, babies who are bad sleepers can turn into wonderful sleepers as toddlers if they are allowed to mature in their own time.

That is my dd. Took 17 months.

yomellamoHelly · 04/02/2007 21:51

Ds2 is 7 weeks tomorrow and I haven't fed him between 11:30 and 7:00 for the last week - so it doesn't sound wrong to me. That said I wouldn't stop his night-feeding immediately. (It has taken me 5 weeks to get to this stage and I do spend the day filling him up with milk (he gets 5 feeds a day and isn't given the chance to get hungry).)
I started by gradually extending the amount of time between feeds at night by 15 minutes each night. Then when I'd pushed it as far as getting to just one feed in the night I started reducing the amount of boob time. Finally (when I got to between 5 and 10 minutes) I started giving a dummy instead. Am currently down to shush patting and hope the night-waking habit'll soon stop.

Astrophe · 04/02/2007 21:54

ah blueshoes...the light at the end of the tunnle. Thanks.

leahsmum · 04/02/2007 21:55

I breastfed for the first 3 days then onto formula (much to my despair) I offered water in the night and the first night she woke for it the next night she must'v realised that she it wasnt worth her while getting up for water.

I really was lucky that she was such a good sleeper. Preg with no2 - due in 10 days and I really hope for another contented little sleeper (fat chance of 2 the same!!)

frances5 · 04/02/2007 22:27

Having a baby wake four times a night is no fun at all. Its as bad as having a newborn.

Admitally its not realistic to expect a solid twelve hours, but you should be able to get a 5 hour block. I found a brilliant book is "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantsey. It tells you how to teach your child to settle themselves in a loving fashion.

I can understand why you are temped to restort to controlled crying, but it is nothing more than a short term fix. I did controlled crying with my son when he was 14 months old and it was the biggest parenting mistake of my life. He did sleep through the night within 3 days, but it made him very insecure about going to bed.

It has taken two to three years to undo the damage of controlled crying. Thankfully my son now goes to bed happy and easily.

Twiglett · 04/02/2007 22:32

sorry am I the only one who is totally shocked at the thought of a 4 day old infant being refused feeds during the night

I'm not a lynch mob and appreciate it depends on what you mean by 'night' ie are you talking 7 till 7 or 12 till 6 or what? but I have never ever read any advice anywhere that would back up that that is a sensible thing to do for a newborn

I am surprised there hasn't been a lynch mob tbh ..

Twinklemegan · 04/02/2007 22:36

I have to admit I was surprised Twiglett. I think Leahsmum's DD must be a very unusual case indeed. I suppose if she needed the feeds she'd have kept on crying for them? I definitely wouldn't have been able to stop my DS from feeding in the night - he wouldn't have let up until he was fed.

misdee · 04/02/2007 22:37

why not offer feeds at night[am i thick emotionican] [puzzled] especially at 4 days old

leahsmum · 04/02/2007 22:47

Usually from about 11.30pm till 7am. She obviously got enough milk during the day to sustain her. If she had persisted obviously I would have fed her but as it happened after the first night she didnt bother getting up in the night again. MW and HV had no objections whatsoever - in their opinions if it meant a full nights sleep for baby and me then why not.

misdee · 04/02/2007 22:48

how odd. i was told i must feed during the night as otherwise baby would be too sleepy to feed during the day.

emkana · 04/02/2007 22:49

twig, I am with you.

In fact I will stick my neck out and say that I think this is shocking and wrong.

leahsmum · 04/02/2007 22:50

my dd was not too sleepy to feed during the day - she always woke spot on every four hours for her feeds.

leahsmum · 04/02/2007 22:50

my dd was not too sleepy to feed during the day - she always woke spot on every four hours for her feeds.

emkana · 04/02/2007 22:51

I'm sure I have read that in the first few weeks babies should feed through the night to keep their blood sugar levels stable. Also because their stomachs are so tiny, they need food little and often.

misdee · 04/02/2007 22:52

4hours on the dot at 4days?

thats worrying as well (sorry!!)

i'm very surprised that the HV and mw agreed tbh.

[puzzled]

leahsmum · 04/02/2007 22:52

Well I'm sure if your dc didnt wake in the night you wouldnt get up every couple of hours to feed them if they werent bothering about them. After all they do say a sleep is as good as a feed.

leahsmum · 04/02/2007 22:53

yes every 4 hours - obviously not on the dot - they dont have built in stop watches but more or less 4 hourly. Its called routine.

emkana · 04/02/2007 22:53

With all three of mine, if they slept for too long day or night in the early weeks, I would try my hardest to wake them up to feed them because otherwise I would worry about them.

misdee · 04/02/2007 22:56

emkana same. am very particular about it. dd1 lost too much weight in the first weeks as a poor and slow feeder, i had to set an alarm clock if she didnt wake up.

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