What age do you think is appropriate for a child to go downstairs by themselves of a morning?

[scumbagcollege]

Just that really, my ds is four and either wakes up of a morning at 7 or sometimes 6, he won't stay and cuddle in the bed with me and dp (which is fine btw) he wants to go downstairs straight away. He also won't go back into his room to play with his toys whilst we wake up a bit. This again no problem, he wants to get up and he wants me or dp all fine.

What's bugging me is dp keeps saying every time he comes in a bit too early "just take him down give him his breakfast and come back to bed, I was allowed to be downstairs on my own at that age". I am dead set against this, I do not feel four years is old enough to be left downstairs on your own whilst we get some more sleep. I understand we can do this when he is older (I did this when I was about six but I was also with my sister who was three years older, we knew how to make breakfast for ourselves etc).
When I say he's too young I think it's neglectful he just keeps repeating I was allowed at that age (he however had an older brother who was also three years older). I won't relent on this one, I just get up as you are expected to do when you're a parent, my son wants me and that's that.

However I was just curious to see what age you think is appropriate for a child to get up on their own of a morning?

we get up with our because they fight. They are 9 and 6. Even if we let them on the computer they'd fight because they don't/wont/can't take turns.

It's very wearing...

My DS was allowed to get up and watch tv for around an 30 minutes to an hour then would come and get me when he was hungry. Still does the same at nearly 11.

Lily it was a sweet. The point is that it happened silently and children should not be left to eat unattended. Going downstairs to watch TV for a bit no probs but I don't think involving food is sensible.

I stumbled down this morning, put my 3.5 year old under a blanket and switched On a Disney film. Do people really think this is irresponsible when two adults are just steps away??

I don't think it's it's it's irresponsible at all. It's just children eating alone/out of sight that worries me.

Yeah, the eating thing is a bit of a worry. I'm lucky in that mine aren't bothered by eating first thing. It depends hugely on the individual DC though. If your DC are pretty calm and not going to get up to mischief then its okay, but I can think of plenty of DC who I'd never allow to be downstairs on their own.

It depends on the child and the set up. DD did at 4. She was only allowed in the playroom, which was babyproofed pretty well for her 1-2 year old brother. In our previous house (open plan to kitchen, cats had access overnight, more access to cables etc) then we wouldn't have let her.

It's different for us in that DH and I were both happy to stay in bed for a bit longer. My children get a lot of my time and attention. I don't think it's neglectful to let them play by themselves.

Purple I think it's the breakfast part that is the main problem, can't he just go down and watch tv for a bit by himself then breakfast later when you are up. He doesn't have to have it straight away, and surely he's left with the tv on/playing at other times without you in the room.

Dies he want to? That's more important than whether he is 4/5/6.

I have 3 close in age so can't give a very meaningful answer as letting dc1 or 2 at 4/5 would have meant asking them to look after a baby or toddler too, as all mine have always been early risers, so I had to get up for the youngest...

My youngest is 5 and can certainly get his own breakfast, but dc2 still gets up ridiculously early too, and dc1 is usually up fairly early despite being a preteen... none of the kids sleep past 8 ever... So he's not alone. I would let him go downstairs alone if he wanted to though, he just always has a handy older sibling because the 9 yo especially still doesn't want to lie in.

You could always put a banana and a glass of milk ready and his favourite DVD in... I wouldn't leave him long, but an hour if he gets up at 6 is fair if he's happy.

Alternatively you could just enforce him not leaving his room so early - ours are not allowed to leave their bedrooms before 7am except for toilet at weekends and that has been enforceable since age 3.

It's how long is a piece of string though, and I think the key is he appears to want you, not his age.

Purple do you never answer the door/go in the kitchen while they are eating??
Sweets are also quite hard and I wouldn't let mine eat them alone (and only hard sweets as lollipops, not small boiled sweets), but Shreddies are not really a choking hazard.

(Mine would not be interested in TV without food)

Drspose popping to answer the door is a bit different to snoozing on another floor from your eating children. My downstairs is all open plan so I am around when they are eating.

It was a lollipop my friends DS choked on.

Bear in mind if you have half canny kids they will hunt down and find sweets in your absence anyway if they want to. My 3 year old astounded me at the supposedly child safe cupboards he could open by himself once he sussed where the treats were kept.

Purple perhaps don't buy the potentially murderous boiled sweets and lollies if your child is a cupboard raider - they're not things most people have "in" as a staple.

5 had better lock away the 'potentially murderous' fruit bowl as well then! My children love their grapes are they allowed in your staple food group? Or better still why not just monitor your small children if they are eating?

Purple grapes are gone in about 5 minutes in our house, they don't sit in the fruit bowl waiting to choke an unmonitored child.

How long do you count children as small? 2 and 3 year olds yes, but after that do you really hover constantly over them just in case one if them takes food without asking and chokes on it?

Anyone can choke - thousands of people are admitted to hospital each year following choking, most of them adults. Though children are more likely to choke than adults on an individual basis, a lot of children who die as a result of choking choke on objects not food...

Its all a question of finding the right line between being sensible and being paranoid and never letting children out of your sight even when both adults and children would benefit from a slight relaxing of the 24/7 line of sight vigilance.

I would imagine 5/6? My eldest is 4 but I'm an early riser anyway so when she wakes me up, I'm up for the day. Don't know how I'd feel about my DCs being up and me being in bed. My sisters kids go down before she's up though and they're very patient and well behaved.

Ermm... 2 years old
He goes with his 5.5 year old sister who is extremely motherly and loves to take care of him. We can hear them playing and we don't go back to sleep just get ready and wake up a bit we probably get anywhere between 0 and 30 mins before breakfast is demanded with menace.

I let mine at 5 and 7. Both sensible though and I doze but keep an ear out for anything untoward if you see what I mean?

Could you leave a Bowl with cereal and milk or something for him to eat on sideboard in his bedroom for when he wakes early. He is probably hungry

Dd is 4.5 and ds 2.5. Slightly different as we are in a bungalow so all on same level but dc's get up about 7am at weekend, they come thru to our room for a cuddle etc then either me or dp gets up and puts a movie on for them in living room and put some toast etc on table for them and it allows us to have one or two cups of tea in bed in peace. They are more than welcome to jump in our bed and often they check in but it gives us about 40 mine tops

He's definitely hungry when he wakes up, but he can't make breakfast for himself yet, I could come down and make him something but the TV on and go back to bed but by the time I've done that I'm awake by then (well just about).

I always got up with or before mine. I need two cups of tea first thing or else I'm like a zombie. There wasn't children's TV in the early morning when they were little, but when my grandchildren were small I would get up with them to put the TV on. I always unplug it at night, and didn't trust them to plug it in themselves.

Purple We don't keep grapes, lollipops or sweets in the house, for health rather than choking reasons (DH has diabetes and grapes are rubbish for his blood sugar so they just aren't a regular fruit of ours). Fruit bowl has bananas, apples and pears mainly. I doubt a child is any more likely to choke on them than an adult. Oh and a lemon that my DS was considering this morning mad child when I said as he was dressed he could go down and choose a piece of fruit to eat on the way to the CMs.

scumbag could he pour milk onto a bowl of cereal? that's how we started, he had tried a few times to use the regular (pint) milk bottles but we got him some small sized ones from Ebay in the end.

He can turn the TV on but not find Cbeebies as I say so it doesn't get us that much extra sleep but it is helpful if I'm on my own and DD is having her milk while I get dressed and then I can get her dressed in relative peace.

If you have a child who will listen when told not to go downstairs they will probably listen when told what to eat and not eat. Oddly though DS has many behavioural issues he would no more eat the biscuits from the biscuit barrel for breakfast than fly to the moon. DD on the other hand would both go downstairs when our backs were turned and come back up covered in chocolate.

Never liked the idea of a young children having to fend for themselves in the morning. it's all part of parenting, you get up when young children do. If you want a lie in take it in turns. If you can't share lie ins and need more sleep go to bed earlier.

I feel sorry for the young child who could be left cereal and milk on a sideboard for them to eat alone while a parent sleeps. Get up and feed your child!