"ADHD is not real" - such an annoying and ignorant woman!

[Hulababy]

I can't believe people can be so ignorant :here

It has really annoyed me so much. How can anyone in this day and age not now that ADHD is a real dx. So ignornat - argh!!!

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Oh dear. She reminds me of those people who tell me how ds1 would have better language skills if I spoke to him more, or how ds1 would be out of nappies by now if I wasn't quite so lazy about toilet-training. Rather than condemning parents of children with ADHD she should be thanking her lucky stars that none of her own children have this 'imaginary syndrome'.

Presumably she has posted this just to wind people up? There doesn't seem any other reason for it. I would love to lend someone like this my DS- without his medication- and see how pretend she thinks it is after that. I wish I was just making it up, then he wouldn't have to live with it & neither would I, because some other "perfect" mother could straighten him out.

Much as I disagree with what she wrote, i.e. there is such a condition, I can to a degree see where she might get this idea. I often see children just misbehaving and their parents (with no ADHD diagnosis) labelling their children as hyperactive or with ADHD as they think it then excuses their poor parenting skills. It's probably parents like this who give children who genuinely have the condition a bad press.

I know nothing about ADHD and am open-minded... but
there was a woman on the radio the other day and when she was asked to give examples of how her son's ADHD manifested itself, she said something like "Oh, when he was in nursery he would run around and not sit still listening to stories".
I mean, that's pretty normal for many 3-4yo children, don't you think?? On the basis of those few words, a diagnosis of ADHD didn't sound appropriate at all.

And Matthew Parris was on Radio recently saying that he'd gone and pretended to be a single mom in Newcastle, or something like that (sorry, I didn't get all the details, but apparently he did something similar maybe 15 years ago). Parris said that the really big difference between then and now was ADHD ritalin and every mom+tots group he went to the mothers were all saying how soon could they get their kids on medication, how wonderful it was, etc. And he didn't know how to interpret that change, either. Could the children really have changed that much? AS a listener you couldn't help but wonder if social/parenting factors weren't involved.

So I can understand the ignorance. It's very confusing for those of us who don't have contact with ADHD kids.

goodness that Matthew Parris finding sounds scary if true. I never went to mum and tots clubs as I was at work. If this is what gets talked about, glad I gave them a miss!

I do think that children's behaviour in general has worsened - taking genuine ADHD ones out of the picture - and I think we need to work out why this is. I don't think parenting skills overall are worse these days, but there are a lot of influences around now that weren't around 15 years ago - thinking of television, computers, etc., not to mention additives in food and the way food in general is processed, often removing a lot of "good stuff" along the way.

I do think it is very worrying that, rather than considering these aspects, a lot of parents just seem to want to drug their children to manage the behaviour.

I should qualify that wrt television. Obviously television was around 15 years ago, but the types of programmes we see today weren't. I'm aghast at some of the stuff put out by companies such as the BBC which they think is suitable entertainment for children.

Freckle while I agree with you re children's TV, comments like "I do think it is very worrying that, rather than considering these aspects, a lot of parents just seem to want to drug their children to manage the behaviour. " are v offensive to those of us with genuine ADHD kids.

Ritalin is not a drug that produces Stepford Children. They don't become ultra calm & docile. An ADHD child on ritalin transforms into a "normal" child- they still argue & strop & do all the other things that "normal" children do... it just stops them from going to extremes.

Thus if you are a useless parent, your ADHD child on ritalin will still be a little s**t...

I did say leaving out genuine ADHD children. I was referring to those parents who automatically claim the label as an excuse for poor parenting/ignoring all other possibilities first. If your child has a genuine ADHD diagnosis and is prescribed a drug, be it ritalin or any other, then that is the same as if he/she had any other medical condition which requires medication. I wouldn't dream of judging you or anyone else who has a child with medical needs.

And ritalin doesn't have any of the desired effects on children without ADHD - EG: giving them that bit of time to think, be less impulsive before they leap in where no-one else would even think of going! It was described to me as speed bascically - which is why my health authority won't prescribe to kids over 16. As tallulah says, it can't produce Stepford children, and it has to go hand in hand with behaviour management strategies. I can't believe that it's just handed out like sweets.... our therapy unit demands at least 6 months of family therapy and behaviour management before they will even consider drugs.

We have had this discussion before, and I am sure that we will have it again and again.

To my mind the water is muddied by those parent who describe their normal, but naughty, children as hyperactive. Much as people who are a bit sad describe themselves as 'depressed'

Anyone who has spent any time with a child with ADHD ( and I have taught a few) can say with 100% assurance that the condition exists and it must be hell for parents to cope with. What must make it even harder for them is a. the disbelief that they have to endure and b. parents of 'normal' kids using the label to excuse poor behaviour.

It was the parents as described in (b) that I was referring to, which I thought I'd made clear. I am not accusing parents of children who do have ADHD of wanting to drug their children.

done this one before here

The problem really is describing the behaviour. Eg people say "autistic children have tantrums". If you've only evewr seen a typical 2 year old tantrum you cannot understand what that statement means. The 2 are worlds apart.

Same with ADHD. The behaviour is way beyojd the boundaries of normal.

Can I email a link to this thread to our friend "chrissy"- she could do with reading the previous one I think.......

Leave them ignorant lot to think what they like. My s1 was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, apart from having difficult times with behavoiur etc , I also find him a loving and giving child and i luv him 2 bits

I have a friend who is a primary school teacher and he makes me MAD because he says there is no such thing as ADHD it is just bad parenting!

This is interesting - I have a 7 year old DS1 with issues and DS2 (5) who is well grounded with loads of friends. I am the same parent.

Does my eldest have issues because of poor parenting? Whilst my youngest doesn't?

Think that DS1 has ADHD tendencies, impulsive, lacking concentration etc.. - he really does want to do the right thing, he is not malicious. We had someone over to play, he picked up a glass of water and poured it over his friends dinner and then said "Oh, do you still like me?" - how could such a stupid thing have anything to do with my parenting?

I must live in a parallel universe, but I have never known a parent who wanted their NT child on Ritalin just because they were having normal tantrums. And when I have met an ADHD child it has been so completely obvious that this is something totally different from having an NT child who is prone to tantrumming.

I haven't seen any clear link between bad parenting and ADHD behaviour in my own experience. Children who (in my opinion) are poorly parented or don't have firm boundaries can be complete little brats, certainly: they still don't display anything like the full array of ADHD synmptoms. And some excellent parents have one child only with ADHD symptoms and other children who are nothing like it- what am I to make of that then? That they have firm boundaries for dc1 and dc3, but not for dc2?

Strange

I don't know what DD (3.3) has 'got'. At the moment she is labelled with global developmental delay.

BUT, I do know that she gets stimulation from the most simple of activities that is wildly disproportionate to what I would deem 'normal', and that once she is stimulated, attempts to calm her are just reinforcers of the stimulation.

Putting socks and pants on can send her completely wild with excitement. She squirms & giggles, laughs hysterically, starts bycicling her legs faster and faster, starts flapping her hands in my face, trying to tickle me... all because I put some fabric on her feet and around her bum.

I'm not saying that she has ADHD, but I WILL say that she becomes hyperactive very easily, and once she is it is almost impossible to bring her back down. You just have to ride it out.

Attention deficit - Lacking in attention.
Hyperactivity - Child with too much energy.
Disorder - A name they give to something that isnt 'normal'.

After studying children with 'ADHD' I have found that most cases are the same.

I normally take an objective side to a study, but for all the mums Ill make it easier to understand and keep it subjective.

One case study
Child H is 8 years old. Her mother is called in to school because child H has kicked another child. When Child H and parent gets home Child H seems withdrawn and upset.Mum decides her behaviour was obviously wrong and so tells her off. Child H shouts 'I hate you' And stomps off upstairs, bangs her bedroom door and starts screaming and bashing her toys up against the wall.
Child H gets shouted at again.

For the next two weeks Child H's school have called her mum practically everyday to say she has lashed out. The school refer child H to the School Nurse. She is then refered to a child psycholigist as the school nurse thinks Child H has ADHD.

Not once...Did the school or her mum ask CHild H what was wrong and what went on at school that day.

While witnessing these motions I decide to talk to Child H. I sit her down and simply ask her 'what's the matter'. 'Do you want to tell me how your feeling?'. Low and behold Child H lashed out at Child x that day because she was being called 'ugly' and being teased by a group of boys at school.
The Teacher on lunchtime duty never witnessed the banter but only Child H kicking Child x.

I have studied Child H for over 6 months. She is never listened to by her parents. Always told to go away. Told she is 'Stupid'.

Doctor's think they can label a child with ADHD just because there emotions and actions can not be explained by another adult. Giving a child medication for a 'disorder' is simply a way of not having to get to the root of the problem.

Our children are confused, not guided anymore. They have media thrown at them. They are not listened to by schools anymore as there are too many children and too little teachers/teaching assistants and SEN co-ordinators to deal with problems.

So you don't believe ADHD is real ?

I beleive that practitioners feel they have to come up with an 'answer' to a particular child's behaviour.

Its not that I dont believe a child could have emotional and behavioural difficulties, many children I care for do have issues. But if you look deeper into thier family life you can see what is causing he problem.

I do wish that parents would take time to really study thier child. You have to study what makes them tick then change it.

It sound easy to say, but it can be hard to do. But with help it is easier and can be done.

Children are growing up too quickly, thier minds being consumed by adult literature.

I am only 21, and as a 21 year old you would expect me to take in what 'experts' say and be nieve. But no... i see the big picture.