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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dd13 wants to dye her blonde hair black

63 replies

BLACKTUESDAY1 · 08/05/2016 20:21

My dd is 13. Will be going in year 9 in september. She is into alternative stuff - def not at all girly, always wears black clothes, not into make up and music but an amazing artist and loves anime. She has long, wavy, (beautiful) blonde hair which she HATES. She says it doesn't match who she is and feels others get the wrong impression of her personality. She wants to look how she feels inside and wants to dye her hair black and cut it short. I am more concerned about the cut tbh as i have curly hair and any sort of wave in short hair is hard to maintain (she is quite lazy!). Should I allow the hair dye? Obv would check with school first and wait for hols but I am so worried her lovely hair will be ruined. I know it is only hair but she is so young

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MrsJayy · 09/05/2016 18:10

Maybe the salon doesnt want any come back or something. Think the Emo comes and goes dd is 23 but ive seen some emo kids passing by with hoodies up looking miserable

TheTartOfAsgard · 09/05/2016 18:31

It may not be a passing phase - 35 year old goth here, dyed black hair, new rock boots, piercings, resting miserable bitch face and all.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 09/05/2016 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

conversationdiva · 09/05/2016 19:34

Maybe suggest experimenting with a chunky black streak first. That way it's not so drastic and it's still quite alternative.

MrsJayy · 09/05/2016 19:43

Since the teen was invented they have been defined by their look even the ones who are not try hard have a look its what seperates them from the adults

HSMMaCM · 09/05/2016 20:45

One of DD's friends was desperate for her blonde hair to be black. She started with temporary dye and just dyed the underneath layer of her hair. She loved it and has kept it like that.

Something like this:

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itsonlysubterfuge · 09/05/2016 20:55

I wouldn't let my DD dye her hair black. Dying your hair black and really ruin it and it's amazing hard to get out. I would try to convince her of a dark brown or a colorful color like deep blue or purple, which wont be as harsh on her hair and is easier to get out should she change her mind.

EllaHen · 09/05/2016 20:57

My Mum dyed my hair for me when I was 13. It really is all about identity and yes, it is she who should decide (your dd that is, not my Mum ).

ChicRock · 09/05/2016 21:01

Buy her a few of these to try in the school holidays, they wash out in a few days or weeks and there's a lovely purple or blue one.

Original poster

BLACKTUESDAY1 · 09/05/2016 21:28

There are some excellent ideas here. Thank you. I am worried about her ruining her hair (she's not!) Maybe a wash in at half term to see

OP posts:

shamelessmailhack · 09/05/2016 22:29

Blonde punk/goth girls can look really cool! I always liked Courtney Love's crazy style (can't stand the woman though), and you see loads of blonde emo girls.

Could you suggest a dip dye/ombre at the start of the school hols? She could get hot pink or blue ends on her hair, and have them cut off in September. If she's into the anime style she might like this.

A friend of mine dyed her blonde hair black and she looked awesome for a few weeks. She then started to regret it, and it took bloody ages to strip out and grow back to its nice blonde state.

MrsJayy · 09/05/2016 22:53

Would she go for red or maybe blue actually saw a blonde hair girl on the bus today with blue through it was nice there is a chalky wash in dye you do at home my hairdresser has it washes out in a few washes

LaurieFairyCake · 09/05/2016 22:57

The problem is the re growth in a month

When my dd started mooting dying her hair I remember her expecting me to pay the £80 initial colour plus the £30 re growth every month forever

I did and she didn't ask again

It's madly expensive

FadedRed · 09/05/2016 23:01

Could you get her to try some short black wigs first, just so she can see what she would actually look like?

ishallconquerthat · 09/05/2016 23:07

Do let her. She is at the right age to do silly things with her hair :) It will either look great, or look horrible and she will have to find a way to deal with it. As long as it's not a tattoo, let her be... (I have fond memories of all the hair colours and nail polishes and haircuts I've been through...)

karalime · 09/05/2016 23:20

It's only hair, let her do it.

When I was 13 I had red hair, purple hair, then back to brunette with pink and blue stripes.

It was great fun! At times it turned out shit and I would have dodgy hair for a few weeks but I survived, it's really not the end of the world.

TheCraicDealer · 09/05/2016 23:37

Very, very few Northern European people have black hair naturally and it often doesn't suit that sort of colouring. Although I fully appreciate she's likely discounted the 'natural' look it's a big change and it'll be a bugger to sort out if she goes permanent and black all at once.

Have you got her to look at the henna options from Lush? There was a thread on S&B quite recently about their henna and people were raving about it. It would give her the opportunity to try a darker colour and let her see if she really does want to keep going whilst being slightly kinder to her hair.

Enkopkaffetak · 10/05/2016 00:08

I let dd2 dye her's blue last year. Was a semi permanent that was meant to last 2-8 washes. In fact it took 4 months to fully go and I had to send her to school with a green mermaid tint in her hair plus a letter explaining. Thankfully her teachers found it amusing and were fine as long as she tied it up and tried to keep it away.

I would still do it again if I was to go back/ For her it was important and made her feel she was expressing hersself as who she is. That is important to me she feels good about.. (she is also into anime and likes different styles to most others - not emo but likes lolita fashion style)

minatiae · 10/05/2016 00:32

Let her. I had hair like hers when I was her age and cut it and dyed it dark. Now it's back to long and (natural) blonde like it was then. Hair grows back and colour can always be changed.

Honeymoonmummy · 10/05/2016 08:54

Aww this takes me back. When I was around that age I was the same, I had /have blonde hair and wanted to die it black (and paint all my bedroom walls black!!). I even bought the dye and got a passport photo of myself and coloured it black!! Funnily enough I was telling my hairdresser this the other day (I never went through with it) and she said it would have looked awful with my complexion and eyebrows. I'd definitely recommend she tries to photoshop a photo of herself first with black hair and maybe try to find a hairdresser who will be sensible/honest about how it will look. Good luck! FWIW my black obsession lasted many years, it's only in recent years I've worn any other colours and I'm 41 now!!!

Meeep · 10/05/2016 08:58

I dye my blonde hair dark brown, it suits me much more.
I wouldn't go black straight away, maybe dark chocolate?

Helenluvsrob · 10/05/2016 09:01

I'd let her but properly at a salon I think as a treat to start with. Better condition etc

Also prepare for towels/pillows/nightwear/bathroom grout everything to be dyed if she starts DIY. so it's "safer" from that point of view for it to be done for her.

Also check if she's at school that the shade is OK . We have a " natural shades only" rule for hair dye and so they might possibly object to Blue black, but not a " natural" brown toned black.

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove · 10/05/2016 09:15

I have been dying my hair since I was 14/15. I have no idea what my natural colour is anymore (probably a lot more grey than when I started though!)

I've had it pretty much every colour under the sun.

The only thing I would say about black, is that there are far more exciting hair colours to experiment with and when you've gone black, you pretty much have to stick with it until it's grown out.

It is possible to be a Super Goth with blonde hair. If I were her, I'd be more inclined to consider a lighter blonde rather than black. Every Goth has black hair. She can be subversive within her subculture.

If it's curly, she could go red/auburn for a proper pre-raphaelite look. But then I'm guessing 13 year old goths of today aren't really into that particular goth look...

but at the end of the day, it's only hair. It grows back. And it's so much fun to play around with it.

I'm no longer Super Goth, but my son is quite proud of having a more 'alternative' mum.

Also, loving all the 'chocolate brown' type suggestions from people who clearly have never experienced the need to have hair that could not possibly be more black

YoScience · 10/05/2016 09:37

My then 14yr old DD dyed her blonde hair black after talking about it for months. She looked deathly pale and it looked terrible, but initially she loved it. She had quite noticeable roots quite quickly, so dyed them again.

Then after a few months decided she wanted to be lighter again, I think it was everyone constantly telling her she looked ill, asking her if she was ok

A year on and hundreds of pounds later her hair still isn't back to her original colour and it is in really rubbish condition, black is really hard to get rid off, even though her hair has had bleach in it, it still wont remove the black (it is gingerish at the bottom)

HippyPottyMouth · 10/05/2016 11:12

I wouldn't take her to a salon. It makes it into a Big Expensive Thing, which is harder for her to back down from if she hates it. Be breezy. Help her to pick one in Boots, ideally one that will wash out in a few weeks, help her do it, all nonchalant, and help her clean the bathroom/her ears and neck afterwards (baby wipes are your friend.)

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