I NEED SOME SUPPORT RIGHT NOW!! Help please...

[Flip]

We've just lost it with ds1. He hurt himself and I picked him up and sat him on my knee and hugged him. While I was hugging him he tried to strangle me and really hurt me. I pushed him off me and told him I'd fallen out with him and he went upstairs to get changed. Dh went upstairs to ask him what he wanted for tea and ds1 hit him where he shouldn't for no reason. Dh lost it and slapped his legs and then locked him in his room.

I've just spent the last five minutes listening to ds1 trashing his room and dh telling me how he wants to leave home and hates coming home from work at night.

So as calm as you like I went upstairs with a bin bag and went into ds1's room. "Whatever isn't picked up in one minute goes in my bag and you don't see it again!" Give me strength to go back and bin everything. Give me strength to carry on being calm when really I'm wrecked inside.

I haven't bothered changing my name. I didn't see the point. That way anyone who want's to help knows what I'm going through already with ds1.

The breaking has started again.....

Hi Flip, hope you've had a better day. Just read dinosaur's post - good advice here. I did a similar thing when we were at breaking point with dss, went back to our gp, begged for help and got an appointment within the week.

He's been okay. He disapeared while I was chatting to his teacher and I feared the worst but then I saw him and called him over and told him how worried I'd been and he said "what are you worried for? I wouldn't just disapear. " If only that were true!

Since coming home he wanted to see one of the neighbours kids and I crossed him across the road and he played there as good as gold for 30 minutes while I fed ds2. Then we went to his swimming lesson and he was excellent. The intructor was telling the other kids to watch what ds1 did. Then the instructor took him in the big pool and he did his 25 meters!! Ds1 asked to move back into the big pool full time. I only changed him into the small pool last week because he wouldn't get in. Anyway the receptionist was very helpful and agree to him swapping days. She also gave him lots of praise and told him how excellent he was for getting his 25 meters. So not your typical unhelpful receptionist.

Now he's helping dh cook tea and all sounds quiet which can only be a good thing. Maybe he needed a meltdown to relieve some tension. Perhaps he get's a form of PMT.

Thanks for all your support. I'm going to take each day as a new day and forget what's happened the day before.

Marthamoo - you made me laugh remembering the pouring rain and the park shelter.

Davros - I don't think your SN comment was wrong. I've seen the SN posts and most days are battles. The SN threads keep me sane knowing there's help out there for ds1.

Just quickly read through this-one thing I find helps my DS age 5 is a massive drink as soon as school finishes. They often don't have much to drink (even though they can have water all day, but they don't get it unless they are reminded).Listen to people like Jimjams and I hope they can help you. It must be so confusing that your little boy is cuddly one minute and "hard work" the next. I think even "normal" kids are like this but see that maybe you need help. Don't stop asking, pestering and nagging-you have a right and I hope you get the help you need!

Hiya Flip. Ive just spent ages reading through this and its brought tears to my eye. I really feel for you and i hope you get sorted soon. You sound like you are handling everything really well, so well done. Lots of hugs, sorry no advice but will be thinking of you and following to see how you get on.

Hi Flip - hope you've had a good day today.

Just wanted to share the idea that for us it works well if teachers and I talk a lot, so that ds1 knows clearly that everybody is fully informed about everything. They deal with "school issues" at school and we deal with "home issues", but we actually both find that it still helps a lot if we talk a lot about what is going on. ... This was actually last year when we had a lot of difficulties. But we've just been through a rough patch with ds1 (nearly 7) at school, and in retrospect both his teacher and I have said that it could have been better if we'd talked to one another sooner when there were little niggles, rather than big ones, as the two worlds do impact on one another.

I realise you've made a considered decision about this, but just thought I should share my experience in case that helps you at all.

Fantastic news about his 25m. I hope that success has been a real boost for him.

Flip - does he know that you don't know where he is if he runs off? It's just that if he didn't (ie he thought that you knew where he was even if you hadn't seen him go) then that would be a very strong indicator that he could well be AS- and would be another stick you could use for getting an assessment (tell them you think he has no/limited theory of mind).

Well done to him with the swimming as well!

Hi Flip, I'm glad you're not cross with me! I sincerely hope we won't be seeing you post on the SN board much in the future except as a welcome NT guest. I think you're right that sometimes a meltdown can mean a new and better start (until the next one!) and relieves tension. I also find that, when you think things are at their worst and you fear that this is what the future will be like, things get better. The swimming story sounds wonderful and the playing next door. I think Jimjams idea is interesting, that he may not realise that you don't know where he is just because he knows himslef iyswim. Hope you can get that assessment soon and, even if that's not going to be the answer, some support anyway.

He had another meltdown on Friday because his grandad phoned and asked if he wanted to sleep. I said he couldn't because I wanted him at home and he went off the scale and started trashing everything. I wasn't feeling very strong then and so said he could go. It still took him several minutes to calm down and he flared up a couple of times afterwards.

But since then (firmly gripping hold of the wooden desk) he's been okay. We're probably due another one today or tomorrow. If that's the case you'll be hearing later.

You need to lay down the rules with the grandparents. They ask you first!

They did and I said no. So they phoned Friday night and asked him. Grrrr!