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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Daddy has a tail? ....

67 replies

Whatdoesthismean78 · 26/02/2016 21:08

Sitting eating dinner tonight and two year old DD said daddy has a tail! Anyone else's lo's said this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Whatdoesthismean78 · 26/02/2016 23:17

He just never has been naked in front of her. Maybe it's a cultural thing for him, he just doesn't seem comfortable with it. Tbh i never saw my father naked as a child. I haven't asked her yet but I will talk to her. It was just a bit weird at the time after my husband quickly jumped in. The atmosphere changed.

OP posts:

00100001 · 26/02/2016 23:18

that's true. but the OP seems to be suggesting that her dd has seen her naked but not Dad. which is weird

00100001 · 26/02/2016 23:19

so, what are you implying OP?

ColdTeaAgain · 26/02/2016 23:21

Do you think she saw him naked by accident and he is embarrassed about it?

member · 26/02/2016 23:24

Again, Dc have seen me because I tended to be the one at home so getting dressed more in their presence/did the taking them swimming/had to take them into loos when I needed when out shopping etc. Might be your idea of weird but just the way things worked for us without any deep psychological reason.

ColdTeaAgain · 26/02/2016 23:26

I don't remember seeing my parents naked either, but I'm sure they weren't that fussed about it when I was only two.

With our DD, as she gets more aware of her own body I expect we will naturally follow suit. It's not a case of letting it all hang out or wandering about naked. Just that we're not bothered if she pops into the bathroom while one of us is getting out of the shower for example. I doubt she will want to carry on like that as she gets more aware, it's a natural process, we will just follow her lead.

Footle · 26/02/2016 23:26

If she's at nursery she may have seen boys peeing.

3point14159265359 · 26/02/2016 23:36

If she's at nursery she'll definitely have seen boys peeing/having nappies changed.

She's maybe just put 2 and 2 together.

And tail is a perfectly reasonable extrapolation in the absence of anyone telling her what it really is.

FATEdestiny · 26/02/2016 23:37

Has she ever been public swimming with you? Lots of little boys getting changed in the ladies changing room with their Mummies.

member · 26/02/2016 23:47

I think the atmosphere changing could be down to embarrassment on your dh's part; either because she's seen his penis by accident or just general embarrassment at his dad mentioning willies! Presumably your dh knows something of your childhood experiences OP?

I do think it likely that your dad will have seen boys' penises at nursery and is formulating the idea that males differ from females because of the appearance of their genitalia rather than males= short hair, girls= long hair which they may have first used to differentiate.

You are obviously fearful something inappropriate has happened because of the perceived change of atmosphere; don't jump to conclusions!

member · 26/02/2016 23:48

his dd

ouryve · 26/02/2016 23:53

DS1 used to insist that I was missing my wily and needed to go and buy a new one. I told him that woollies had been out of stock for a long while.

VenusRising · 26/02/2016 23:56

She's seen a willy in nursery for sure.
They take them all to the loo at the same time IME.

Are you afraid your dd is being sexually abused?
Are you anxious about that?

ouryve · 26/02/2016 23:57

willy

Lovelydiscusfish · 27/02/2016 00:02

OP, you sound worried. Are there any other instances or aspects, other than the one in your OP, that are making you feel worried? The instance in your OP on the face of it sounds pretty innocent. Are you coupling it with other things that have happened, however, and this is leading to concern?
You mention ( I think) that you are a sex abuse survivor yourself? (Apologies if I have misread this). Could this be causing you to be, very understandably, super-cautious about this sort of thing? At the same time, it's not a reason to ignore your instincts.
Thinking of you all, OP!

Original poster

Whatdoesthismean78 · 27/02/2016 00:08

My DD sees me naked as Im her main cater and she's with me when I get showered in the morning. DH seems uncomfortable being naked around her. He's a different nationality to me so maybe that's why. I just felt uncomfortable tonight. I know it may sound strange to some but the atmosphere was tense at the time. I feel awful to even feel concerned but I just had to ask opinions on if this was normal. Would never forgive myself if I ignored something and my DD ever came to harm. My DH is a great dad, but sadly you just never know.

OP posts:

DaleTremont · 27/02/2016 00:11

DD's nursery used the word 'tail' for 'penis', it's really common apparently, although I'd never heard of it before! They will most likely share toilets at that age, she will just be talking about her nursery experience at home.

We're quite a relaxed family though, she's used to seeing DH naked, so it was no big deal for us when she talked about Daddy's 'tail'.

pieceofpurplesky · 27/02/2016 00:20

So are you implying that your Dh has in some way abused your DD as she mentioned 'tail' / something that she will have heard/seen at nursery and because your very repressed and body conscious ---- DH was embarrassed your first thought is he must be abusing her?

00100001 · 27/02/2016 07:47

something is very wrong if you're concluding sexual abuse over this comment.

Have you asked DD why she thinks Dad has a tail? Have you asked DH why he was embarrassed?

Afreshstartplease · 27/02/2016 08:01

I think it's come from nursery too

My dd is two and she calls willies tails

BertrandRussell · 27/02/2016 08:06

She's seen one of the babies having a nappy change and asked about his willy. And someone has said "That's his tail" because people say daft things

Unless you have any other reason to be concerned I wouldn't worry.

Chchchchangeabout · 27/02/2016 08:09

Could she have seen other children have their nappy changed at nursery?

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/02/2016 08:11

you are making an awfully big deal out of this. it is nothing.

she's probably saw a bit having a wee or someone changing a nappy at nursery.

unless you have doubts about your dh or other family members? is that's why you are worrying?

she may well not have even been talking about a Penis.

00100001 · 27/02/2016 08:25

I agree with giles

You never know, your husband might well have an actual tail that he wears sometimes?

Yourface · 27/02/2016 08:48

Jesus, why all the snidey tones? The op is obviously distressed. She's basically implied issues in her own childhood. Why can't people discuss her feelings and her anxieties in a less sneering way?

Big medals to those of you who are comfortable in their own naked skin, but judging by your inability to allow the op to discuss her concerns in a safe and empathetic way, you are more likely to do more emotional damage to your own kids, than the op ever will.

Op I have no idea why your daughter said what she said, or the implications of it. She probably has noticed a bulge in his trousers maybe? I never saw my parents naked as a child, but I was always aware of the differences, physically. She'll have noticed lack of boobs and all the other more obvious, physical characteristics that separate you from your husband.

It 's unlikely that there is anything more to it but it 's impossible to tell based on what you have said. I'm sorry you had horrible experiences as a child and I am sorry you couldn't get a kinder response on here.

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