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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is not going to the school Christmas concert an unfeasibly harsh punishment for an unruly 9 year old?

28 replies

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:27

After reapeated requests, demands etc for her to a) comb her hair and b) stop shouting in protest all the time about it, I said I wouldn't go to her concert. Was trying to think quickly of something that would "hurt" but wondering now if this one is a bit harsh.

Anyone?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SherlockLGJ · 10/12/2006 14:27

Is she going ??

If so it is too harsh IMO

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:29

She's in the choir, I think. Have to say, after 6 years of them the "ah" factor is wearing off. Oh god, how do I back down?

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clairemow · 10/12/2006 14:31

Oh dear. I think it might be a bit harsh to be honest. Is DD performing in it? It could backfire - sounds like the kind of punishment I'd have been really really upset about as a child, and would still remember now. Trouble is, it's difficult now for you to back down, and you'll have to think of a reason why you've "got" to go anyway (if she won't brush her hair), and think of another carrot to dangle...

Has she brushed her hair since the threat was made? You never know, you might have no trouble now... in which case, it's worked...

Could you let her go out unbrushed and then all her friends will comment, and she'll want to brush it for her own sake?

clairemow · 10/12/2006 14:31

crossed posts...

colditz · 10/12/2006 14:32

i think that's a bit horrible. tell her if she doesn't comb her hair you will cut it off, and get the scissors to do it with!

nutcracker · 10/12/2006 14:33

Thats exactly the type of thing I say and then I have to back down.

You have to go really don't you.

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:34

claire - her friends do comment - no effect. She goes from Sunday to Sunday without brushing it. She's discovered my straighteners now so just irons out the knots. But, it's not really teh hair that is teh issue (she'll surely become hairproud one day) it's teh incessant shouting and rudeness. Nothing will make her a) simply listen to me and b) stop shouting unless something it disallowed/taken away.

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Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:36

x posts there with a few. I do have to go I know. Oh god, oh god, oh god I want a Railway Child. Backing down strategies please? I usually say "if you do this I'll think about it" etc but she's wise to this now. I have no authority, I think.

OP posts:

charliecat · 10/12/2006 14:38

Could you make yourself look wonderful by saying, actually I want to come and see you and I dont want to miss out...maybe making her feel bad?

SherlockLGJ · 10/12/2006 14:38

How old is she ??

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:40

I like that charliecat I'm such a good mummy I'll come despite you being a horror.

Sherlock - clue, ahem ,in the thread title

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SherlockLGJ · 10/12/2006 14:41

Could you say I really want to go, but I cannot bring myself to look at your hair like that, can you brush it for me please ??

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:42

lol - she'll SHOUT NO!!! I DON'T CARE

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busybusymum · 10/12/2006 14:44

It would be more of a punishment for me tbh.

Only tell her on the day that you will be going and then explain that as her mum you love her dearly and of course you would be going. But next time she is naughty tell her it will be her not taking part and that you will talk to her teacher to explain that she has been rude etc and is grounded! The shock of her teacher knowing might do the trick.

When my DD was 9yo she was a nightmare and would storm off on the way to school and tell the teachers that she wanted to be adopted!! Luckily her teacher was very supportive, even when one day I was so stressed with DD's antics and emotional I was in tears!

batters · 10/12/2006 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:48

Oh busybusymum, thanks for posting that. That's exactly the kind of thing she would do.

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Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 14:51

batters - I'm sure there was no warning, just repreated exasperation from me culminating in this. She'd put her hair in bunches and wanted me to make a parting to make it neater. But refused to accept it needed combing to make it neater. In fact, she's to be a bridesmaid next year and I have said that teh bride won't wnat a bridesmaid who can't comb her hair. Would love to get it all cut off, can see why my mum did with me now.

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andaSOAPBOXinapeartree · 10/12/2006 14:57

I think it has the possibility of being read as 'I won't love you (enough to come to see you in your concert) if you don't sort your hair out', TBH.

Is there nothing that matters to your DD that you could use as a punishment instead? So no pocket money/treats/brownies/swimming/substitute whatever her thing is?

My DD is 8 and goes around looking like a scarecrow half the time - I brush it into a pony tail for her every morning so it looks neat for school, other than that if she wants to look like a tramp then up to her! Her friends will soon start to notice and then I think she will mind more! I'm torn by feeling happy that she is not too worried about how she looks, and pissed off that as a very very striking child, she would look better with sorted out hair!

So many sympathies from this corner

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 15:02

She doesn't get pocket money so can't stop that. No brownies this week and next one is Brownies concert - same dilemma. She'd be happy to miss swimming. Awkward isn't she? It's not the hair though that winds me up (although it does) it's the rudeness and shouting.

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themulledSNOWMANneredjanitor · 10/12/2006 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 18:49

Well, she came back from her "grandma's" with a piece of cake for me with a note on saying sorry and "I heart u" Plus, there's a big "Sorry" poster on the door (from where I removed her advent calendar )

I said sorry for saying I wouldn't go to her concert, of course I would, how could I miss it etc.

Would love to sit down a discuss when she's calm but the concept of calm doesn't seem to occur to her, always has to interrupt, have the last word etc. It's me at 9. It's horrible.

OP posts:

batters · 10/12/2006 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Tinker · 10/12/2006 19:08

It'll get better when she gets to about 30 I think.

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batters · 10/12/2006 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooseyLoosey · 12/12/2006 11:32

Can you explain to her that you love her and would like to go but something still needs to happen in relation to her constant shouting and rudeness and can she suggest an alternative punishment in lieu of not going to the concert (think would secretly be a blessed relief to me - I can just hear those recorders screeching in the background already).

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