Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Day 3 in Reception, Day 3 of being in trouble

49 replies

Publicenema · 10/09/2015 16:38

I would love any help coping with a deeply troubling start to school for my DS. He's 4, a summer baby and has had some behavioural issues at nursery which were being monitored by a SEN. A transition to big school was always going to be a difficult one for him but for 3 days I've been called in by his teacher to listen to the list of misdemeanours and reasons he's been excluded from class during the day. There is no doubt he has been dreadfully behaved, calling pupils and teachers names, hitting and growing things in tantrums but I'm feeling very unsupported. I'm trying my best to help him but don't know how to do this when he's in tears when I pick him up and I'm being told by the school I need to work on his discipline urgently. What should I do? Try and get more time to talk to his teacher? Ask for a SEN referral at school? Feeling v lost and torn. Any advice?

OP posts:

Original poster

Publicenema · 10/09/2015 16:40

throwing not growing

OP posts:

noisytoys · 10/09/2015 16:41

Look for a new school poor boy is being excluded every day from day 1. He knows school aren't happy with him and have already branded him naughty so is playing up. He will probably thrive at a different school.

duckyneedsaclean · 10/09/2015 16:42

If his nursery's SENCO was monitoring him, could they give some sort of handover to the school?

raisin3cookies · 10/09/2015 16:44

Honestly? I would pull him out and let him be for another year. Try again when he's older and can cope a bit better. He won't miss much - reception should not be academic anyway.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 10/09/2015 16:46

What have they suggested? Does he do these things at home?

Mitzi50 · 10/09/2015 17:00

Do you think he's frightened? I think some children can be aggressive when they start school because they are overwhelmed and don't understand the routines.

I would definitely ask to speak to the SENCO if you have concerns about SEN but also find out if they are using things like visual timetables. Ask if there are trigger points - transitions etc - and,if there are, can they be pre-empted? If he's having tantrums when he's being asked to stop and tidy up then perhaps he could be given a visual cue like a sand timer to warn him that he will have to stop shortly.

What form does the exclusion take and for how long? I think you need to clarify this and make sure it's appropriate. Have you ask how they intend to help him in school?

Original poster

Publicenema · 10/09/2015 17:20

Thanks all for taking the time to reply. As its only day 3 the school haven't offered any advice except for 'work on his discipline urgently'. At nursery there were definite triggers like being crowded, being laughed at and having toys taken away. His SENCO did a comprehensive handover and these things were all noted but tbh from what I've heard, the triggers at school may have been different so far. I've had chats with him and all he can tell me is that he has 'angrys' and lots of 'sads' but can't explain why.
I always thought the reception teacher was supportive and positive but all I've seen so far is disciplining and no positive reinforcement, it's left me quite shocked. Hmm perhaps I'll see how it goes tomorrow then ask for an urgent meeting, perhaps with the school SENCO there as well. It breaks my heart that my funny intelligent little boy is so unhappy. Maybe taking him out is an option we should consider :-(

OP posts:

raisin3cookies · 10/09/2015 17:47

Best of luck to you and your little one. Home educating a 4 year old isn't as drastic as it sounds. I am happy to answer any questions if you decided to go down that route.

roomonamop · 10/09/2015 17:47

Your poor boy. I am shocked he has been dealt with so severely. My son was hitting and misbehaving at one nursery around 3.5. The place was chaotic visually and in terms of the number of kids running around. It was too much for him. He moved to a smaller nursery and thrived. He started reception this week and has had no issues transitioning (yet) . Today, he said he likes his class as there are a small number of kids. I chose a school that I felt sure would suit his personality. He is being assessed for high functioning autism. I suspect your son is overwhelmed. I agree with the others - pull him out and find the support he needs. What is he like st home? Has he had a full hearing check?

Lndnmummy · 10/09/2015 18:18

I am so sorry to hear this OP. My don had a similar experience at 3. Sending hugs and !

Chippednailvarnish · 10/09/2015 18:22

Can you go part time for a bit? He might just need an adjustment period...

Original poster

Publicenema · 10/09/2015 18:42

Trying to do this on a phone isn't easy, might have to fire up the PC....lots things to think about, thanks all. I do feel he is overwhelmed, lacking in a focus and unsettled by the free flow nature of the classroom. We looked at many schools in the area including tiny village ones but our gut feel for some reason was that this one offered the best fit to his personality. I have been reassured this evening by another mum saying the reception teacher is the best and would never label or give up on a child. She had a bad year last year with a particularly challenging character but always worked with the parents and the SENCO to try and get this one child to respond. That makes me a lot happier. I will consider carefully whether to make him part time and if things aren't better tomorrow will initiate a discussion very quickly. home schooling is probably not an option. My DS adores the company of other kids (he's an only child) and frankly if he and me were together all day every day there would be carnage!
Thanks for all your support...will let you know how it goes...

OP posts:

Needinghelp1 · 11/09/2015 14:02

Just marking my place. Sounds very familiar. We have a meeting this afternoon so I'll let you know how we get on.

Lots of good info on here I am going to scribble down.

Lndnmummy · 11/09/2015 14:41

Good luck needinghelp1!

Original poster

Publicenema · 11/09/2015 16:30

How did you get on today Needinghelp1? Xx
I didn't get a chance to speak to the teacher today except for her to say that he'd been much better, they had the opportunity to do lots of positive reinforcement today....but he had been taken to speak to the head because he refused to speak to the teacher eek. We've just had a lovely therapeutic play outside and don't even want to think about school now until Monday morning.

OP posts:

roomonamop · 11/09/2015 17:24

Taken to the head for refusing to speak to the teacher??? That seems way over the top and very cruel. My son sometimes won't respond to people but I know it is because it takes time for him to open up.

missnevermind · 11/09/2015 17:33

My son didn't speak to the teacher for nearly 6 weeks in reception so taking him to the head would've been a full-time job

tigerscameatnight · 11/09/2015 17:42

I'm sorry but as an ex hlta taking a brand new starter four years old who may be nervous/shy/scared to the head for refusing to talk is bloody stupid.

Mitzi50 · 11/09/2015 17:56

I agree with tiger taking a 4 yr old to the HT for not talking seems bizarre. I taught reception for many years, it was relatively common to have a new starter who was too shy to speak. IME trying to pressurise them into talking would just exacerbate the situation.

I'm glad he had a better day generally though.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 11/09/2015 18:00

Depends why they wouldnt speak, shy, fine, not answering why they hit Mary, is not OK.
OP you seem to know he would cause chaos at home, why are you surprised he cant cope at school? The teacher has 29 other children to divide her attention, why is he throwing things? Is this OK at home?
Does he call you names? How do you handle it at home? Can you give school the usual coping stratagies you use that work? Have you made any appointments to warn them of his behaviour?

Viviennemary · 11/09/2015 18:44

It does seem wrong that the school has come down so heavily on a child who is only 4 after all and has only attended school for three days. And taking him to the Head for refusing to talk to a teacher is downright pathetic IMHO. I agree with at least considering another school or letting him wait till next year to start.

Needinghelp1 · 11/09/2015 19:54

Hello! We got on really well - thank you. We are feeling very reassured and they took us very seriously.

As mentioned on my thread by someone the school are going to communicate in a book so we're not 'summoned' with DS in tow and in front of other parents.

Also they're starting a reward chart just got him and are going to 'build him back up' with heaps of positives.

I'm so glad your DS has had a better day! Ours too, marginally but better.

Feel so much better the air is cleared and we are heading into next week.

Yes I understand that compliance is vital in Reception but the first week is surely an exception. Some kids get very upset or toilet accidents - maybe our DSs behaviour worsens.

Original poster

Publicenema · 11/09/2015 21:53

Needinghelp1 I'm so glad you had a good meeting. Sounds like your school is really serious about helping the kids and I hope your DS will be built up to achieve extreme happiness.
To clarify my comment about DS not talking to the teacher - I suspect he was asked about an incident and said outright 'I'm not talking to you'. He says that to me quite a lot. I know he is also capable of saying 'shut up' which is a recent thing and I have no idea where that's comes from as we never say that to him. That certainly does get punished in this house.
I am still torn about what to do.
Sally he had a SENCO at nursery who had a handover meeting with the school and his teacher has all the SENCO notes. As far as I'm aware we are using the same strategies but for some reason in this new environment he is taking great exception to being disciplined. Sigh....let's enjoy the weekend and see what next week brings

OP posts:

Needinghelp1 · 11/09/2015 22:04

It's four days. Long days, new teacher, new mix of kids, new rules, new faces. And school dinners!

I honestly believe at this point we shouldn't know about anything that's not very serious.

Enjoy the weekend and please message me as it sounds like we are in very similar situations - and my boy is not as young as yours.

Xxx

Needinghelp1 · 11/09/2015 22:06

And my DS has been coming out with lots of phrases and we have no idea of their origin x

Flip

1 2