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Original poster

8 year old dd questioning the existence of Father Christmas - what should I say??!!

40 replies

cruisemum1 · 24/11/2006 09:16

My dd will be 9 in January and is seriously questioning the validity and logistics of there being a Santa. She has no older siblings to spill the beans but obviously some of her school friends are wised up already! Don't know how to tell her as she said the other day "Mummy, Ellie said Santa isn't real, you wouldn't lie to me would you?" I think she kind of knows but still wants to believe. Advice please.....

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CunningMaloryTowers · 24/11/2006 09:20

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Glassofwine · 24/11/2006 09:26

My dd1 then aged 6 was like this last year, we bought Polar Express on dvd by coincidence - after watching it she decided it was definately true. Also whenever the lo's ask a logical question like how does santa get out of the chimney when we have a woodburning stove - we just say that we don't know, but it's all just magic - does the trick.

hulababy · 24/11/2006 09:28

Just ask her what she believes...and your response could be that "FC is a lovely story about sharing and giving...a special magical story for children to believe in."

Don't worry about the lie bit. I have yet to meet any child or adult (although there are some on MN IIRR) who have ever been traumatised by finding otu FC wasn't real.

Do you have younger children, or even some younger children in the family/close friends? If she really is read to not believe - get her involved in keeping the magic going for them - then she gets to see the nice giving/sharing aspect of it all. My sister is 9 years younger than me and it felt very special and grown up being able to be involved that way, and also helps explain the "lie" aspect.

CunningMaloryTowers · 24/11/2006 09:29

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TheHighwayCod · 24/11/2006 09:29

i dont lie to mine
if they suss it ill say

CunningMaloryTowers · 24/11/2006 09:30

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hulababy · 24/11/2006 09:30

Magic key here. At the "turning on of the lights" in the city, the mayor (or whoever) gives FC (who visits that night) a special key that will ensure he can leave presents for every child in the city.

Glassofwine · 24/11/2006 09:31

Also dd said that FC couldn't possibly be your parents buying presents as Mummy and Daddy couldn't afford that much - how true!

SoMuchToBits · 24/11/2006 09:32

LOL at woodburning stove - I also had a problem with Santa's arrival, when I was a kid, as there was a gas fire in front of the fireplace in our house. I worked out that, since Father Christmas was magic, he must shrink very small when coming down the chimney, emerge through the hole where the pilot light was, and then resume his normal size!

We don't have a chimney in our modern house, so I have told ds that Santa comes in through the back door (he did ask me the other day, "Why the BACK door, Mummy, why not the front?")

nearlythree · 24/11/2006 09:36

My mum told me that it's the children believing in him that make FC real, so that so long as I believed he existed, IYSWIM.

TheHighwayCod · 24/11/2006 09:37

ds2 woudlnt
i dont LIKE hte whoel FC thing that mucha anwyay tbh
i mean ll go alogn wiht it
but i hate the over the top elaborate pretence

LadyMuck · 24/11/2006 09:47

We felt that it was unfair on him socially for us to be encouraging him into continuing to "believe" when other children in his class were aware of the truth. Age 5 he is still very much going along with it as far as his younger brother (3) is concerned (in fact I think he forgets that he "knows" at times). So many half-trucths go around at school that I want him to know that we will tell him the truth. Whilst Christmas is still some way off in the Muck household, lists have been made, Operation Christmas child and Operation MN have been adopted, letters to Santa have been drafted, and we will still have a magical time.

nearlythree · 24/11/2006 10:06

I don't like the link between FC, being 'good' and getting presents.

DumbledoresGirl · 24/11/2006 10:12

I am having such difficulty with this! My two older children (10 and nearly 9) I think have sussed. I think ds1 sussed last year actually, but kept up the pretence because I always jokingly say "if you don't believe in FC, he won't bring you anything!"

But now, they have surely sussed (I am not sure how to check that they have sussed without giving it away if they haven't sussed...) but dd (6) and ds3 (3) obviously haven't. I really don't want my older boys giving it away to the younger two, but that is just the kind of cruel thing they would do.

OTOH, it would be soooooooooo nice not to have to pretend in FC anymore so that I don't have to keep so many presents hidden from everyone eg if they all knew it was really me, I wouldn't have to hide presents for the dss say, from dd.

sunnysideup · 24/11/2006 10:21

Most kids work out the truth much earlier than we think they do, in my opinion. They really don't need to be actively told it is real once they start questioning it I reckon - specially once they are 8 or 9, I think honesty is needed but couched within a sensitive framework like Hula's idea of getting them involved in helping little ones experience the magic....

And so agree, nearlythree, I don't make FC anything to do with ds being good...children deserve christmas and I don't like to interfere with the magic of it all by making it dependent on everyday things iykwim.

Pruni · 24/11/2006 10:23

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daisy1999 · 24/11/2006 10:27

mine questioned me on the tooth fairy and I told them the truth. I agree with THC, I don't like to lie to them. My dd 7 is starting to question FC and I think this will be the last year she believes.
like LM I worry socially that she will be ridiculed by other children who know.
As an aside she has started to view God in the same way as tooth fairy and FC. For anyone who is religious it is worth thinking about how you handle telling them that TF and FC don't exist when you have pretended for so long. My dd seems to be waiting for me to tell her that God is made up as well. Not a problem for heathens!

Pruni · 24/11/2006 10:36

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MerlinsBeard · 24/11/2006 10:36

I hate the whole if your good u will get presents thong. some children are too young to grasp the concept of good and bad properly.

DS1 knows, at the moment, that mummy and daddy buy presents to send to father christamas to deliver. hes only 3 so the question hasn't arisen yet.

hannahsaunt · 24/11/2006 11:38

I find the whole concept of lying to my children hard and the older they get the more elborate it all becomes and adds to the whole present pressure. We do Saint Nicholas and tie the whole story with the Nativity and it doesn't lose the magic at all - still do stockings etc but in the spirit of rather than the "reality" of...(our boys are 3.5 and 6).

poppiesinaline · 24/11/2006 11:49

My friend's DD (aged 5) boldly announced to my DS1 (9) and DD (6) that 'The Tooth Fairy isnt real. Its your mummy that puts money under your pillow'. I asked her about Santa. She seemed adamant that Santa was real

The look on their faces was pure and devastation

I replied, that maybe the TF doesnt come to children who dont believe. They seemed happy with that.

I asked her about Santa. She seemed adamant that Santa was real

We are Christians and I personally dont have a problem with the whole Santa/Fairy thing. I think its part of the magic of childhood. If when they get to 11 or so and ask me directly if they exist, I shall not lie to them and plan to explain the 'game that grown ups play' to make it exciting for children. I shall in the same conversation say that God is real.

jellybrain · 24/11/2006 14:37

DS1(9) asked about this and the tooth fairy and the advent calender fairy (don't ask! - ). He is quite happy to accept that FC and the TF don't exist (he thinks they're unfair anyway as they don't treat all children equally! -bless his 'socialist' heart)
Though he was devestated when I confirmed that I made up the calender fairy because she's his favourite
We have agreed conspirationally (is that actually a word?) to keep the pretence going for ds2 (6) and dd (16 months) and he is quite excited about this. Though ds2 is quite adamant that FC isn't real, having said that, he has written to FC and confirmed that his behaviour this year has of course been close to perfect

jellybrain · 24/11/2006 14:49

Just another thought to add to this really sparked by ds1 saying that he though FC was unfair because some kids had lots of expensive presents and others didn't. We got round this by just giving a stocking and a few small presents from FC and then their bigger presents being from us. How do the rest of you get around this one?
If you were on a low income for example and your childs BF received loads of expensive gifts. Would that mean that fc loved your child more or conversely if things were the other way around.
What about the kids growing up in Care etc (often get asked to donate gifts for them)doesn't FC love them too?
Before anyone gets upset I'm not trying to be confrontational - just wondering what you all think?

poppiesinaline · 24/11/2006 16:24

In our house, Santa brings one very small present for each child and leaves it at the end of the bed. The rest of the presents are bought by us and other family members and friends. We 'send' them to Santa and if the children are good he delivers them for us Christmas morning and those are the ones found downstairs

LadyMuck · 24/11/2006 17:45

My ds's don't really have an understanding of the comparative costs of presents, so they would deem the value of Christmas presents more by "did they get what they asked for?" I ensure that I manage expectations well in advance, so they are now both drilled into what they are asking for. They each get a large present from FC as well as a stocking. So the stocking is stuff that they haven't asked for - they're chuffed 'cause they got even more than they were expecting (and I can stick to a budget if I want to!)