Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I can only sleep when I touch you mummy and if you walk more than two paces from me I will scweam and scweam and scweam til snot fills my cot and I drown....

32 replies

flamesparrow · 17/11/2006 13:16

Velcro baby. Is under the impression that he must have physical contact with me at ALL times, especially bedtime.

Tonight is the night to tackle it (CC does NOT work) - planning on doing a pick up put down type thing... would it be best ME doing it (with a lot of coffee...), or DH?

Thinking DH will find it easier because he isn't the one who is desperately needed at all times, but that we then might have problems when it is my turn???

Or should it be DH to break the cycle?

ARGH

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

flamesparrow · 17/11/2006 13:17

8 months btw

OP posts:

lulumama · 17/11/2006 13:18

did laugh at the thread title! tough one...maybe DH to start and when he is more inclined to be left . you can carry on?

FrannyandZooey · 17/11/2006 13:20

Probably stating the obvious, but have you tried co-sleeping? It could be a lot easier (and more pleasant) to just go with the flow, than try to train a high need 8 month old into breaking a natural dependency?

AitchTwoOh · 17/11/2006 13:22

dd is 11 months and has just started getting really clingy with me at night. she's totally 'at it', tbh. i've found that calpol does help, so i've been putting it down to anxiety caused by tooth pain as well as separation anxiety phase. you have my sympathy.

we don't really do much about it, just keep going back into her room to re-settle her and eventually she goes down. it's worse the more tired she is, so we try to make sure she's in the bedroom for stories by 6.30pm at the latest.

Twiglett · 17/11/2006 13:24

I think you should wait a couple of months .. 8 months .. height of separation anxiety

ok I appreciate this doesn't help you in any way, shape or form but thought an unsolicited piece of advice that flies completely in the face of what you want to do might fit in nicely

just about .... here

northerner · 17/11/2006 13:24

This has got to be funniest thread title ever

AitchTwoOh · 17/11/2006 13:24

oh yes and if she gets upset by her teeth in the middle of the night we often co-sleep. she's a good sleeper in essence so i'm not particularly fussed about these blips.

lulumama · 17/11/2006 13:25

lol!!

lulumama · 17/11/2006 13:25

at twiglett , i mean !

JessaJam · 17/11/2006 13:26

DS tried this phase a couple of months ago (is 15 months now)...I did pick up put down, and kneeling by side of cot with hand on his back/cheek without 'interacting' in a big way...then graduated s-l-o-w-l-y to no actual touching but me sitting on floor in nursery (bring a book/knitting/something) so he could pop his head up over the cot every so often and check I was still there..but take himself off to sleep.

Still have to stay with him but no pickupputdown, just sitting on floor for about 30 minutes and can even sneak out once he is almost alseep and if/when he notices I'm gone he just lies back down again (he may shrug too, but I'm not there to see!!)

clarinsgirl · 17/11/2006 13:30

Sounds familiar! After being a great sleeper, at around 8 mo my DS went through a very similar phase. This was something he grew out of after a couple of months and went back to happily going to sleep in his cot. Co-sleeping worked for us and saved tears and tantrums all round. Try not to worry, I'm sure it will work out.

Cakehead · 17/11/2006 13:34

Yep, we did co-sleeping too, and it wasn't hard to change the routine once DD was more settled. She sleeps fine now, at 15 months.

If you're going to tackle it tonight though, take it in turns to go in. We did for a while and it made no difference which of us was in there, and meant the other got a slight break in between. Good luck!

Original poster

flamesparrow · 17/11/2006 13:34

We're co-sleeping at the moment and I am exhausted. I fall into a deep sleep and he decides that he needs to squeeze my face with his talons to check I am still there (His nails grow amazingly fast)

Reading all this though, and thinking about his complete lack of teeth (they've gotta be hurting hiding under those gums), his age, and just his need for me in general... I think it might be a losing battle whatever method we choose.

I will mull it over a bit more and either end up sitting touchign his cheek for ages, or just go with the flow a bit longer.

OP posts:

riab · 17/11/2006 13:41

love the thread title!

I take it you have treid CC then? I found it did work IN THE END! DS was / is very determined and we had to do Gradual withdrawal stuff first so he got used to falling asleep without me ohlding him. then once he coudl go to sleep in his cot wiht me just sat next to him we progressed onto me leaving him to go to sleep without me in the room!!!

We did it over 2 weeks and we found alternating each night wokred best so he would get used to either one of us doing it. Each stage lasted 2-4 nights and at each stage you remove ONE thing that bubs is dependant on. So if you DS must have you holding him, singing abba and cluthing his blankie then start wiht one abba song but then stop and just hold him til he goes to sleep.

If oyu have one of the jack in the box varietys of babies he may well pop up the minute you put him down in his cot. In that case, get a stool, sit next to the cot and hold him with one arm IN THE COT. it KILLS your back but it does teach him to go to sleep in his cot. After 3 nights you shoudl be able to progress to just holding his hand or strokign his leg which is easier on your back than bending over the cot trying to cuddle him through the bars!

I think PU/PD is difficult to do with babies who can stand up on their own. I went for patting and Shhing. then just Shhing, then just a goodnight lullaby and sitting by the bed.

good luck

funnypeculiar · 17/11/2006 13:49

Lovin the title...

DD is 8 mths too, and tbh, has never been a great sleeper. Neither was ds. We tried cc with him a few times(although not til he was older) and it never worked (kept it up for 2 weeks once, so reckon we gave it a decent chance...)

Depending how quickly you want things to work , have you tried the no cry sleep soln by Elizabeth Pantley - slower than cc, but invovles a far lower snot/scream production rate...

With dd, we're trying to comfort her in her cot for 30mins, then bringing her into bed so she can sleep with both hands on my face whilst licking my cheek - justifying it that at some point, when she needs us less, she'll decide the 30mmins ain't worth the hassle ... She will GO to sleep on her own fine, though, and sounds like you ds ain't playing that game...

Original poster

flamesparrow · 17/11/2006 13:51

CC worked when he was smaller... now he can stand he just screams for ever more (hence the snot building up)

I had the bright idea of swaddling him the other night, but where he still needs one hand out (thumbsucker), he sort of slugs his way to the edge and still pulls himself up to stand

The shush pat thing... I'm not sure if I do it wrong or if DS is just uncoperative - he tends to chew my hand and laugh (better than the normal tears though)!!!

Argh - DD was a star - we did PUPD at about 3 months, and again at 9 months. It was easy, she co-operated. She slept through from 12 weeks...

He is a lovely placid baby (or he was til he turned 8 months now he needs to touch me awake or asleep), but he really hasn't sussed this sleeping through thing!!!

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 17/11/2006 13:52

dh definitely

we did this; and it was always his turn till the job was done

it had been my turn for months

he started off with his hand on her tummy, then removed himself a little bit more each night till he made it to the bedroom door

ishouldbeironing · 17/11/2006 13:52

One of my DTS went through a similar stage at 8 months.
I refused to give in to her and let her sleep with us but looking back I now regret it.
She has also been a bit more clingy and I think that she just missed me.
Now that she is 11 and growing independent of me I miss her
Velcro baby will grow out of it - promise

riab · 17/11/2006 14:00

flamesparrow, what happens if you sit next to the cot? far enough away that he can't reach you but close enough to be seen. Just sit still and don't react to him. I foudn that in the end that reassured DS that i was there so he would calm down, but it did involve snot for up to 90 minutes!

btw if cosleeping works for you thats great but cosleeping for me equals no sleep at all, plus DS actually sleeps worse with me - tired it out of desperation at 9 months. He wakes up every hour and has to punch me in the face to check that i'm awake too!

Original poster

flamesparrow · 17/11/2006 14:03

Temper screaming... followed my heart rending sobbing Maybe I'm just too soft?

I think I need to discuss with DH what he wants to do tonight and go from there.

I just want him to miraculously stop wanting me and sleep through the night

OP posts:

LadyOfThePoinsettias · 17/11/2006 14:06

i dont know if this will help but ds1 (16m) would not settle at night. i would spend ages led with him only for him to scream when i tried to leave.
when dh was home for 3 weeks after ds2s arrival he put him to bed every night. he just put him in his cot and walked away. ds just accepted it!
i was very upset as i hadnt seen eastenders etc for a year, coaxing him into bed evey night and dh just goes and puts him to bed! total pisstake!
i would suggest your dh does it.
he wont have the 'clingy' connection then and will accept it better i think.

riab · 17/11/2006 14:07

campbed mattess, quilt, lie down next to him, earpones on or earplugs in. Then wait it out. If you are right next to him you aren't abandoning him. Its hellish i know - been there several times but honestly it does get better. They just need your help to learn that its ok to go to sleep in their cot on their own.

The sobs are the worst, I had to grit my teeth and stick it out via enya at one stage!!! Get DH/P to help though. it needs oyu both to be conisstant otherwise if you someitmes cave in after 40 miutes and pick him up he will know thta it IS worth crying cos eventually he will get what he wants. The trick is to teach him that he doesn't get rewarded for crying.

riab · 17/11/2006 14:09

Ladyof the P

yes this happened with us too! i used ot have a hellishly long bedtime ritual, after Dh doing the beditme thing i learnt that just one cuddle, in cot, one lullaby and leaving the room works just fine if oyu mean it!

Original poster

flamesparrow · 17/11/2006 14:16

Decision made... managed to put him in his cot for 30 mins - just woken and he felt "a bit hot" - inner ear temp between 39.1 and 39.9 (normally 36.1)

Methinks its a night of cuddles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

jacobliam · 17/11/2006 14:19

let dh do it, i went out the other night for the first time since ds2 was born, 7 months, first time daddy did bed time and he went down a treat. babies love to manipulate, esp mummy!!!!

i fully understand the velco bit, all day long he wants to be attatched to me. velcro would be a good idea now you come to mention it, save an awful lot of arm and back ache!!!! good luck for when you try it x

Flip

1 2