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Original poster

Keep losing my temper with 4 year old

52 replies

Rasell · 24/06/2015 23:52

My eldest boy is 4.5. He's a lovely boy, caring, affectionate, funny... I love him to bits. But he keeps being naughty & it's getting worse. Ever day he blows spitty raspberries right at you, he refuses to do lots of the things we request. He argues & tells me off, basically repeating what I say to him. He won't take no for an answer and goes on and on demanding things. He screams and shouts all of the time. In any given hour of the day we'll go from playing, laughing & singing together to screaming blue murder. I can't help but be outraged that he won't listen to us. I'm horrified by the way I speak to him & shout at him. I've said some horrible things and am terrified I'll make him have low self-esteem or hate me. I love him with all my heart but just have no patience left to calmy ask him to stop doing the same things on a daily basis. How do you manage your kid's bad behaviour without losing it? Any advice greatly appreciated. Thank you x

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Newusername1234567 · 08/08/2025 10:00

Rasell · 08/08/2025 08:41

@Newusername1234567 wow, this really is an old post!
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.
My boy is a wonderful teenager; creative, easy going, fun and talented. There is still some yelling on both sides, but not excessive. We're very close and have a trusting and open relationship...pretty much what I would've hoped for when he was little. I carry that regret and guilt with me always, though. It seems to have affected me more than him, thankfully.
I think that at the end of the day, none of us is perfect and as long as the child is getting a lot more love and positivity throughout the day some telling off and shouting won't have a massive, long lasting effect on him...but obviously, it won't do either of you any good and you want him to feel safe and cherished, not scared or forced.
There are loads of books, podcasts, insta posts and resources nowadays that might be helpful to you...and all of them say don't punish yourself for what you've done up til now and it's not too late. I think lots of armchair experts on mumsnet could do with listening to that. Mumsnetters are often incredibly cruel and seem to like the sound of their own voice!
Take stock today; he is only little and is pushing the boundaries. It's just a phase and everyone has done it. When you feel yourself about to boil over, imagine you've got a cappuccino; smell it, blow the foam...or pinch your earlobes and count...or leave the room for a quick breather if you can.
Raising kids is amazing but it's also hard and we're all learning as we go.
Everyone makes mistakes, I'm sure even @holeinmyheart has (if you're still around, your comment was awful, uneccessary and damaging).
Good luck to you and your precious boy! Xxx

Oh wow you replied! I dont think i was actually expecting a reply after 10 years but your post resonated with me so much.

its really reassuring your boy turned out to be awesome! That guilt is killing sometimes, mind spiralling and you are worried he will have low self esteem, wont have a good relationship with you, be afraid of you, wont want to talk etc etc. All because i get overwhelmed and start yelling.

just got myself a book, yell less love more, orange rhino, and will do everything i can to stop yelling and getting worked up over nothing. I became everything i hate and everything i always said i wont be. Depressing.

glad you and your son are doing well. Its really nice to see the update after so many years. Bit terrifying as well as my boy is as little as yours was when you posted here..and now you have a teenager, time flies and i dont want to miss any moment i can have with my son.

last two days were really awful. I was awful, really awful. But today is a new day, i love him way too much and he deserves better

thank you @Rasell 🌺

Original poster
Rasell · 08/08/2025 11:38

I sometimes get notifications from really old posts and I happened to have the phone in my hand when it beeped!
It can be overwhelming...and other stuff in life can just be too much sometimes. Plus, if you're from a shouty family you can have lots of ideals about being different but in the heat of the moment, it can be your default until you change it.
Time flies! Over the last 10 years we've really been through a lot as a family but we're a solid unit and although no doubt there'll be loads more issues over the years, I feel like we'll be ok, my son will be OK. He's bloody amazing, I'm so proud of him...even if he still drives me mad sometimes!
Try to focus on the good days and good times and then it will be easier to not feel like its always going wrong and you're not good enough, you'll be happier and more equipped to deal with niggles and it will just all be more positive. All the best xxx

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