bought an 80 quid car sear - that ds just wriggles out of. HELP!

[ruty]

DS, two, has turned into a raging little beast. Still has his lovely moments, but tantrums now HUGE.
He is a big boy and has started hating his car seat. We put it down to the fact that he is growing too big for it, got him weighed at mothercare and, yes, he needed a bigger one. But the ones on offer for 15kilos and up use the car seat belt to secure child and seat. Ds liked it for the first day, now screams, pulls the belt off and wriggles out. I am at my wits end when I am alone with him. Don't know what to do. Even if i could get a car seat that has securing straps i am not sure i can get him in on my own - he fights me tooth and nail. He is a lovely little boy generally but really has terrible moments. Anyone else experienced this?

Yup! Had a friend whose 2yo son did this. She gave him a detailed chat about the physical effects of smashing through the windscreen if they had a crash and told him it was up to him if he wanted to die and not be able to play with his toys or see mummy and daddy any more.

He never did it again and seems not to have suffered any emotional scarring (he's 14 now)!

gosh must have been a very advance 2 year old! No way my ds would ever understand the concept of any of that right now.

IMO car seats are sooooooo badly designed.

They should cross over the body twice...once over the left shoulder and once over the right shoulder so they click into the car seat belt.

My ds (2) is the same. He wriggles out of it or presses the red button and climbs out. I bought him the Fisherprice one which clicks in and holds so they cant pull it over the head but he is out of it in seconds.

Dont know what to do so will watch this with interest!

interesting collision, so what do you do? Let him loose in the back? If dh and me are together and he is really bad, one of us has to sit in the back and physically restrain him, and it has got to the point that now i can't drive with him on my own. i was thinking of getting a bike and a child seat but if he wriggles out of that while i'm cycling he could be a gonner. What the hell do i do?

Message withdrawn

looks like it's just you and me collison.

ginnedupmummy I don't smack my children any more, but I did when they were little if they were doing something that could endanger their lives.

In our local churchyard is the grave of a 4 year old boy whose mum was test driving a new car. He was in the back - bouncing around all excited. When she got back to the garage she misjudged the turn, clipped the kerb at only about 5mph and the car bumped up it. The child fell out of the open window, landed on his head and died instantly.

So ruty smack him if you have to - it's one of those times that if reasoning won't work you've got to do SOMETHING to keep him safe.

well i'm not going to smack him - even if i did i think it would just upset him even more and it wouldn't stop him wriggling out. So i guess i'm going to have to give up the car completely. And forget about a bicycle too. Great. Effing great.

When my kids went through this phase (and they all do!) I made a point of stopping the car each time to tell them not to and re-do the strap. Even if it meant pulling onto teh hard shoulder of the motorway. Eventually they stoppe ddoing it. My neighbour (with twins) waited until they had both undone their straps and did an emergency stop when coming down our (very quiet) road. Apparently they got enough of a fright to stop doing it.

Papoose, maybe?!

Seriously, there must be places that he LOVES to go by car, surely? I'd be inclined to work out a programme of 'special treats' but if he objects to getting in the car seat then don't go. Or if you are driving, stop the car and tell him he must get back in. If he won't then turn round and go home.

He'll soon work it out.

You could also try going out with a friend with an older child who uses a car seat happily - your ds will want to be 'grown up'.

The only other thing that occurs to me is this... is there something unpleasant that he associates with a car journey? If he attends a nursery maybe he's unhappy there?

try distraction.

DS has a favourite book that he is ONLY allowed in the car. Also, for special treats when he is really good, he can have a magazine that he can only read in the car. He will always chhose the magazine with the crappiest free toy.

also - my friend has car DVD that works for her kids. A bit extreme but may be worth borrowing one to see if it works before buying.

good luck

yes fortyplus we recently returned from a long car trip across europe. Stupid, i know. We did break up the trip by staying two or three days with friends after every day of driving, but he really had had enough of the car by the end. But he was ok [ish] in his old car seat, would kick up a fuss and then calm down because he couldn't get out. Now he can get out of the new one it is impossible to persuade him to stay in voluntarily. I am really hoping it is just a phase. Was lookinf forward to getting a bicycle but don't want it to be a waste of money if he won't stay in a bike seat. So stressful.

he is so stubborn hoxhoxhox that no amount of bribery/distraction/pleading has worked so far!

You do need to work out a strategy to distinguish between the "mustn't because it is dangerous" and "I don't like you doing that" types of behaviour as this will be just one area he will push the boundaries on .

It is a novelty to undo the seatbelt and get attention but if you stop the car or refuse to move on until he leaves it alone then eventually he'll get the idea. Try the idea of a it being a Big Boy seat that he is trusted to leave done up and show him examples of older kids complying whenever you are out. Have a special toy or book to occupy his fingers. Perhaps a booster seat wasn't such a good idea at such a young age - if all else fails could you get hold of a larger capacity harnessed one such as a Britax Elite or Evolva 123 and put the other one aside for now ?

yes LIZS, it wasn't such a good idea - i didn't anticipate him being able to get out of it and i thought [as he did on the first day] that he would love it. will look up those other brands online - thank you - though god knows how we'll afford to buy yet another one.

Is he actually undoing the belt or just wriggling out? If he is undoing the belt you can get childproof clips to go over the belt to stop that.

Can he take a t-shirt off yet? What I did with Ds2 (special needs and not yet able to take a t-shirt off) was to cut the back out of an old t-shirt (leaving the front, armholes and collar) and then put it on him over the top of the seatbelt. They can't slip their arms out without taking the t-shirt off. After a while he got used to the feeling of the belt and I didn't need to bother with the t-shirt anymore.

cor that is rather clever thinking saker! Now i just have to persuade him to put the t shirt on! [we have a kicking and screaming event just to get dressed in morning.] yes, he is wriggling out of it, not unclipping it. Might try that, thankyou.

Hope it works

At least if your long journey was recent you can be hopeful that he'll soon readjust to the idea that it's fun to go in the car.

But LIZS is right - there are times for all of us when we need to understand that we have no choice but to act in a certain way or we are putting ourselves (or others) in danger. This is a fundamental tenet of good parenting and you need to be winning the battles now or you'll be appearing on Supernanny in a few years' time!

no i won't, but thanks anyway!

Actually - why DO people go on reality tv? They must be barmy! Good luck, ruty

I had the same problem with my daughter until I worked out a way of making her co-operate. I let her take a favoured possesion in to the car with her and if she refused to sit in her seat, i'd say to her I'm going to count to five and if your not in your car seat then I'm going to take your rabbit away. I never had to get to five!. It works a treat, I wish I'd thought of it sooner.
Another thing to try, my dad did it to me as a child. We were driving along slowly one day and I'd undone my belt in the back. My dad didn't say a word, he just put his foot on the break sending me flying. He then calmly said "that's why we wear seatbelts". It certainly worked for me!!
Hope this helps Good Luck.

A 2 year old really needs a 5 point harness, imo.