timeout for 8 month old with tantrums?

[KBlais]

my 8 month old daughters behaviour is extremely volatile and i really need help and advice re a solution. i cannot leave her side without her having a meltdown - she will be playing happily on the floor without me but as soon as i get up to leave the room she starts screaming. its not crying it is actual screaming. its been happening for months and my mother and some friends with babies have said that this goes way beyond separation anxiety and that if i dont break the habit soon it could get worse as she gets older. im so worried. people have suggested putting her in the stay and play in our bedroom with some toys when she starts "kicking off" and leaving her there until she calms down, then giving her lots of cuddles and praise and bringing her back to play again and repeating the process until she associates the "bad" behaviour with no reward and the "good" behaviour with cuddles and praise. im desperate to break this cycle but im not sure if leaving her to scream is the answer? my stepfather and i tried something at his place when she started last week - we left her in her highchair with him whilst he tiled the bathroom. she was literally two feet from him, could see him and he talked to her the whole time so she wasnt alone...hes not a stranger to her and she wasnt in a strange place....she screamed for an hour straight, banging her highchair table with her fists...in the end we gave up as she was giving everyone a headache! im exhausted and alone and desperate to hear if anyone else has been through this and what they found worked. thanks so much!! xx

And yes, it is absolutely and utterly exhausting so thanks so much to the mums of high needs babies who took so much time to give me such comprehensive advice - I know you don't have a lot of time on your hands!! smile

My high needs baby turned 18 today.

You'll be pleased to hear that she chose to go to school rather than spend the day with me (she is on study leave) and is currently still at the pub with the 12 friends she shared a meal with to celebrate tonight. Not a hint of separation anxiety

It will get better. You just need to be kind to yourself in the meantime and try not to listen to too much 'advice'

It doesnt matter one bit that your stepfather was two feet from her while she screamed for an hour. The issue is that she was left to scream for an hour! The fact that she continued screaming tells you it was no comfort to her at all that he was there. How distressing for the poor thing. Common sense would have told you that would solve nothing but give you an incredibly stressed child. I agree that my post is harsh but i am honestly in shock that you did it and even more so now that you are actually justifying it.

outsself I'm facepalming at how stupid some @people can be!

Exactly my feeling when i read what you did. Not exactly sure how my anger at a baby being left to scream for an hour makes me stupid though.

It doesnt matter one bit that your stepfather was two feet from her while she screamed for an hour.

Of course it does!

The OP left her with a familiar, loving adult to reassure and distract her while making a last ditch attempt to work out the best way to manage a horrifically stressful situation. She didn't carelessly toss the child in her cot hungry wet and cold and toddle off out for a drink

She was following the advice of other, more experienced, parents. They were wrong but the OP wasn't to know that.

Not exactly sure how my anger at a baby being left to scream for an hour makes me stupid though.

It may not make you stupid but I think it makes you unreasonable. Maybe you should seek some help for your anger issues.

I don't think your anger is helpful though, Surly. It just made the OP defensive and put her into battle qith what you were saying. She has read all of the thread, with everyone but everyone giving advice that if she follows means that situation won't happen again. She's a first time mum with people really pressuring her and basically saying her baby needs to be let to cry, and she was looking for back up because it didn't feel right to her. So we gave it. Your anger is just not really adding anything but a kicking to someone who is already down.

Surlycue what is the real point of your post? It doesn't provide support. It isn't telling her anything she hasn't already realised. Are you just trying to make her feel guilty? And that would be good why?

The OP left her with a familiar, loving adult to reassure and distract her while making a last ditch attempt to work out the best way to manage a horrifically stressful situation

If it had been for maybe 5-10 minutes to see if it worked then fine, i totally get that, but after then when it wasnt working and she was still screeching then fgs you stop it! An hour is awful.

It may not make you stupid but I think it makes you unreasonable.
Really? In what way unreasonable?

I agree my anger isnt helpful. I'll stop posting. Not an excuse but i genuinely was/am in shock and posted with a knee jerk response to what i'd read. Glad OP has had good advice here. Agree she needs to ignore the family pressure.

I'd maybe ask DH to read this thread too OP? As you've highlighted, it's hard for dads and other caregivers too - he's not doing anything wrong, it's just a phase the baby is going through, albeit a hard one for dads who just want to spend time with their wee ones. for him too!

@lonnyvonny - you think it'd help if he read it? I might suggest that but would certainly feel vulnerable whilst he did read it! I loved reading both of your posts by the way - thanks so much!

If he's feeling frustrated that DD is so clingy with you it might help him to see that there's a reason for it, it's common and it's not anything that he's doing... But you know him best of course

I bought my baby the same age a baby walker and i pop her in that if im leaving the room so she can follow me if she wants. x