How to cope with my autistic sons behaviour in public?

[Shootingstar2289]

My son is 4, and awaiting an autism diagnosis. At home, he is very well behaved. But in public he tests my patience so much:

1. He just runs off without warning. In shops, he could be stood still and then all of a sudden he bolts off. I ran and grab him and tell him off but, he just does it again. At the local theme park, he could be playing on one thing - gets off - then runs without letting me know. I used to be able to run fast after him but being pregnant slows me down a little.

1. He hates waiting in queues and screams if he has to wait. He doesn't get the idea of shops. When theshop assistant takes our items, he screams like she's state along them - and its a very high pitched scream.

1. He's obesssed with pressing buttons and machines - cash machines, door opening buttons, parking ticket machines, arcade machines and vending machines. He screams when I take him away.

I'm often in tears after a day out, we go out and about quite a lot. You'd thig he would learn by now.

We went to a theme park today. He was playing so nicely then just runs off to go In the amusement arcade. And screamed when I wouldn't let him have pennies.

Any advice?

Is there a version of reins that would be appropriate for 4 year old?
Can you carry a small toy with buttons for when you are in a queue?
Hoping someone with better ideas will be along soon.

You poor thing, it sounds stressful. I have similar behaviour from our DS (3) and all I can do is respond as calmly as I can eg saying please use your normal voice if he's screaming about something. And I anticipate his running out so sometimes put him on a scooter with my hand firmly on it.
If he screams about wanting pennies I would calmly just give him a logical reason he can't (it's not your birthday/ you're not allowed to do for things/ that sort of thing works with mine and if he's too emotional I'll bring it up calmly when he's calm and explain why he couldn't and empathise eg saying I know it felt difficult.

This probably doesn't help but I feel for you

Not allowed to ask for things I mean. Our DC aren't allowed to ask for things in general to avoid me feeling pestered though obviously if they're hungry or thirsty I listen!

I have the same problems with my DC (both have ASD) and I really struggle when out in public with them so don't have any practical advice I'm afraid. It might be worth posting on the SN topic as there are lots if knowledgable posters there.

I use a flexi wristband on ds, I also have a now next later I turn board showing him where we're going and he has to find the shops, I have a picture list board and he has to find the thing we need.

When my ds whines and shrill screams I just get his attention back on the boards. I also explain with picture stories what happens in town with shopping and on the bus.

I have a ds 6 with Aspergers he's usually fine in town, ds 4 high functioning autism not good in town, then I have dd 8 and ds 2. I have to wear ds 2 otherwise I can't manage.

I only go to town if I really need to as its really hard and takes a lot of prep. Lately I've struggelrd getting ds 4 to eat, go to bed or get ready and go with me on the school run.

I hope some of this is helpful as I know how tough it is.

Not I turn - should be picture.

Buggies and reigns.

Have you had an occupational therapy assessment yet? We're having quite good results with a weighted back pack for our 4.5yo (ASD). It's not a proper one - it's a little life bee one with a couple of tins of beans in at the moment! But it seems to help a bit with the running off.

Anyone else find the wind driving their DC crazy?! I blame abney and teal :o

Could you give him a purse with 10p in pennies in it. Beforehand explain that when it's gone, it's gone. After a few weeks he might get into the routine?

Also can you buy a handy gadgety toy with buttons that you can get out during moments you need to queue. You could introduce it as your queue toy and explain its only to be used each time during queuing

Also I agree with telling him what the plan for the day is. Can you make a list (in order) and go through it together, so he knows there's a wait in a shop

My 7yr old has moderate ASD- non-verbal.

I had to realise that my DS like a lot of kids on the spectrum just doesn't have the impulse control that his NT peers would have. No matter how often we go through it, he can't resist the impulse to run off, or stim or push buttons. In a lot of ways you could compare it to people with OCD. Some of his behaviours are compulsions. For my DS at the moment its ripping paper. He just can't help himself, despite all the instructions, social stories etc in the world.

I don't take my DS into town except for an appointment. I take him into shops etc, but just for the socialisation, with a very limited list (1/2 items).

I judge it on benefit vs risk. For me, the benefits for him going to town are negligible, but the risks are huge, so I just don't do it. I do all our errands while he's at school.

We do lots of other stuff like going to woods/playgrounds/swimming etc. And he does shriek and stim etc, which I often find difficult and isolating. But I feel that in my boys case he can't help it.

My ds is 3 and is going through assessment for autism. He behaves exactly this way and his main interest is signs - road signs, exit signs, floor cleaning signs- any of those and he will dart off to look at it and won't want to leave it at all.

To be honest we just let him get on with it as much as possible. We get a lot of odd looks but if there's a sign we let him touch it and look at it for ages until he gets bored. If he doesn't seem to be getting bored and we need to leave it's a case of trying to distract him with something else and if that doesn't work we just let him scream but we try and stay calm so it calms him down quicker.

We do most of our shopping online and try to make trips as short as possible. We use clippasafe reins from kiddicare for walking down the road (these are very large - ds is tall for his age and is in 4-5 year old clothes now). We tuck them into his hood at the park meaning we can reach out and grab him if we need to.

Overall I know it's hard but you have to try not to pay attention to anyone staring. Most of the time it's just because they haven't experienced a child with additional needs. They don't understand it.

You can only do your best.

I find as hard as it is I try not to get annoyed or anxious with ds as this seems to make things 100% times worse. Even if I feel like sticking pins in my eyes I count to 10 and try to sound enthusiastic and in control. It seems to help him when he feels things are out of his control.

Sound like an odd suggestion but we've had some success with the Mitchelin I-spy books. They have new ones and you can still get the vintage ones. They work well when ds is out and needs occupied.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. As my sons speech is delayed, he doesn't understand everything I try to explain to him. When he is at home, on walks in the wood, at the park or anywhere with no distractions.. he is perfect. But take him somewhere that's busy with buttons to push, he doesn't cope very well at all.

If I do a big shop, he sits in the trolley or pushchair but I try to make him walk when I'm going to get a couple bits but he still often runs off.

A few weeks ago we had a tantrum in a cafe as he wanted to press the button that opened the door for wheelchair users and it was very busy.

My son is 10. He has a diagnosis of ASD & ADHD. I also have a 6 year old being assessed for ASD.

I never ever take the boys shopping or to a cafe! Holidays & days out are carefully planned as they dont 'get' ques either.

The least amount of stress possible!

You will grow a thick skin. It helps cope on a day to day basis.

Post in th SN section, it helps to know you're not the only person going through this difficult situation.

You'd think he would learn by now.

He may not but you will learn what works for you.

Shopping's the worst

I have to admit we don't really do cafes or anything like that unless absolutely essential... It tends to mean everyone is stressed and worried about the next screaming fit rather than enjoying it anyway. I think in the case of the wheelchair button I would have tried to maneuver him round so he went through the door with his back to it so he didn't see it (not even sure if that would have been possible, I have to do that a lot with ds and signs) and if he was still desperate to touch it I would have waited until no one wanted to come through and then said he could have 3 presses (depending on how disruptive it was to do so). It is very, very difficult though and at times I think it is inevitable you are going to have huge difficulties in public situations.

I too have been the "awful" parent carrying her child sideways through sainsburys while he screams his head off and looks like he hates me to sit rocking him on the pavement outside to calm down.... All because I pulled him away from looking at a wet floor sign. It's very hard.

Invest in a buggy and some good reigns, it's for his own saftey.

I have two harder to parent children but as mine are offically badly parented, I don't feel able to post advice. But I understand it is hard...at least I can still pick up my screaming, kicking 2.5 yo DD3 but handling 6.5 yo DS can be very tricky.