What are you supposed to do all day with a baby???

[VoodooBanana]

do you spend all day stimulating them?

or try and do housework between feeds/naps?

I take her out to see friends a few times a week, is thid enough?

I am bf so cant really leave her, I have never expressed, she wont have a dummy/bottle, I am fine and happy but is she experiencing enough of life?

Ive just started to feel I am letting her down somehow??

also you don't have to wait till they've had all their immunisations- you can take them whenever you want

LadyU - don't forget that you need to leave some time to go on MN.

lots of ideas...thanks people

I do need to be doing a group I think, she loves watching other kids play.

I am having a bit of a wobble feeling upset at times too- is that normal at the four month time?
I dont know if it has just been a bad week, or what, I will talk to HV on Tues. Anyone felt the same and come through it?

how does PND actually start?

Oh VoodooBanana,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so wobbly. I too felt very wobbly after the birth of my first baby for the first year, I'd say.

I just felt so rattled, under confident and bowled over by the whole birth, parenthood etc. Looking back (baby now 18 months), I can see that having a baby is a very big deal and changes your life so very much that it's completely normal and natural to feel this way.

Don't be hard on yourself. You know you're doing your best and it takes time to feel confident and capable but you will! Do you have support around you at all?

PND - I'd go straight to talk to your GP if you feel the HV is unsatisfactory. If you do have it, then it's important you get the help you need as soon as possible.

Take care and remember to let us know how you get on.

'rattled' is the perfect word for it, really,

overwhelmed in situations like big family do's, busy shopping centres etc,

Ive only noticed it this week really,

Luckilly I have loads of support, but sometimes they dont want to listen, I think they feel if they listen to me they are encouraging me to feel worse, somehow?
Like 'bustle bustle' keep busy and talk about something else!

Know exactly how you feel voodoo. In the same boat myself. Feeling rattled myself. I spoke to my HV about it and she recommended trying Evening Primrose Oil, Star flower oil and my Mum also suggested St Johns Wort. HV said if none of those worked I should get myself to the Dr to ask for anti depressants.
Decided to try the evening primrose etc first and just taking some time out for me. So started doing a yoga class once a week and joined a slimming group. Gets me out of the house but will admit that I do still get a bit down now and again. Esp at 'that time of the month'. Would be good to talk to someone abbout it, I felt as soon as I got it off my chest things started getting better as people were aware that I needed some extra support.
Keep you chin up, it will improve!!!

They are well meaning but if they're not listening to you, then it's not really support as you're needing it. Do you have one friend that you could really confide in? What about your partner or DH?

Don't worry too much because what you're feeling is completely normal. Having said that, if you suspect you have PND, please get that checked out. But if you're feeling a bit miserable, lonely, missing work then it's completely natural. Take it a day at a time and try to enjoy your time with your baby. Easier said than done I know when you're racking your brains as to what to do with your child and you feel like you're not very good at it all anyway!

Do you think because your baby is so young and vulnerable that you feel over whelmed at big family do's, shopping centres etc? Perhaps as your baby grows older and more robust, you'll feel better about these kinds of places? If you're not happy at them, then avoid at all costs! You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Stuff duty, I say. You've had a baby, you're getting on with coping with having a baby and you don't need anything extra on your plate.

I loathed all the (in law) family occasions because I hated the passing round of my baby. I felt I simply wasn't allowed to take him back off various women in DH's family. I got a few black looks when I finally did. That's not going to happen again this time around! I'm intending to be an awful lot more assertive with my next baby.

Whoops. Hijacked your thread there at the end. Sorry!

I found four months difficult as she hadn't established a daytime nap. I could probably have helped her to do that sooner by just sitting down with her at the same time each day.

It was also hard because she was unable to sit, but bored with lying flat, so I was having to carry her around all the time or sit her up on my knee. The (Galt) playnest was my lifesaver - she could be propped up, see what was going on, look at lots of interesting things and chat while I had two hands free.

We used to go on a tour of the flat a couple of times a day and I would explain what everything was and tell her who all the people in the pictures were etc.

She had a workout in the baby gym a couple of times a day and i found it helped to move everything around every few days, she really noticed the difference.

She liked chatting to the baby in the mirror and looking at her bee mobile and batting it.

We went to the shops even if it was just for one thing.

She had a big kick without a nappy every evening before Daddy came home.

NCT girlies once a week, swimming once a week.

I danced with her in my arms in front of a big mirror - all my favourite music, Bach masses, anything rhythmic.

I could read the Guardian while she had her workout - a sane moment

No I agree totally. HAve felt I've been in trouble with MIL occasionally as I've snapped at various things. HAve insisted that we have Christmas at our house and going for a few days because I know I candeal with it now (dd will be 6 months by then) but I have no hesitation at refusing her to be photographed or whatever if I think she's tired or over stimulated. Voodoobanana what you';re feeling is pretty normal (or I'm not normal!) tho I have to say that joining mums and tots a few days a week has really boosted my confidence and getting out of the house. However ,like people have said if you suspet PND talk to someone and get help.

just talked it thru with my mum and she said she felt exactly the same when she had me, Its funny, you do feel better when you tell people,
Ive started keeping my diary again too.

Ill let yous all know how the baby group things go...and I do have some oil of eveprimrose pills somewhere, I propped dd up on a nest of 3 cushions today and changed her gym all round- she loved it.

This all sounds very civilised. My ds decided that, if I was around, the only place he could possibly go to sleep during the days (apart, occasionally from the car or the buggy) was my arms - which, given he started at 10lbs5 and carried on at the same rate, meant that I was stranded in the sitting room for much of the time we were in the house. He only started 'going down' for a daytime nap in his cot at about 11months... High maintenance....

I did find a local NCT group which I started going to when he was 5wks - he used to look around avidly for a short time then fall asleep - gradually the time awake has increased and he can now last the whole session (although he is usually asleep within 5mins of leaving).

I also met up with another group of mums with babies of a similar age on another day.

DS loved his baby gym, and also liked a lion hand-puppet at this stage. Anything that made a noise was fun. His favourite nursery rhyme was The Grand Old Duke of York, although the actions were starting to get quite strenuous by this stage - they are now out of the question (18mths).

Don't worry - if its your 1st, its difficult to know if you're doing things right - I still don't know whether I've done it right - may have a better idea in 20 or 30 years...

If you are worried about PND, please go and talk to someone. We have a friend with it who has refused to accept that there is anything wrong, and this has had huge repercussions on both the child and partner as well as her. It is so much better to get help and not leave it.

The main thing is to love her and have fun.

Have same problem with inlaws. they don't seem to get it that if they spend hours cooing at DD she will eventually get overstimulated and scream at them. Also their house is freexing cold and there is nowhere for DD to take a nap there. As a result I have to take her home when she needs to sleep, which...as a5 mth old baby is often, Feel terrible as am often at my parents house (they have a room set up for DD ) as DD can sleep there no probs.
Other thing is DH's grandmother lives with the inlaws and she's 97, not entirely convinced she knows that she isn't strong enough to pick up DD so have never left DD with inlaws. Hoping this won't become an issue as like VOODOO am struggling to hold it all together without feeling pressured by grandparents!!!! GRRR.
Sorry, rant over now.

alibobble and winky...isnt it odd to have dd passed around family members and you still feel threatened! I feel I cant relax if dd is with me anywhere but home! being Alert for dangers is probably hardwired into our dna from caveman times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my MIL is a handful too - - shes a midwife. When dd cries for a feed I have to ask for her about 3 times!
'shes hungry, I will take her upstairs...'
'yes, shes crying because shes HUNGRY...'
'CAN I TAKE HER AND FEED HER NOW!!!!!!!!'

Rachel - - how funny, my MILs house is icy cold too! And she always says stuff like 'that child does not need a cardigan!!' when dd's nose is turning blue!

Me too, MIL is a pain and is FIL. DD needs changing, I put her down to change her and they crowd round her cooing and I can't get to her to change her!!!
Or if she starts to cry and I'm trying to soothe her MIL has just snatched her off me before now, does the same to DH. Drives us nuts!!!

Think it's v unfair that when you marry someone you marry their family too...could do without them sometimes!!!

they mean well, but boy do they need gentle handling.

both of our families live 70 miles away, we only get to see them with dd about once a fortnight, so they really have to grab her whilst they can.

Just been to NCT website, I think I am going to host coffee mornings at my house!!!! Im really excited just thinking about it!!!!

That sounds a good ides. It'd help u so much to be with other Mums in the same boat as you.
My inlaws live 1 mile up the road, my parents 3 miles away. Lovely when I need a break but also as I said can be stressful.

Totally disagree. Just because the grandparents only see the child once a fortnight doesn't mean they have the right to grab her and interfere with her naps, changing, feeding etc.

Just because they're the grandparents doesn't mean they can do what they like. No way. It's my child and they have to observe a few simple rules and totally and utterly respect my parenting choices. They seem to find that hard for some reason but that's tough.

I get REALLY tired of this kind of thing because I spent the first six months of my baby's life pussyfooting around my MIL as she behaved like an obsessive stalker and seemed to resent my very presence as my baby 's mother. Then I got very p*ssed off and started to put what I wanted for my child and my life absolutely and 1000% first. She was of course deeply offended but then she's deeply offended at anything.

I don't think it's about feeling threatened when your baby is passed around lots of relatives - I just think it's not very nice for the baby! And that stresses you out. It's totally natural for you to want to keep your baby close and not held, prodded, slobbered over by all and sundry.

Finding this thread v useful as I also wonder what to do all day with my 15 week old DS.

I have tried getting information about local mother and baby groups, etc - anything really but I am really struggling. My HV gave me information about the ones run locally but to be honest (and I am going to sound like a terrible snob now so I apologise in advance ), our estate is grouped in with the roughest estate in the town (we are talking boarded up shops, barbed wire on roofs etc.) even though we are a bit away from it and I don't really want to attend groups run in that estate. There is no local info on netsmum website or the NCT website so what do I do?? Any suggestions would be gratefully received as I want DS to start socialising with other kids asap instead of being stuck with me all day.

Are there any groups run by local churches? Just a thought as ours does a mums and tots group as well as the ones run by the council/health clinic etc

apart from groups & coffee mornings

a walk in the park or just down the road is an exciting experience for a little one

as is going to the supermarket or different shops,even just to get some bread & milk......they haven't seen it all before like we have...

and once you have been to the groups. you'll probably meet other mums you want to see more of and it will all sort of flow from there...

candj where abouts are you?

wink - - just got back from a weekend at MIL, and yes, there was a screaming nappy incident, so hard to watch, but she INSISTS.

I haven t got the fight in me, TBH, I just sipped my tea and let her get on with it! Smug in the knowledge that My baby Never cries when I change her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!