DS morphed into mini Malcolm Tucker

[RositatheSeata]

DS is 2 (of course he is) and his behaviour is just EXHAUSTING. I am on my knees with sleep deprivation and have a hair-trigger temper along with it.

DS has started waking earlier and earlier, despite nothing changing in his routine. This morning he was up for the day at 4am. I feel like I'm dying.

Everything is a massive fight and often ends in me getting a furious telling off a la Malcolm Tucker 'NO mummy BAD mummy, no no NOT no!!!' delivered with a finger pointed at my face (doesn't help that he's picked up my Scottish accent). I have no idea how to deal with him.

He won't let me change his nappy, so I have to physically force him. For the entire nappy change he aims kicks at my face and neck while thrashing and screaming. Every single nappy change. Getting him dressed for the day is the same. Getting him into the bath, into the buggy, into bed, always ends in me physically forcing him, and it's horrible. He slaps, pulls my hair, kicks, anything. I have tried distraction, even giving him my phone (he'll throw it), bribery (he'll continue screaming and kicking even while eating cake/raisins/crackers, it's quite a talent) hugging and comforting while he tantrums, ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good, making things into games, singing songs, trying to not say 'no' if it's unnecessary. Doesn't make a bit of difference. He doesn't remotely understand 'time out' or naughty step.

None of my mum friends have kids who behave like this. I have even babysat for a couple of them and done bedtime for their 2 year olds, and the difference is extraordinary. They are mainly girls, but surely that wouldn't make such a difference? And they all sleep till 7:30 in the fucking arse morning!

I think if we both could get just a little more sleep I'd have more patience and be able to be more inventive and persuasive. But I'm averaging 5 hours a night, plus working full time, so a lot of the time it's a matter of picking him up and plonking him in the buggy/bath and getting on with it while he screams. I know I am doing this all wrong - please help!

(of course he is ANGELIC at nursery and with his grandparents).

When mine did the early rising thing I made sure her room was BLACK. And kept returning her to bed. "No. It's still night" and just ignoring her.

It's not easy of course...at that time in the morning when you're beyond tired. But after about 2 weeks of this she did begin to stay where she was.

What time does he go to bed and is he still napping?

The nappy thing also happened to me so I began changing mine while she was standing. It's easy after a few tries....I'd engage her in something and then do her nappy...just wrap it round sort of.

Also what is his diet like? Is he having much processed foods? My DD1 I worked out turned into the devil incarnate when she had red jelly....or anything like that.

hello - yes I have a black out blind up and of course at 4-5am the sun isn't up this time of year so it's extra dark.

I do try saying 'it's bedtime/sleepy time' and rubbing his back, then leaving, but he is so friggin AWAKE he has never, ever gone back to sleep. I ignored him this morning from 4am - 4:45am but he was standing up singing and shouting for me the entire time.

His bedtime is 7:30am if I'm working and I try to do it slightly earlier at the weekend. He'll lie singing and chatting till 8pm though. I've tried making it later - we got a week of 6:30am rises from a bedtime change to 8:30pm, but then back to normal. And honestly, 8:30pm feels so late! He naps 2 hours, sometimes 2.5 hours still, at around midday.

He is a non-fussy eater - thank god! - so I mostly feed him 'good' stuff. At nursery it's all good. When he's at home with me he gets porridge for breakfast, fruit/crackers/ yoghurt for snacks, fish pie or tuna pasta for dinner, sandwiches or quiche for lunch with vegetables. He doesn't like chocolate for some untold reason, or juice, or jam so doesn't get those things. We're not too precious about what he gets though, so there may be something I'm missing that's setting him off...

Let him stand and sing. Make sure he's got water...change his nappy if needed...but leave him in the cot. Don't rub his back or chat. Just be matter of fact, keep conversation to a minimum. Go back to bed and even if you can't sleep, just lie there. Ignore him and eventually he will learn.

He needs to learn that 4.30 is not fun time. It's boring and Mummy isn't fun either.

Re his diet it sounds like a good diet...I try to avoid anything with ANY sugar in after 5.00pm So that means no fruit either...no fruit juice too.

I hope it changes soon for you I know how dreadful it is.

I still bf him at night and first thing in the morning (although I've been trying to phase at least the morning one out) He has always been a bottle refuser and won't drink milk from a cup, but I'm wondering if the time has come to stop altogether? I'm just so tired, and it makes him sleep and calms him down! At night at least.

I think you need to at least get rid of the feed first thing in the morning...what time is that at?

The morning feed is at 5am - or whatever time he gets up - I take him into my bed with me so I can lie down! Hmmm, I'm guessing this is a bad idea?

Can you get him to bed earlier? I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but my DS was having disturbed sleep due to over-tiredness. We have realised that most poor behaviour from him is solved if we get him to sleep at 7pm (up for a bath at 6.15, story, lights off at 6.50). After months of him not sleeping until 9/10pm, this, along with dropping the nap (which cane naturally as a consequence of the better overnight sleeping) solved most issues.

Unfortunately I finish work at 5:30pm and can never get to the nursery before 6:30pm however hard I try. So by the time we get home (after persuading him into the buggy!) it's about ten to seven. I suppose I could just take him kicking and screaming straight upstairs, skip the bath? but I thought that sticking to the same routine (snack, bath, teeth, story, milk, bed) at roughly same time every night was beneficial? I've been keeping bedtime the same time every night, but maybe worth trying to put him to bed an hour earlier on weekends.

Can you cut out bath entirely from bedtime and bath him every other morning instead?

Perhaps something like the Gro Clock would work? I personally would rather keep to the same sort of routine before bed so he understands the cues. We have a similar thing in that we cant get back from nursery until 6:30 ish so bedtime for 7 is a struggle - it is around 7:45 these days. He's usually asleep by 8 then awake for the day between 6 and 6:45 at the moment.

The gro clock (or you can fashion your own with a lamp and a timer switch) comes on at a pre-programmed time so the child knows its 'morning'. During the night it displays a blue star with smaller stars around the face, which sort of count down until they are all gone, then the sun comes up. My DS (2.6) likes kissing the sun good night and knows that means time to get in bed. The wake up time has improved somewhat (he went through a phase of 5-5:15 each morning, it was like death) - but you have to do it gradually, by say 10 mins past the time he woke the day before. That way, they don't have hours to wait until the sun comes up, because that just won't work.

But if you don't do that, second the suggestion of just going in, minimal contact and say 'it's still nighttime, go back to sleep'. But with the visual aid they understand better when is night and day.

Also agree with Maximum - and despite what I said about keeping the routine the same - cut the bath out of the usual bedtime equation. Maybe twice/three nights a week? We usually do Friday night (when DH is at home all day with him), Monday night (when I'm at home) and maybe sat night.

Then we usually bring him into the shower with us one morning, I've found this works really well. I bring my clothes and makeup bag into the bathroom, put the non slip mat down on the end opposite the shower head, plonk DS in and I shower at one end, he tries to catch the spray in his cups/sloshes around in the water. Then another two mins to maybe wash his hair and then I pop the plug in, get out and leave him in there splashing around for another 5 mins or so, the time it takes for me to get dressed and do makeup in the bathroom, then get him out and dressed after I'm ready. I find doing that is less stressful than trying to cram a bath in every night, as he loves baths and would play for hours and hates getting out, that means bedtime is off to a crying start.

I really would be attempting to get rid of that 5.00 feed. No wonder he's getting up. He's getting a BF in bed!

Also cut the mid morning nap completely. He's getting his power nap from the day and full of energy. I think 2 - 2.5 hours is way too much for a 2 year old. Cut it.

I agree with Fedora there. Mine at this age were cut down to one hour long nap.

Is he warm enough? The temp did come up again then has dropped recently so it gets really cold from about 2am. I find that this cools down my DCs gradually and it is difficult for them to go back to sleep early morning. So I stick the heating on an extra notch.

Are his molars coming through? My dd, at aged 2, told me about her "Hurty tooth" and lo and behold, her molars were bursting through. In the day they're quite distracted and don't notice but early morning it could be enough to bother him.

He sounds exhausted hence the behaviour! Is he copying you with the pointing etc? I realised how I was coming across when my dd started telling me off in the exact manner I told her older brother off! It was for me.

Also my 3 year old still naps. She was still having 2 hours at aged 2 and needed it - she would be asleep by 8, awake by 6 (which is about right for us as we have to get out to get to work). Now she has an hour - not every day - but when she does, she's asleep by 8-8.30 and up by 6-7am depending on what she's done.

Iggly but they're all so different. I coaxed mine out of naps with no ill effect. All that happened was that she slept better at night. Yes it took some getting used to...but a nap of 2.5 hours is a lot imo. An hour's cat nap is enough to recharge.

I second cutting the nap down to an hour. Yes, he'll be grumpy initially, but he'll get used to it and will sleep longer at night. Of course some toddlers do have that longer nap at two, but they're not waking at the crack of dawn so it's not a problem for them. LOTS are having just an hour or so.

Like Mrs Tawdry suggested, I would definitely get rid of that early morning feed too. My 16 month old is still breastfed, but his first feed is a couple of hours after breakfast ie about 10am. I must admit I until recently I did keep sticking him on the breast immediately on waking, then I just realised he wasn't bothered, and was only having a tiny drink, so just stopped it. They really don't need it. His main feed is later on in the day.

I really feel for you! Sleep deprivation makes EVERYTHING really hard. Don't feel guilty about making changes he is not happy with. You need your sleep to function better, and he needs a non stressed out mum.

Get him used to the fact that until it's 6am (or whatever the start to your day is - in our house it's 7.30), it's cot time, whatever he is doing. As long as he can't get out of his cot, just leave him to have a bit (or a lot!) of a sing and a cry and sooner or later he'll get used to it, and adjust his body clock.

Yes, I know there's no way you'll get back to sleep, but see it as a kind of training period.

My SIL had an awful time with her lo waking up lots in the night, and as the HV told her, no baby/child will ever die from crying. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but she was basically saying don't get too stressed by leaving a baby to cry, it won't do them any harm.

Good luck and let us all know how you get on.

Yes they are which is why I posted to counter those who were all saying cut the nap.

But iggly it's obvious from what OP has written that her dc is NOT sleeping at night like yours with the day time nap. It won't hurt for her to try. My DS was sleeping through from 7pm to 7am by 2 and that was without a day time nap.

I agree he will be cranky and it will be tough for a few days but I think cutting the day time nap will help him in the long run. Getting up at 4am isn't normal. Also, try to make sure the nursery don't let him nap after 3pm. That's always been my cut off point. No naps after 3 no matter what.

Can't give any advice about the breastfeeding as dd is still having comfort feeds through the night and she's 15m ...really don't know how to stop her!

No - it is obvious that the DC is waking early and is very badly behaved. So sounds tired to me. Not like they're getting too much sleep.

Thanks everyone for suggestions. Not sure how I can cut his nap when he's at nursery? I imagine they can't really cater to that? I can try waking him early from it at the weekend though (horrifying thought) .

Well I got away from work 15 mins early last night and put him to bed early. He lay in his cot awake till the usual time though! Then was up at 4am. I told him no, and he was ok till 5am until he got incredibly upset and started screaming and screaming for me and crying till he choked. I tried going in and telling him it was night time but that made it worse. Refusing his morning bf after that was the icing on the cake, poor kid! He's in a terrible state and I'm still knackered. Argh. I know you've all said leave him to cry but there's crying and there's crying surely? Or do I ignore the panicky screaming/choking/begging for me to come too?

He's not teething, he's had all his teeth for a few months now.

I do check his temp but he's in a 2.5 tog sleeping bag and I pop a blanket over if it's very cold.

The finger thing is probably me

Missed this - nursery nap is always 12-2pm with the other kids. He's never still asleep at 3pm (unless he's at his grandparents, but that's a whole other post!)

rosita ofcourse the nursery can cater for him! He's your child and you decide what time he sleeps, the nursery are there to work WITH you, not just do their own thing.

If you tell them you want to cut the nap, they will wake him up before the others and take him outside or wherever for a play.

I'd get him to bed later if nursery won't change that nap but personally I'd be irritated if they wouldn't! It's a long nap imo. I agree with fedora you are his parent...what they do in the day with him does affect you and him.